HAMMER: Origanally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your shop, works particularly well on boxes containing Tee's and/or motorcycle jackets.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning steel Pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age, but it also works great for drilling mounting holes in fenders just above the brake line that goes to the rear wheels.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence it's course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE GRIPS: Used to round off bolt heads.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a brake drum on your shop truck, while your trying to get a bearing race out.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been looking for the last 15 minutes.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted panel your were watching dry.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar caluses in about the time it takes to say, "Ouch....."

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering your shop truck to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake setup, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering your shop truck upward off a hydraulic jack.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters from the EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4.

PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbour to see if he has another hydraulic jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-doo off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT & STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2X16" SCREWDRIVER: A large prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

AVIATION SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The Sign Artist's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light. It is a good source of vitamen D, the "sunshine vitamen," which is not found when finishing that last "truck" at night. It's main purpose is to consume 40 watt light bulbs at the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells were used in the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, it's name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

Please feel free to add your "OWN"

first post........be kind.....lol

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