God created the heavens and the Earth, and the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this." And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good. And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the cattle, and over all the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image: male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live healthy lives.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game." And Satan created McDonalds. And McDonalds brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained five pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, so that Woman might keep her figure that man found so fair. And Satan brought forth Chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them." And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds and his LDL cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth Nike and New Balance running shoes, and Man resolved to lost those extra pounds. And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil!" And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And Satan saw and said, "It is good."
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan smiled and created HMOs.
------------------ Si Allen #562 La Mirada, CA. USA (714) 521-4810 ICQ # 330407 "SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"
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Posts: 8831 | From: La Mirada, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. The bus rolled up and when it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step. About this time a big fellow that was behind her in the line picked her up easily by the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she turned on her would-be hero, screeching at him, "How DARE you touch me! I don't even know who you are!"
At this the gentleman drawled, "Well, Ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
------------------ Artworks Olympia WA
Posts: 797 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: Nov 1998
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