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» The Letterville BullBoard » Old Archives » Court Testimonies

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Author Topic: Court Testimonies
Wayne Webb
Resident


Member # 1124

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These are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment
of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the cult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.


Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

------------------
"The most beautiful
thing we can experience
is the mysterious. It is
the source of all true
art and all science. He
to whom this emotion is
a stranger, who can no
longer pause to wonder
and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead: his
eyes are closed."

Albert Einstein

Failure to advertise is a lot like blinking in the dark. Nobody, but you, knows what you're doing.

Wayne Webb
Webb Sign Studio
Chipley, FL
850.638.9329
webbsignstudio@digitalexp.com


Posts: 7405 | From: Chipley,Florida,United States | Registered: Oct 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Don Coplen
Resident


Member # 127

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Wayne, those were all funny...but that last one about attorneys is priceless! Thank you for the laugh.

------------------
Don Coplen
aka "SaintPete"
Coplen Designs
St.Petersburg,
FL
dcoplen@mindspring.com

Co-Conspirator (with Bill
Modzel and Dave Sherby)
of the unofficial Letterville
Adobe Illustrator
Support Group &
coffee house.

If any Letterville Adobe
Illustrator users need any
help, feel free to
email any of the three
of us and we will help
out as best we can.


Posts: 4084 | From: ... | Registered: Nov 1998  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ken Henry
Visitor
Member # 598

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Thanks Wayne for a real tears-in-my eyes laugh. Those are hilarious!

------------------
Ken Henry
Henry & Henry Signs
London, Ontario Canada
(519) 439-1881
e-mail kjmlhenry@home.

Some days you get to be the dog....other days, you get to be the fire hydrant.


Posts: 2689 | From: London,Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cam Bortz
Visitor
Member # 55

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Reminds me of a guy named Hacksaw, a drunk who lives in a car in the ferry lot on Block Island. Hacksaw got arrested for urinating in public, and went before the magistrate, who asked him where he lived.
A. "Aspen"
Q. "Aspen? as in Colorado?"
A. "No. Aspen, as in Dodge"

------------------
"A wise man concerns himself with the truth, not with what people believe." - Aristotle

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Raoul Duke (Hunter S. Thompson)

Cam
Finest Kind Signs
256 S. Broad St.
Pawcatuck, Ct. 06379
"Award winning Signs since 1988"


Posts: 3051 | From: Pawcatuck,Connecticut USA | Registered: Nov 1998  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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