posted
I was blessed with this incredibly pertinent information, thought you could get a chuckle out of it as well. Have a great weekend everybody!
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Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers and Alcohol distillers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer and Alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering why your pants are on inside out.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them, man.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are breathlessly waiting for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting beaten to a bloody pulp by an angry mob.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and quietly chew off your arm, with a quickness.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on your face.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible yet charming.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
SYMPTOM - Beer usually pale and tasteless FAULT - Glass empty ACTION - Get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM - Beer tasteless and front of shirt is wet FAULT - Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face ACTION - Retire to restroom and practice in the mirror
SYMPTOM - Feet cold and wet FAULT - Glass being held at incorrect angle ACTION - Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
SYMPTOM - Feet warm and wet FAULT - Improper bladder control ACTION - Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house training
SYMPTOM - Floor blurred FAULT - You are looking through the bottom of empty glass ACTION - Get someone to buy you another beer
SYMPTOM - Floor blurred FAULT - You are being carried out ACTION - Find out if you are being taken to another bar
SYMPTOM - Opposite wall covered with florescent lights FAULT - You have fallen over backward ACTION - Have yourself lashed to the bar
SYMPTOM - Mouth full of cigarette butts FAULT - You have fallen forward ACTION - See above
SYMPTOM - Room seems unusually dark FAULT - Bar has closed ACTION - Confirm address with bartender
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