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I got this in my email the other day and couldn't hold it any longer...just too funny for pet owners! You could exchange the "face licking" for attitude when thinking of getting a cat hahaha! ...and shredded curtains for chewed furniture.
>How to Prepare for a Puppy > >1. Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around >barefoot in the dark. > >2. Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender. > >3. Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying," Be >a >good puppy, go potty >now - hurry up - come on, lets go!" > >4. Cover all your best suits with dog hair. For Dark suits use white hair, >and for light suits use dark hair. Also, float some hair in your >first cup of coffee of the morning. > >5. Play "catch" with a wet tennis ball. > >6. Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate. > >7. Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scattering clothing all over the >floor. > >8. Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where the >dog will drag it anyway. >Especially when you have company.) > >9. Shortly before the end of your favorite TV program, jump out of your >chair >and run to the door shouting, "No no! Do that OUTSIDE!" Be sure to miss the >end of the program. > >10. Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and don't try to >clean it up until you return from work that evening. > >11. Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver >-- it's going to get >chewed on anyway. > >12. In the morning, when you get up, and in the evening, when you come in >from work, go to the kitchen and spend 2 minutes lightly rubbing your face >with cold, raw meat. > >13. At least once a day, throw one shoe or slipper far under the bed. Then, >spend ten minutes searching >for it, preferably just before going to work. > >14. Leave individual pieces of dry puppy chow on the floor and in the bed >so >you can step, sit, or lie down on them. > >15. Chew on all lamp cords. > >16. At least once every two hours, jump up and begin whistling and calling >"Here, puppy!" Then, proceed to another room and swear for two minutes. >[Best >if done in a dark room. Try to find the puppy chow with your feet. (See >item >14.) > >17. At least once per evening, enter the kitchen without turning on the >lights and kick the full puppy food and water dish. Spend ten minutes >cleaning up the mess >with one hand while patting your face with raw meat with the other. > >18. After fraying a sock in the blender, (See item 2.) remove the sock, add >two tablespoons of dryer lint, and blend in one half of one page of a >newspaper. Set blender to lowest speed and add one can of >condensed cream of mushroom soup. Blend for about 30 seconds. Spoon this >mixture onto door mats and any >items of clothing left on the floor or dragging on the floor. Wait four >hours >before cleaning. > >19. Take a warm and cuddly blanket out of the dryer and immediately wrap it >around yourself. This is the feeling you will get when your puppy falls >asleep on your lap.
------------------ DrQuill - Mural Woman PEACE SIGNS logodesign2@icqmail.com Georgia, USA
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hehehe! George chews his tennis balls to smitherenes. He eats all his treats and he hasn't been in the new van yet...coincidentally, none of the seatbelts have been gnawed on either hahaha!
------------------ DrQuill - Mural Woman PEACE SIGNS logodesign2@icqmail.com Georgia, USA
The (4) cats I have like to do no. 18 when they don't get to eat the "no hairball" version of catfood. (Longhaired variety) Tryin to catch them all to put butter on their nose was a pain in the butt. They eat my plants, and play with straws, until they knock the drinks over, and used to chew the wires on the nintendo setup. A monthly run to radio shack got old...hehehe!
I'm not one who loves the smell of damp cat litter in the morning!
But I do love to sit or lay down somewhere and get covered in purring heaven! There's not a place in house you can sit without one or more jumping up to be loved on!
------------------ DrQuill - Mural Woman PEACE SIGNS logodesign2@icqmail.com Georgia, USA
No. 18 without the blender hehehe!
[This message has been edited by Linda Silver Eagle (edited April 10, 2001).]
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My pets keep me grounded and I keep them "rounded". (they steal each other's food, and want to be in the other's shoes! (wish I could post pix!) I will learn someday... cute post, Linda.
------------------ Deb Creative Signs
Posts: 5373 | From: Loves Park, Illinois | Registered: Aug 1999
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This is a true story that happened yesterday. I rented a room in my house out to a friend, he moved in a couple of days ago. I've lived here with my cat, Shadow for about four years. Shadow never poops in the house. As soon as Mark got his room all situated Shadow went in and left a big present right in the middle of his bedroom floor. Cats have a way of letting you know their feelings.
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Did I ever tell yawl how I dust under furniture here? I turn the dog loose in the house...four feather dusters set on turbo deluxe!
I dust the baseboards by using a lazer pointer...they just paw after it till they get the job done! Don't underestimate the power of a remote control for the kitties hahahah!
------------------ DrQuill - Mural Woman PEACE SIGNS logodesign2@icqmail.com Georgia, USA
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To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Sincerely, The CAT
------------------ Si Allen #562 La Mirada, CA. USA (714) 521-4810 ICQ # 330407 "SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"
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Posts: 8831 | From: La Mirada, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Chuck- grab a bottle of "Nature's Miracle" at the local PetSmart (or large pet store) and scrub the area where the fur ball left the "present"... if you don't- kitty will think it has a "right" to mark that spot over and over and over again. They smell their own sent that's left over even after scrubbing it. Rubbing their little faces in it and beating them with a newspaper won't cure this potty faux paws. It will make YOU feel better for a while, but their sent tells them where their business is "to be done" and no newspaper will cure that.
I love my cats, but I do love cat jokes.
If the kitty doesn't get the hint... give her a bath! Drop her in the toilet, shut the lid and flush three times.... then run like hell!
The scratched once and twice bitten side of the Moon
P.S. Got a black light? If you want to know where kitty has been tinkling on the carpet- turn off all the lights in the room and shine the black light on the carpet. This could lead to a real "outdoor" experience for the kitty, so make sure her shots are updated!
------------------ The Moon aka: Stefenie Harris Moonlight Designs Pollock Pines, CA learnin' somethin' new every day!
Posts: 550 | From: Pollock Pines, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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