1. The Wife will kill him trick- Send the male who has screwed you a dozen roses with a card attached. On the card write any female name. His wife will freak out. He may be able to talk his way out of this, so in about one month send him a second dozen from the same woman. Seal the deal by having a female call during the day and leave a message on his machine from the same woman. The divorce will cost him more than anything he screwed you out of.

2. The mailing list trick- It is easy enough to sign someone up for many mailing lists. I know of someone who was put on over 200 one time. This has a snowball affect. Soon they will be on thousands. Pick up hunting magazines, womens magazines and go to the back. There you will find countless 800 numbers. Call and ask for free samples and catalogs to be sent to this jerk. You will be amazed on how much stuff you can send for a thirty day trial period. Then of course the customer has to send back the unwanted merchandise. Don't be afraid to find stuff that says "bill me later". You will be amazed at how much fun this can be.

3. The Army recruiter trick- Sign him up for the military. Those recruiters are relentless. They just won't take no for an answer. Maybe set up a lunchen date for the jerk and the recruiter.

4. The old Columbia records and tape trick- Sign him or her up with the Columbia records and tape club about a dozen times. Make sure you sign them up for Gangster Rap or Classical music. This will drive them nuts. It should take them about 6 to 7 years to get out of those clubs.

5. and last but no least- Have an affair with their spouse. Take plenty of pictures and mail them to them!

Back in the early 80's I used to work 3rd shift at a convenience store and one of my sisters was dating a PK (preacher's kid). A couple days after they broke up, he came into the store with another girl hanging on his arm. He recongnized me and had few smart things to say to me about my sister (my sister had dumped him when she found out about this other girl). There were other people in the store, so I kept my cool. After closing, I pulled out a subscription form out of the various porn mags and filled them out with his name on it and used his dad's church address.

Needless to say, vengence was served quite nicely. Heh heh heh.

[ December 15, 2001: Message edited by: Glenn Taylor ]

Twists to the woman leaving messages during the day:

either have her make some mention of a dead rabbit or failing a test. This has a better impact if she can cry while leaving the message.

Make up a clinic name when you call and tell him you have the results of his VD tests and he needs to call you ASAP. Be sure to casually mention something to the effect of "and don't have sex with anyone until we've talked (this part in almost as a whisper as you're carefully replacing the phone) and cleared this condition up."

Claim you're calling from a strip club/adult toy store/escort service and tell him his tab is $1000 over the limit and he needs to take care of this immediately. Mention that you could just put it on his charge card like you did last time, but he needs to call and let you know if that's what he wants to do.

And what are you saying? Her Joe Gestapo ol' man is involved? The local news will eat that up.

[ December 16, 2001: Message edited by: Brian Cornwell ]

1. Newspaper ad to read: "Harley and Indian parts...come early, bring cash. (add the offender's address only)"

2. Call a tow company and have the offender's car towed to a repair facility

3. Visit your local sand and gravel company and pay in cash for that load of sand to be delivered in the driveway of the offender. Tell them you are building a back porch. Ever try to move a load of sand off your driveway?

4. Call up a lumber company and order ten gallons of paint to be delivered to the offender's office with a fake purchase order number.

5. Order in some pizzas for his crew

6. Wrap a neat ten spot in a letter and send it to the local police charity. They will put his name on their solicitation lists.

7. Wrap up a nice fish and send it to him. He likes sushi, doesn't he?

8. ASPCA people are pretty easy to alert about the way he treats his pet Kimodo Dragons.

9. Place a luminario with the sack filled with doggie do-do and lighter fluid in it and a lit candle on his doorstep.

10. The water, gas and electric companies should be notified that the offender will be leaving town for an extended trip and the utilities should be cut off for a couple of months.

11. That company that moves pianos probably needs to be called about his baby grand that needs to be moved...

12. Does he have cable? How about all of the premium channels?

13. Schedule some dental work

14. Make some dinner reservations?

15. Does he have enough firewood?

16. How abount some heavy equipment for the office? Does he need a bobcat delivered?

17. He probably needs some of those railroad ties that are advertised in the local paper delivered.

18. How about his landscaping needs? Maybe he needs to have someone come out and give him a proposal?

19. How about his life insurance needs?

20. He might even need a few plumbers to stop by and clean a few drains?

Another occasion was a friend's sister who had been dating this loser drunk til he beat her up one night. Broke her jaw; it was nasty. My friend wanted revenge and was hot to go over and kick his ass, but I told him to let me handle it. So a week later I went out to the bar where he drank regularly and buddied up to him and bought him shots for about five hours, while getting him all wound up with "bad cop" stories. When he left to drive home, (stinking drunk and with a bad attitude about law enforcement)I dropped a dime(anonymously) to the local PD, gave his description, license number and that he was dangerously drunk, adding that he hated cops and claimed to have a weapon. The cops did the rest - they sent three cruisers after him to pull him over. He obliged by being his usual mouthy a-hole self, then (surprise surprise!)took a swing at one of the cops, so they hosed him down with pepper spray and gave him a nice Rodney King massage. Then because it was late Friday night and no court til Tuesday (it was a long holiday weekend) they sent him to the ACI (state prison) in Cranston, where I'm sure he continued to have a great time til he got in front of a judge and made bail.

First time customers are always the (Money Down.)

As "Their Cheques Clear", so does their Credit Line.

And "YES" I have been burnt before too!

Another time one of the clients who wanted free paint work had some one I have absolutely no idea who,...throw a paper candy sack full of pink jelly methylene chloride paint remover on his signs,...made a real mess too seems the vandals were persistant & did it to both sides of the sign,...

The best collection I ever heard of was this privately owned waffle house who ran several months late on a service call bill,...he got to work one morning & someone had swapped the first two letters on his sign,.. seems he found the funds to pay his bill promptly too,...go figure

[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: timi NC ]