posted
I thought this was too funny not to post. Hope you get a chuckle:
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along with way, cover up exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note - must do more sit-ups. 4. Get in shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah ,wide loofah and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with b natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off). 11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. 12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. 13. Turn off the shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. 16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs. 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 18. If you see your husband along with way, cover up any exposed area and then sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN: 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo-woo" sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see f you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener it the mirror and scratch your ass. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one). 6. Wash your face. 7. Wash your armpits. 8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off. 9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. 10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area. 11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar. 12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). 13. Make a shampoo Mohawk. 14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. 15. Pee (in the shower). 16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time. 17. Partially dry off. 18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener size again. 19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor. 20. Leave bathroom fan and light on. 21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound again. 22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
-------------------- "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot
Suelynn Sedor Sedor Signs Carnduff, SK Canada
Posts: 2863 | From: Carnduff, SK Canada | Registered: Nov 1998
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Especially the part about takin 2 minutes to get dressed!
Heck I have been doing it since I was 2 years old..I have it down to a science! I can do it in 30 seconds flat if I am rushed fer time!
-------------------- Dave Grundy retired in Chelem,Yucatan,Mexico/Hensall,Ontario,Canada 1-519-262-3651 Canada 011-52-1-999-102-2923 Mexico cell 1-226-785-8957 Canada/Mexico home
posted
OH geez.......now I am worried. Except for the blowing of the nose and the peeing in the shower....I am more like a man........OH NO! OH......I am missing the weiner too...(whew!)
[ December 05, 2001: Message edited by: cheryl nordby ]
-------------------- Jackson Smart Jackson's Signs Port Angeles, WA ...."The Straits of Juan De Fuca in my front yard and Olympic National Park in my backyard...
"Living on Earth is expensive...but it does include a free trip around the Sun"
Posts: 1001 | From: Port Angeles, Washington | Registered: Jan 1999
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posted
Boy, that is so true. I sure am glad women shower like they do. I love walking through wal mart and breezing by close so I can smell their perfumed bodies. Dontcha just love it? The weiner part made me crack up. WOO WOO!!!
-------------------- Maker of fine signs and other creative stuff. Located at 109 N. Cumberland ave. Harlan, Ky. 40831 606-837-0242 Posts: 4172 | From: Ages-Brookside, Ky. Up the Holler... | Registered: Jul 1999
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posted
I thought you were writing a script for a new reality show on FOX!!
I have a few questions. Are you afraid of a little Woo-Woo? What's conditioner? If a woman needs 2 hours to dress why don't they start a little earlier? That way I get more than the 2 minutes. Is the mirror thing the same habit used under different pretenses?
There was a piece on CNN yesterday about an artist who's creation was an ordinary bar of soap with pubic hairs arranged in concentric circles. It sold for several thousand dollars.
posted
WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY - Phone conversations last 30 seconds. - You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes. - A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase. - Bathroom lines are 80% shorter. - You can open all your own jars. - Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight. - When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying. - You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go. - You can go to the bathroom alone. - Your last name stays put. - You can leave a hotel room bed unmade. - You can kill your own food. - The garage is all yours. - You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. - You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment." - You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. - Wedding plans take care of themselves. - If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend. - Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3. - None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. - You don't have to shave below your neck. - You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night. - If you're 34 and single, no one notices. - Chocolate is just another snack. - Flowers fix everything. - Three pair of shoes are more than enough. - You can say anything and not worry about what people think. - You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. - Car mechanics tell you the truth. - You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut. - You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "he must be mad at me." - One mood, all the time. - Gray hair and wrinkles add character. - Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental 100 bucks. - You don't care if someone is talking behind your back. - You don't pass on the desert and then mooch off someone else's. - If you retain water, it is in a canteen. - The remote is yours and yours alone. - You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom. - If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed. - If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
-------------------- Jim Upchurch Artworks Olympia WA Posts: 797 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Cheryl, I'm with you. After reading that, I think I'm more like a man too, with the same exceptions of you. Then reading the list about men, well, it just proves it that much more.
One way to eliminate the whole "woohoo" thing... get a cat. My cousin used to walk around the house naked after a shower, doing the woohoo thing. One day his wife's cat decided his "woohoo" would make a great play toy. One swat at it and my cousin never walked around naked again.
-------------------- Chris Welker Wildfire Signs Indiana, Pa
Posts: 4254 | From: Indiana, PA | Registered: Mar 2001
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posted
Well, at least I don't do the Wooo Wooo !!!! But.. I have been told that I am somewhat "housebroke" !!!
-------------------- John Smith Kings Bay Signs (Retired) Kissimmee, Florida Posts: 819 | From: Central Florida - The Sunshine State | Registered: Jan 2000
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