posted
I'm currently in the process of finding a new caregiver for my 2 yr old, Cody. I'd love some advice on how other working parents of young ones are dealing with this. Or how you delt with it when yours were younger.
I'm finding since I started running my biz, 99% of my work switched over to being off site, away from my office. What I'm finding now is, there isn't a huge benefit being homebased because of the way my work takes me away from my home anyway, therefore needing childcare for Cody.
Obviously, gearing my work so I can stay home more would be a huge benefit which I'll start to attempt more and more. However, the way it sits now, I'm trying to come up with solutions in keeping Cody in my care as much as possible, yet getting my work done.
There doesn't seem to be an easy solution with a 2 yr old. They're so busy and trying to be productive while you keep them from tearing the place apart would prove pretty impossible from where I'm sitting right now.
I realize he'll be in school soon etc, but that's not for a few years yet.
I'm debating asking the school girls down the road if he could come to their home some evenings for a paid 'visit' so I could at least be mobile in those greasy noisy bays we love so much. That way he'd have playtime, as well as me getting my work done and still being with him for the day. I'll have to talk with my customers to see if it's ok to do the work in the evenings vs daytime, but for the most part I'm pretty sure they'd leave me a key. (they are big time regulars)
For on site work, this is where I'm scratching my head. Obviously for heavy concentration work, I'd do it while Cody naps, but for other decal preparation work, I could possibly swing that with Cody in tow, with some difficulty of course. I'd have to super toddler proof my office better for a start.
I dunno. Am I dreaming up the impossible? Am I better off getting childcare for him during the days so I can work stress free and just get the job done and come home to him? (I'm feeling really guilty these days having someone else care for him, in my heart that's my job)
I've read in a post long ago where most of you just brought your kids to your workplaces, etc. Please bear in mind, we're talking about 2 yrs old. They don't want to be contained anywhere such as a playpen, nor do the cooperate very long with our requests.
I'd love some feedback on how you did it, or are currently doing your work while caring for your family at the same time. Thanks guys!
I was a single parent most of the time, so I had to fall back on friends who would sit for me and yes, sometimes a nursery gig.
I gave my oldest a place to "paint" too and we respected each other's space and "tools." It was fun cleaning up at the end of the day, as well. We sang to music whilst we "worked together" which helped with holding their attention and relieving them from feeling left out.
This paid off as she developed into a very talented artist, who is right at home in the sign shop...hehehe.
As time went on, I ended up working at night while my girls were asleep, and cat napping during the day, while they were at school and between appointments. That kinda back fired later on in life when my body parts were overwhelmed and I really needed em. (you used to wonder how I bacame such an eloquent insomniac...hehehe...now ya know!)
I can say one thing though. Being with them all day can be taxing. Letting them come home with you in the evening, is so kewl. You enter a realm called quality time.
It's going to be good for him, as well...he'll learn other things that he won't be able to wait to show you! You can teach him how to share his great news at dinner, setting a good example for future lifestyle.
You'll probably feel guilty either way ya go, but it helps to pick some folks you trust and realize, no one will love him like you do. It's a good thing if he doesn't look like he's been mauled by tigers and has a new trick/talent to show you each day!
I know how hard this is for you...believe me! Count your blessings..at least you have the luxury of a wonderful husband to share this with and possibly to help with pick up and drop off times (insert grin here!)
We love you Donna, and we'll certainly stand behind you, no matter what your decision. You're a fantastic mom and I know you'll make the perfect decision, you always do!
Give Cody a big raspberry on the neck for me! (Mine have outgrown that foolishness!)
posted
Trust your guilt, it will guide you well. I don't think you will be too happy if you are thinking how well Cody is doing while you are on a job. I remember mine at that age, and especially wouldn't trust their care to others.
Some of the plans you have laid out (evenings etc.) are probably good compromises. School will have their hands on him soon enough, so I would rather be the teacher in the most formative years. Heck, most of what we give our children at that age has more to do with love and bonding than educational.
[ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: David Wright ]
[ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: David Wright ]
-------------------- Wright Signs Wyandotte, Michigan Posts: 2786 | From: Wyandotte, MI USA | Registered: Jan 1999
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There are many pre schools that take kids that are out of diapers. That usually is the determining factor. We found one at a local church that had teachers that fit common ideologies as ours, and following lotsa visits and dialogue, we went for it. I think we did three mornings a week. That began a new social life for us. Kids would be invited after school to the homes of others and we'd reciprocate. This soon evolved into situations where I could call one of those homes to find out if they could handle my kid Thursday afternoon while I stayed on a job. The child swaps with families we could trust is still working well for us. We also eventually went to five mornings a week and usually one of us went in and helped one morning a week so we could be in that environment. There comes a time when Cody will need a few independant hours as much as you do.
-------------------- The SignShop Mendocino, California
Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity. — Charles Mingus Posts: 6806 | From: Mendocino, CA. USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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At 35 I got divorced, became a single parent of a three year old and became a self employed signpainter ( Hey, I never said I was very bright ) I got help in the beginning from relatives but later on found a woman who ran a day care out of her house. I could drop my son off any time and be charged only for the time he spent there. These places are getting hard to find. A lot depends on the individual child and the relationship with the parent. I was lucky as my son was never real demanding of my attention and could amuse himself for hours. Thank goodness for Lego's I took him out on location many times, course he was three and a half then. I remember one time I was lettering a wrecker in a service station and my son was sitting on a Coke case watching me. After about an hour and a half the owner asked "How do you get him to behave so well?" I told him " He doesn't have any other options" It might have sounded like a joke but my situation demanded him to be well behaved. Like I said I was lucky, I don't claim to be an expert but I was in charge at all times. I don't believe in letting kids run wild, throw fits or DEMAND to get their own way. He got a say in things when he turned 18. By the way, lest anybody think I was cruel or anything, he's 23, moved back in as a roomate after my wife passed away, we work together quite a bit and spend the weekends together racing his car.
-------------------- George Perkins Millington,TN. goatwell@bigriver.net
"I started out with nothing and still have most of it left"
You have met both my kids, both very good friends who still work with me on a daily basis after all these years. (Peter is now 25 and Rebecca is 23). Janis played HUGE part in raising our kids, but I was home based and the kids were always in and out of my studio.
It took some time and a few misshaps to teach the kids that it was only by invitation that they worked on my jobs. They loved to help. And it only took a little longer when they did.
Both kids went with me on all road trips from the time they were two weeks old (local and otherwise). I soon figured it out that one a time worked better. I remember many times my client or aquaintance would make a comment about how I was "stuck" with the kid. I straightened them out in a hurry by explaining that Peter or Rebecca accomanied me by mutual choice and that they were my assistant. And they earned their keep (as much as they were able). We also took things to do for the kids for when they were not able to "help" me.
The reward was that we made the outing special by doing something we both enjoyed. Most times something little, but always fun. A walk on the beach, a hike, trip to Mcdonalds drive through or whatever. When we got back we also took the time to report with great detail to Janis the adventure we had had together and how MUCH work had been accomplished.
The kids look back with a huge pride and fond memories of the time we spent together working. And playing too.
There was a cost for both of us. They had to "work". They had to listen and obey, for their own safety mostly. For me, I had to develop a patience of letting them help me and to make sure their needs were met. It did take a lot longer when they helped, especially at the beginning.
The rewards for all of us couldn't possibly be measured.
If you want to be in your kids memories tomorrow, you need to be in their lives today.
Have fun with Cody! You will figure out the work part.
-dan
[ September 28, 2001: Message edited by: Dan Sawatzky ]
-------------------- Dan Sawatzky Imagination Corporation Yarrow, British Columbia dan@imaginationcorporation.com http://www.imaginationcorporation.com
Being a grampa is one of the the most wonderful things in the world!!! Posts: 8761 | From: Yarrow, B.C. Canada | Registered: Nov 1998
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Donna, My wife is a flight attendant, and therefore, gone for days at a time. When she went back to work after Jessica was born, I was left to figure out how to care for a baby and try to get some signs out the door simultaneously. I don't have to tell you how hard that is. Since you've maintained so far, you'll be glad to know that it gets easier. (I didn't say EASY) Like Rick, we found a church with a Mother's Morning Out program. It was only 3 days a week, 9am-Noon. I tried to use those short mornings for quick jobs, meeting with clients, and occasionally, just to catch a much-needed nap. This also helped me to see that my child could handle being away from me for a little while (although I was a nervous wreck)
When you have to take Cody on a job with you, bring some diversions for him, and include the reward trip when you're finished, like Dan mentioned. One of my customers took a picture of me installing his sign and at the bottom of the ladder was Jessica in a stroller sucking on a 1/2" monkey wrench. (it was all I had and she seemed to like it) I did most of my design work late at night while she was sleeping, and had one of those 2-way intercoms next to the computer so I could hear her. Can't tell you how many times I ran upstairs just because she turned over or coughed or something.
Any jobs I absolutely couldn't take her on, I just scheduled when Peggy got home. It's a balancing act, but the fact that millions of people have done it should give you some confidence.
Also, as Dan mentioned, develop friendships with parents of kids near the same age, and you can give each other some "breaks". You'll be amazed what you can pack into a free hour here and there. Pretty soon, Cody will be spending a Saturday night at his pal's house and you'll actually be able to eat a real meal at a real restaurant, then come home and start working on a brother or sister (you really need a girl) One word of caution: beware of the non-reciprocating parents. They'll dump their kids on you endlessly.
As exasperating as it sometimes seems, any of your customers with kids will work with your schedule. They know what's really important, and the ones who don't understand aren't worth messing with. This is really just practice for later when you have to work around Cody's busy schedule. Before you know it though, he'll be driving, but it's too early to freak you out about that yet.
As long as Cody knows he's number 1 in your heart, all your decisions will be right. Jessica graduates high school this year, and I can tell you with no doubt, it's been the most wonderful roller coaster ride of my life. And, looking back, it was a very short ride.
Posts: 4117 | From: Lilburn, GA USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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It's called "PARENTING". When we make the decision to have children, we accept the responsibility of raising them to the "BEST of our ABILITIES"
Unfortunatly the majority of people think it's the rest of the worlds job, and dump them off wherever they can, whenever they can. It's easy to see the results of that method
The most important years in a childs life is the first five years, and if you miss out makeing that bond, you will pay dearly farther down the road........."Guaranteed!!"
When Robin and I made the choice to have Jzena, we signed on "FULL Time", not part time. She has never had a babysitter, been in any day-care, and we can count the times on both hands that she has been left with grandparents or close relatives. It ain't their job!!
Nobody said it would be easy, but I wouldn't trade the close relationship I have with my daughter for anything!! She goes where we go, and the rest of the world has to make it's adjustments around that fact!! If she can't go we don't go....period!!
Have we missed out on anything by our commitment........?? Ask anyone that has been around us for any length of time!! I wouldn't have it any other way !!
You have to figger it out for yourself, and do what YOU think right.......Money vs Child ??
Perkins did a hell of a job raising his son, and the rewards will come back to him for the rest of his life.......! Good job George!!
ps.....I don't remember my father, and my mother was always working, and whatever else. Spent the first several years with grandparents, or wherever.....Guess what?? I left home at 14 (tried sooner).....and I haven't looked back since!! My mother was always too busy for me.....Now, I could care less!! You do the math......!!
[ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: CJ Allan ]
-------------------- CJ Allan CJs Engraving 982 English Dr. Hazel, KY 42049
posted
I guess I should clarify the situations that aren't suitable for a toddler in tow. All my offsite work is in noisy bays. They aren't safe for any toddler. For liablity, I can't see these places being ok with a small child in a bay even with earplugs and being older, but we're currently talking about a 2 yr old here, that would rather bomb around in a yard with a sandbox intact.
Some of those jobs are full day expeditions, some only a couple hours. I don't have family nearby that could just take him for an hour here or there, as they're all out of town. I also don't have coverage avail when Dad is home because he isn't home. He works 6 days a week and 12-14 hr days this time of year. (other times of the year he's layed off and then parents Cody so I can work) I am basically the sole parent at the moment.
I require coverage on the jobs that aren't suitable for Cody to be around. I think in the past, because I've had it so easy with a sitter coming to our home and me still being a part of his day that way, I've become somewhat spoiled with help. I would watch him from my shop window, seeing him play with the sitter together with the neighbourhood kids while I'm pounding keys, feeling ok about my decision that he was getting more at the moment not being trapped within 4 walls being disciplined to not touch this or that.
Now that I am required to drive him somewhere, I can see how my scheduling is already changing, fitting both in whenever I can. It was a good wakeup call for me. When I had a day with Cody, I've always given that full day to him, not blending in my work. I need to start 'training' us both in this regard more. It's a different thought process altogether.
I love all your advice and input and look forward to more. And trust me, if my work wasn't required to help us make ends meet, I'd drop it in one red hot second to be a fulltime parent.
posted
I didn't say there wouldn't be sacrifices, and a bunch of them.........but it sounds like you already have your mind made up as to what you are going to do.
-------------------- CJ Allan CJs Engraving 982 English Dr. Hazel, KY 42049
I wrote a post earlier but got erased by mistake. The first five years and even more are SO very important! The kids are still bonding. I started out on a shoestring and still there, but, I can look back and feel good in my gut that I did the right thing by spending as much time as possible with the kids and working less hours if that was the choice.
The only suggestion I can make is that you look into playgroups and there are some fine people that feel the way that you do. They seem to have very high values on safety and love. The parents group together and meet in the same place to get to know each other. You have to feel good about it or it won't work. I did not use them though, since my last one was a "clinger" and I knew he wanted me to be around, for the most part. The route I went was to go to an Early Childhood Development playgroup at the parks and rec. The parent would play with the kids alongside the other parent/child pairs. They had songs and unstructured play for the first 45 min. and then in the gym would have circle groups and songs together. I know it did mine good to get acquainted with the groups and still have me there. There were dads and grandparents or aunts too, if the Mom was working. At least you could get Cody acquainted with others and once he becomes familiarized with them, he may be comfortable going once in a while to a sitter, for short periods at a time. You know the "terrible twos" get into everything imaginable out of curiosity. I don't have to tell you that,and I feel signs don't mix with kids. Not to say that some of the sign work doesn't, because in my case about half of the business can be conducive to having kids around. I guess it is like any work situation, really, and most need your undivided attention where you won't be interrupted and won't have to worry if he is into something. Going for supplies, visiting "some" customers, playing with a friend in another area of your home, (accompanied by a parent or teenager) are ways to keep him with you in the clean, safe areas and have him within an earshot. I bet if you talked to some other parents and did a little research in your area, you may finally land on the perfect solution. I used to hire a respectable, trained teenager to come over and play with my son and also make sure there is plenty of activities planned so the teenager is not bored. May have to shell some spending money out for a walk to get ice cream or have a video that both would get a kick out of. There may be a barter situation that the teenager can ride the horse or something exciting to them at another time when you are there to supervise them. I used to give the teens some hologram vinyl to play with for school projects and definitely pizza is a hit. I always felt better when I brought my son to the home of the teenager when I had to leave for a long period of time since the parent/s would be at home too. And it was a "family" environment that was stimulating with brothers and sisters running through the house. I am sure you know all this, and please understand, I did not bring my son to a sitter on a regular basis. In fact, it was quite rare. I know he got in the way a little bit, and I had to repeat jobs over and over sometimes for the interruptions, and I wish now, that I would have made a better choice to either get more help with him or lessen my work load. But, I have no regrets really, and I wouldn't have traded a fulltime job away from him for the world! I know that my kids may never grow up to be in the profession I am in, but I see a budding talent of layout and design in each one of them. My daughter, Samara, was the co-editor of the yearbook for two years in high school, and is the layout and design pro for our family newsletter, and I remember her winning a Halloween poster contest in third grade, on her own. My son,Justin, who is 26, is graduating from college this Dec. and is talking about graduate school. (He is of draft age.) But he likes music and art along with his computer business skills. My youngest boy who is 13 drives me nuts with rearranging furniture and designing "shrines" around the house since he was 2, whether it be with legos, or boxes and toy characters, or whatever there is around he can get his hands on. Things aren't perfect, by any means, but over all, the end results are amazing what the kids pick up from us. They really are paying attention, whether you know it or not. And the more time you spend with them, it is going to benefit the whole family. All of my kids have helped me unloading supplies and boards for the signs too. It wasn't uncommon to see paint slinging of a non-toxic variety on scrap pads of newsprint. I used to get it by the roll at the newspaper for free. And, all through the years all of my kids used the different lettering for projects for school from the vinyl scraps, and sometimes cutting their own letters with scissors. More ambition than their mom? Most definitely! And their friends thought it was so cool. I guess we rub off on each other! One of my favorite songs is "The cat and the cradle", (about spending more time with the kids), by Cat Stevens (took me a few minutes to remember that artist. Tells about how the dad was so busy in the child's life that when the child got older he was too busy for his dad. Whatever you do, don't use up all your energy at night, or your "youngin will run the show! Have fun, enjoy! Time flies by for sure! just received email letting me know the artist was Harry Chafin. (oops, guess I needed spellcheck!) [ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: Deb Fowler ]
[ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: Deb Fowler ]
[ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: Deb Fowler ]
-------------------- Deb Fowler
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney (1901-1966) Posts: 5373 | From: Loves Park, Illinois | Registered: Aug 1999
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Being a parent is hard. Being a working parent is harder. Being a SINGLE working parent is very hard. When I was married.....I took my kids to jobsites during the days. Or worked when my husband was home so he could watch the kids. Or you find other Moms that can trade with you as far as watching the kids. Or you pay a teenager to play with your kid(s) while you work. Not to sound mean ..... but you have it easy! You have a husband who can help (sometimes)....you have one kid. With more than one child it becomes a real challenge. Even going to the grocery store changes with 2 kids! Can you work at night? And deliver your signs during the day? That is what I would do. I would deliver the signs around nap time so my kids could sleep (in the car). They also have to learn the word NO. They can learn to sit and play quietly if you explain that Mommy needs to get a job done so you can buy them a new toy. Let them make their own 'signs'. (yes bribery works)
[ September 29, 2001: Message edited by: cheryl nordby ]
You have a great looking son. How do I know? He looks a lot like my son, Teddy.
Basically, you need to do what is right for your own situation and timing. Too many times we allow our "social mirror" to dictate to us who we should be or what we should be for our own children.
I am married with 2 girls, 8 and 12 years old. We also have a son, a toddler, Teddy who is 3.5 years old. When Teddy was born, we 'decided' that we didn't want to ever put him in day care.
My wife is convinced that raising a boy is 10 times harder than raising girls. I'm not so sure about that, but what I am sure about is that when Teddy reached about the age of 2, we had to make some hard decisions.
Up until 2 years, my wife watched Teddy for 3 days a week, and I watched him for 2. She is a dog groomer, working out of our home. My sign shop has it's own separate location. As our son got older, he became more and more mobile. He loves turning knobs, pressing buttons (computer UPS, drills, saws, telephone, fax, water faucets), he loves climbing on things, like tables, ladders, counters. For his safety and for our sanity, we decided to put him in day care-full time-- at a well respected church facility.
Do we have any guilt? Not much, but sometimes. Do we have our sanity back? DEFINITELY!
Again, I bring up the 'social mirror.' What CJ believes is the right way to raise children is one way of looking at it. If I believe what he says (but it doesn't fit with my situation) it would be easy for me to think I was a terrible parent and that
B]if you miss out makeing that bond, you will pay dearly farther down the road........."Guaranteed!!"[/B]
Well, I don't agree with CJ that that is a guaranteed outcome. I am a great dad and father to my children. And I don't "miss making that bond" just because my boy spends 7 hours a day with other children who he enjoys and has made good friends with.
Both my wife and I are more energetic and more "SANE" when we spend time with our children in the evening.
Life has a way of presenting us with hard, hard decisions. Donna, you will do what is right for you and Cody.
Stephen
-------------------- Stephen Bolin Signs By Tomorrow Holland, MI
Posts: 78 | From: Holland, MI | Registered: Aug 2001
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I didn't have any family around in either of the times I raised the kids, both marriages. We lived 1500 miles from family for 14 years, and now it is 500. It sure is hard without family, and sometimes difficult for family to understand why we have moved, since they could help out so much. But we all grow and want to branch out to see other parts of the country. It is a difficult situation in this case, and I know you, Cheryl and I and many others have that situation too. I have been a single parent also and that is rough, but, there is a lot of togetherness, and whether it be after work or a phone call during the day, the kids do fine at the sitter too, if he likes them, and try to meet more people for backups and variety, maybe. All I can say is try it and see, and you'll know in a little while... then follow your heart! give that sweet Cody a hug from me!
-------------------- Deb Fowler
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney (1901-1966)
Posts: 5373 | From: Loves Park, Illinois | Registered: Aug 1999
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Deb, The Cat's in the Cradle is by Harry Chapin.. not Cat Stevens.. When my kids were little, I cut back on my jobs. I so enjoyed my kids, I was glad that the money I made wasn't "required", but only just "gravy". I found a lovely mother where my kids could stay on those occasions when I had a job, but it was rare.. maybe once a week. My first child never had a babysitter until he was 2 years old. I'm a full blown femi-nazi, and that means, a woman has the CHOICE about whether she wants to stay with the kids, or the daddy does. No body loves those babies like you do. Some unlucky people don't have the choice because of financial need... I feel so sorry for them, but there is good care somewhere. Only a small percentage of daycare places are child sacrificing devil worshippers<-- attempt at levity! I really enjoyed those babies.. and now the first one is almost 22 and my baby just turned 14 today! But everyone else's babies are annoying.. LE
-------------------- LazyEdna in RL known as Sara Straw from southern Utah 5 National Parks within 3 hours drive Red Rock Heaven Posts: 776 | From: Aurora, Utah, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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LE - you're a hoot! I still tell the one about the Morman with a sheep under each arm. And you're right: other people's kids ARE annoying.
Posts: 4117 | From: Lilburn, GA USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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I can't thank you enough for those last few posts! I was starting to feel pretty crappy about things until Stephen interjected.
Sorry I keep coming back to post here; I'm really enjoying this topic! Here's more of my story.
During the first 2 years of Cody's life, I was pretty much a fulltime mom, having my shop run by an employee. Once she left, I had to step in overnight. I could have rehired, but at the time, things were getting tighter financially due to our growing addition to the family, so I decided to work to help out.
It was the hardest decision I ever made. I cried all the time while in the office, thinking of my sweet baby. However, he was in the arms of his very first sitter who lived across the road. She adored him which makes a huge difference in many ways.
Nearly immediately I started building my homebased shop. I was only fulltime away from Cody for approx 3 months out of his 2 years at that time. It tore me to shreds inside but I knew my payoff would come soon, working from home. I'm now home for 5 months so far, and love it.
Cody has never been outside the home before as we've always brought in child care to our home. When my last sitter wanted to leave, something told me inside that perhaps a change may be in order this time around. Cody is growing up and now adores interaction with kids which I can't provide on my own, so I went in search of childcare that would incorporate that.
It was an incredibly hard search. I called back my old sitter to hang in there, as I was still searching. I am very fussy! If he's to go into someone else's home this time, even a couple times a week, I wanted standards that we were all accustomed to. You'd think asking for a clean place would be standard but it isn't!
After alot of hair pulling, late Thursday night I got a call from a stay at home mom. She has a 2 yr old little girl, and she herself is 4 mo. pregnant. I was out of time and energy, and decided after a pretty thorough interview via phone to meet with her. Everyone else dropped this bomb at the end of the interview. This gal's bomb was that she was pregnant, meaning an interruption in care, but she informed me that immediately, rather than right at the end. I respected that and chose to give it a chance.
I think I really found a gem. Her interaction with both children was phenomenal. She was confident yet gentle with her approach, and talked to Cody on his level, getting onto her knees. I was sold.
We will be trying her for this week and see how it goes for everyone. I am working on a backup that can come to our home at a moment's notice should the care from her suddenly stop, which it eventually will. But my theory is, I can put him in a place where it can be long term, but I may hate it. I immediately felt comfortable at her place. I wanted a home environment so Cody would feel like he's at a playdate, rather than a large daycare center. She claims she wants to care for Cody 2 weeks after giving birth, but we'll see when that time comes.
Basically put, I need to help with our income and what I'm thinking is, putting him in an environment he can grow and have fun in while I bang out the productive work that he can't be a part of. On the days I can be home, I can do some work when he naps. But much like Stephen said, it's pure stress trying to get stuff done when Cody's on the loose. He's also a button pusher, mouse shover, etc. (I've often wondered how it was like raising a girl! LOL!)
Lynda hit on quality time. After a hard day of work, I'm estatic to greet Cody at the door, his little face beaming as he's squeeling running towards me. He's so excited about his day and sharing it with me, that he pulls me to this and that showing me what he and the sitter did, made, saw, etc. We have the best evenings, where I don't touch the housework, but my time is with my little guy.
I dunno... I don't see personally how me working has affected him badly. Perhaps having him in his home environment and good caregivers has been the ticket? We shall see how the new arrangement affects him. If I see anything negative, he's back home in an instant once again.
For those interested, I'll report how the new sitter is doing at the end of this week. From the looks of our first visit, where he and the other little girl were playing dressup, he was having a pretty good time, even though he was wearing sparkly high heels... LOL!
Thought I'd mention, that daycare has it's advantages...later on-ish, that is. It will get him ready to be in a room full of other kids and sit at a table and not wig out swinging from the lights, and eatin play-doh...hehehe!
I was shipped in from Germany at 5 years of age and slung into first grade with no idea of the basics of being in a room with other children. We had maids/caregivers at home in Germany but they spoke italian, french and german and didn't teach me a lot except to come in when it's raining...and undress to bathe, etc.
How I wish I had the luxury of some experimental time in a classroom setting, before my first day of school, which I was promptly sent to the principals office within the first hour...long story, but humiliating just the same.
It's funny too, maybe one night on chat I'll tell ya. I never left the house and was unprepared to face a group...what I'm trying to say is try different things and don't get locked into any one thing. Cody changes every day...you'll have to go with the flow.
I'm laughin here...you came home and built a shop so you could spend time with him, and poof the whole thing changes...it's life, and it happens, smile and roll with it.
posted
adding to what Linda expressed.... When Jake was a baby we planted this 10'x10' section of grass in the middle of our garden, thinking we could lay the baby out on the grass while we grew dinner. The joke on us was that by the time the grass was set enough to walk on, the baby was starting to be mobile. They change so fast and we need to recognize it and roll with it.
Soon Cody will need to be in a larger flock, and still need time to have one other kid to be with. There are the times he'll need the skills of working with other adults than parents.
Let the variety happen. It's important that it doesn't always happen at the homes of others, you'll need to have some of the tea parties at home too, not just on birthdays. Social balance is important and the parental security is what he'll always return to.
-------------------- The SignShop Mendocino, California
First off, do your best and never feel guilty about raising children. Nine times out of ten there is always a better way and feeling guilt when you should have done things a little different (after reflecting) is a waste of time.
When our kids were small they were with us as much as possible. But I could never take them with me to work and neither could Lynn. Since I worked shift work I would look after the kids during the day and Lynn took care of them in the evening.
We simply adjusted our schedule to the babysitters and things worked out fine. For dangerous or important jobs where you know that the little guy is going to be a hastle simply get a sitter for the two or three days a week. Don't feel guilty about that, either. schedule your jobs around those times. It gives everyone a breather. (I still remember what a two year old is like)
Because they are at a sitter doesn't mean you are neglecting them. It makes you that much more responsible to yourself and your child ensuring safety and professionalism for your business.
Of course, since my kids aren't perfect what the hell do I know? I still love them and they are still around so they must love me.
Kevin Landry KnL Signs Halifax NS
-------------------- Kevin Landry KnL Signs Halifax NS
posted
Tie a pork chop on a string and hang it around his neck and put him outside with the dog. He'll always have somebody to play with. Well so much for old sayings. I had my 9 year old with me Sat. morning for about 4 hours. It really bothers him to have to sit still for long periods. All he wanted to do was ride his bike in the neighborhood. About noon, I gave up on my end and went home. He had just sprayed some mosquito spray on my truck. and I caught him putting a small rock in the tailpipe while I was talking to a potential client.
As a single-father I used to take my son into the art department of the newspaper where I often put in a few hours of overtime in the evening during busy seasons. I think I started this when he was about 3-4 years old and we did this for a bunch of years until he was old enough to stay at home on his own. He still recalls the times he coloured clip art and messed around with the photocopier. It wasn't easy limiting his use of that copier, let me tell you. I came across some of his copies of his hands etc. not that long ago. Real cute memories!
I think it's good for a child to spend time with a babysitter or another family just to be exposed to more people in their life because life indeed is a contact sport and it's never too early for them to 'network'. Steve's babysitters and their families were an incredibly positive force in his life especially as I couldn't personally provide him with a 'nuclear family' influence. I was extremely lucky to find good folks for him to spend his formative years and after schools. Friendships he gained there still endure and he turned 16 not that long ago. I'm extremely proud of how he turned out.
I think there are times that a child can be involved in what you do and other times that they should be somewhere else in the care of someone you trust.
[ October 02, 2001: Message edited by: Marty Happy ]
-------------------- Happy Signing...... Marty
M.F. (Marty) Happy Signmaker Since 1974 Happy Ad Sign & Design Regina SK, Canada S4N 5K4 306-789-9567 happyad@sasktel.net www.happyad.ca
Get Happy & Get Noticed! Posts: 773 | From: Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada | Registered: Jan 1999
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Choosing how to raise your children is a very personal decision. I think often people worry more about what other people will think of them as parents, more than what is best for their child. Every child is different, and every child needs different parenting skills.
From what I have seen, you are a wonderful, attentive mother with a healthy, happy, busy little boy. I think he is blessed to have choosen you and your hubby as parents, and it is obvious that you are doing a great job, and that you love him dearly. I don't see a thing wrong with letting him enjoy the company of other responsible adults, and learning to interact with other kids.
I think it is downright dangerous and irresponsible to drag a small child to busy truck bay and that you are absolutely correct in seeking childcare for him. I also feel that we can become very pre-occupied with our work, and just because the child is in the same room with you, does not mean he is receiving quality care.
Don't be so hard on yourself Donna. Give yourself a break, get your work done, and enjoy your son. You will be a better mother for it.
Sue
-------------------- "It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot
Suelynn Sedor Sedor Signs Carnduff, SK Canada
Posts: 2863 | From: Carnduff, SK Canada | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Opinions are interesting things, they are not 'truth absolute' except for the folk that own them. Just as each person is unique so are the relationships between them. Donna you are smart enough to know that you are the only person who can say what is right for Cody and for You! I understand that other peoples experience can often help us find alternatives that we may not have thought of and so for what its worth
Each of my kids were at some time integrated into my work life just as their arrival had meant fitting them into all aspects of my living, the lines between home and 'everything else' are constantly moving as ages, needs and circumstances change.
I worked nights when my first born arrived, her father was allergic to work it seemed, so food and shelter was why I worked. Number 2 came along and to have a home of our own I had to work full time. I found a mum (friend of mine) to care for my 2 in her home, the kids instantly had an extended family in a home environment and it worked wonderfully. After my divorce I worked part time in the evenings to help feed us and my mother cared for the kids, again they were nurtured by a mothering figure who had the time to play, feed, teach and generally 'be there' when I couldn’t.
Faith went to pre-school at 3 and loved it! Five mornings a week she got to be part of a wider social group in which she thrived... Mathew went once or twice, didn’t enjoy it so instead he stayed with my mum. Benjamin went one day per week and couldn’t hardly wait till he could go the next week Kristen was the same Lucus never went to day care or pre school instead he came to work with me Jake went to a special intensive therapy pre-school for handicapped kids with great results Samual & Bethany came to work with us from the time they were very small. We had a play pen (12' x 12') to keep them safe right in the middle of the workshop I remember spending more time inside the play pen than out some days... but ya get that They started at the local day care centre from just before their 3rd birthday for lots of reasons, not the least of which was that Bethany managed to turn the tap on 2lts of laquer thinners and we had to evacuate the workshop for a day. My children's safety was what prompted my decision to send them to be cared for by people who’s sole purpose was to make absolutely certain that my kids got the best care possible... I figured we were on the same side there.
Of all my kids, the ones that went to early education centres have been the ones who found ‘big school’ a breeze. These are the children who have been in the top classes and had no difficulty with socialising or fitting in. The ones who didn’t go to day care or pre school, seemed to find school a much less enjoyable time, they had a some trouble interacting with the other kids but much bigger problems dealing with authority figures who were not me.
I have always HAD to work to pay the rent, mortgage, electricity and to help feed us... not just for the joy of it. I also firmly believe that being female doesn’t exclude me from the responsibility of supporting my family, just as being male doesn’t exclude fathers from their parenting role. It’s all about compromise and being able to adapt as circumstances change.
One of my favourite quotes has always been by John Lennon, ‘life’s what happens to you while your busy making other plans’.
It doesn’t matter what you do it will always been seen by some as wrong, that’s just human nature.
My eldest daughter is a stay at home mum, she is raising 5 little people on her own and as her eldest now tells us, she wishes her mum worked like her friends mums do so that they weren't so poor.
If it were a perfect world... I’d kinda like to live the way tribal folk did, with the grandparents caring for and teaching the younger ones while the parents provide for them all. But that has not been available to me, so I have done other things.
As I write this one onf my son's is installing a banner for me, he doesnt work here full time but I needed help today so he came in. After all we are a working family
Good luck with your decision
cheers gail
-------------------- Gail & Dave Hervey Bay Qld Australia
gail@roadwarriorproducts.com.au
sumtimes ya just gota!
Posts: 794 | From: 552 O'Regans Creek Rd Toogoom Qld 4655 Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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Cody spent his first day at the new sitter's. What a wonderful woman this one is! She could see my reluctance to leave him because Cody wasn't wanting to stay at first, so I allowed her to guide me. She gave me the signal when all would be well, and I left without hearing a tantrum on my way out! Whew!
I came back home to the house to make some lunch, and the house felt like an absolute tomb. Way too quiet! No smacking of Cody's little bare feet on the floors. I hated it. I took my lunch and headed for my shop, which doesn't normally have Cody's presence there as a general rule, so it felt better to be there without him.
When it was time to pick Cody up, I couldn't wait to get there. It felt like Christmas morning for me as a kid. He spotted me pulling in the driveway and we raced for each other, but rather than clinging to me which he normally did, he excitedly grabbed for my hand and led me to the sidewalk. The kids had been bug watching!
I was estatic to see him in such wonderful spirits. He was well rested, not hungry, so very clean (how did she do that?!?) and although happy to see me, not overly anxious to leave. Success on our first day!
I immediately felt better about the situation. I'm really talking myself into seeing this as Cody is visiting his little friend Victoria for the day. When he came home that night, he wasn't ansy to get out among other people. He was content to just be in my company and take it easy. I can now see we're doing 2 things at once here; he's getting his kid interaction in throughout the day which is something only I could provide myself before.
One thing that made a difference to me big time was taking our time in the morning. We had breakfast together before I drove him over. I loved that so much as compared to sneaking out of the house before he woke up like before. For as long as I can get away with it, I hope to start my workdays mid morning rather than 9am sharp!
I love all your stories on how you raised your kids through your work. Very inspiring.
quote:Originally posted by Donna in BC: I'm finding since I started running my biz, 99% of my work switched over to being off site, away from my office. What I'm finding now is, there isn't a huge benefit being homebased because of the way my work takes me away from my home anyway, therefore needing childcare for Cody.
Obviously, gearing my work so I can stay home more would be a huge benefit which I'll start to attempt more and more. However, the way it sits now, I'm trying to come up with solutions in keeping Cody in my care as much as possible, yet getting my work done.
I would suggest doing all you can to change your work venue to home. You can do this. I am in the shop 95% of the time, and I think we basically do similar type jobs. You just have to start retraining your customers, who will find a way to come to you without too much trouble.
quote:There doesn't seem to be an easy solution with a 2 yr old. They're so busy and trying to be productive while you keep them from tearing the place apart would prove pretty impossible from where I'm sitting right now.
I realize he'll be in school soon etc, but that's not for a few years yet.
Very true. My kids are a little older now (6 & 4), but I can remember the struggle of trying to care for a toddler and work at the same time. That was right about the time I started working less than half the hours I used to work, just so I could spend time with the little ones. Fortunately, my wife shared the time and we did child care in shifts so I could get my work done.
quote:I'm debating asking the school girls down the road if he could come to their home some evenings for a paid 'visit' so I could at least be mobile in those greasy noisy bays we love so much. That way he'd have playtime, as well as me getting my work done and still being with him for the day. I'll have to talk with my customers to see if it's ok to do the work in the evenings vs daytime, but for the most part I'm pretty sure they'd leave me a key. (they are big time regulars)
For on site work, this is where I'm scratching my head. Obviously for heavy concentration work, I'd do it while Cody naps, but for other decal preparation work, I could possibly swing that with Cody in tow, with some difficulty of course. I'd have to super toddler proof my office better for a start.
I dunno. Am I dreaming up the impossible? Am I better off getting childcare for him during the days so I can work stress free and just get the job done and come home to him? (I'm feeling really guilty these days having someone else care for him, in my heart that's my job)
I've read in a post long ago where most of you just brought your kids to your workplaces, etc. Please bear in mind, we're talking about 2 yrs old. They don't want to be contained anywhere such as a playpen, nor do the cooperate very long with our requests.
I'd love some feedback on how you did it, or are currently doing your work while caring for your family at the same time. Thanks guys!
The key is changing the work location. If you really feel that keeping your current clientel dictates on-site work, then daycare may be the only option. (Which, like you, I resisted.) A 2-year-old can't be expected to conform to the on-site environment and lack of close supervision. You may need to compromise the situation for the good of your family by taking fewer jobs and working less hours. And it may be a blessing in disguise to do just that - it was for me.
Congratulations on your first day of breath taking quality time! It sounds as if you really enjoyed it! Raising children is not suppossed to be a trap that you and the children fall into, but a most glorious experience where you both get to have a life and share the most precious experiences with each other!
I am so elated to read the supportive posts you have acquired. I am so proud of everyone letting down their walls and peacefully suggesting ideas and experiences! This is so kewl!
Thanks Donna, for a most beautiful experience for us all! Not only did we get to offer some help to you, but, as for me at least, remembering what I've been through with mine, the hard times and the good, we made it, and realizing that the small stuff wasn't worth sweating over! The memories are great to pull out of the treasure box and proudly share with everyone.
(Hay guys, we need to make Donna and Cody matching T-shirts that say..."Plays well with others!")
It's like Sue and the rest have tried to tell ya, life's too short to waste on should/could haves.
Seems mom is having a tougher time than little guy. It'll take me some time to adjust. Having him in another's home has pulled alot of heart strings in all directions for me. I took today off because I couldn't concentrate on work. I just wanted to hug lil' dude for the day.
I am so glad I'm my own boss! You can't beat the flexibility where family is concerned.
You are aware that when you pop him on the school bus, they aren't gonna let you follow the bus and get out and hug him everytime they stop to pick up more kids...at least not without calling the authorities...hehehe!
He's going to grow up, they all do. My oldest just moved out again, sniff, sniff. It ain't easy, but, ya gotta let em fly!
posted
Did you see that Dateline (or 20/20 ?) where Barbara Walters interviews the parents of 17 year old quintuplits that she had also interviewed 17 years earlier (old photos incl.)
Anyway, they are all moving out to College this fall. Now thats an empty nest to adjust to!