Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us for a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks, moisturizer with SPF15, Prozac, hormones, chocolate, and canned tuna - drop us (parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Afghanistan, and let us do what comes naturally.
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff like grocery shopping and paying bills, is formidable enough to make even armed men in turbans tremble.
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and their future. We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with whom to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet, and the grapefruit diet in gyms and saunas across America and never lost a pound. We can easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Afghanistan with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware stores, or sporting events...finding bin Laden in some cave will be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Afghanistan in a new government? Oh, please ... we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families at Thanksgiving dinners for years ...
we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We know how to find that money and we know how to seize it ... with or without the government's help!
Let us go and fight. The Taliban hates women. Imagine their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken terrain.
I'm going to write my Congresswoman. You should, too!
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A, I don't fit into that 5 year category just yet, but I'm with you girl.
Maybe there should be 2 branches to this military you propose. One for the group within 5 years of menopause and one for those of with PMS. Just take away our motrin and chocolate and give us automatic weapons. Or grenade launchers, hmmm...
-------------------- Chris Welker Wildfire Signs Indiana, Pa
Posts: 4254 | From: Indiana, PA | Registered: Mar 2001
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Sorry girls, its against the Geneva Convention. We gotta fight fair. It would be too easy to put on a veil, walk up to a taliban and leave with his cohonies.
Posts: 797 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Hey Jim, did ya catch the interview on Primetime last night with Bin Laden's sister in law? She says the worst thing that could happen to him would be to be captured ALIVE!!! Hell for him would be for him to be forced into the land of infidels!!!! I say we catch him and force him to attend every feminist meeting, every chick flick, every tupperware party till he kisses the American flag!!! hehe
[ October 27, 2001: Message edited by: AdrienneMorgan ]
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I think it would be a good idea. then yall could whine them to death. haha thats why god gave women two sets of lips. so they could pee and whine at the same time. hehehe
-------------------- Jimmy Chatham Chatham Signs 468 stark st Commerce, Ga 30529 Posts: 1766 | From: Commerce, GA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Oh, thanks a whole big damn bunch, Jimmy! I'm the one that was in the room when she stormed around looking for a chauvenist she could nail. Good thing I'm NOT one. Geez!
Posts: 4223 | From: Kalispell,Mt 59903 | Registered: Mar 2000
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it was only a joke. but lets pretend that bin laden said it hehe
-------------------- Jimmy Chatham Chatham Signs 468 stark st Commerce, Ga 30529 Posts: 1766 | From: Commerce, GA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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