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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright. I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together in his groin. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him "How does that feel?" He replied "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. Never use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so we feel it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means something and you should be on your toes. It usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow GO AHEAD in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is actually not a word, but it's still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A LOUD SIGH means she is thinking you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. SOFT SIGHS are one of the few things that men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
OH
This word followed by a statement is big trouble. Example, "OH, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says OH before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is FINE when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.
-------------------- Jim Upchurch Artworks Olympia WA Posts: 797 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: Nov 1998
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