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PIGS AND BITCHES A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving down the same road from the opposite direction. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells "PIG". The man immediately leans out his window and yells, "BITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next curve, he crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road.
MORAL OF THE STORY: If only men would listen
Clintonesque Justice
One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." Clinton thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Bill said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the next room. In it was Newt Gingrich with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Bill. The devil opened a third door. In it, Clinton saw Jesse Jackson, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Clinton took this in in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go!"
------------------ Dave Sherby "Sandman" SherWood Sign & Graphic Design Crystal Falls, MI 49920 906-875-6201 ICQ: 21604027 sherwood@up.net
[This message has been edited by Dave Sherby (edited March 16, 2001).]
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Things you shouldn't say when/if a cop pulls you over :
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. That hooker I met at the clinic said you were a nice guy. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125mph to keep up with me! Good job! Why did you stop me ? I drive like this all the time ! That uniform makes your ass look really big. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer. "Bad Cop! No Donut!" You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? "Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence." Didn't Isee you get your ass kicked on Cops? Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand. I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket. So, uh, you on the take, or what? Gee,officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far they are ahead of me. So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little? What do you mean 'have I been drinking?' You're the trained specialist. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
------------------ Artworks Olympia WA
Posts: 797 | From: Olympia, WA | Registered: Nov 1998
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