Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call
to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to
"I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd
appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle,
you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked
for, like "Mark Fair."

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of
your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable
excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your
window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car
like Fred Flintstone.

It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets,
and go pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public
ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Toilet seats that automatically go down by themselves

Specially formulated chocolate that goes directly to the boobs instead of the butt or thighs

Dishes that wash themselves

Go Girl Go!!!!

I like that one alot!
But I bet SI is frowning right now!

Is this a copyright picture or can we all us it to publish?

(Adrienne is always bitchin about my smoking!)