I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. And, I never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. And I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??????"
So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking "What was her first clue?". I finally realize that nothing was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep.
The very next day, we went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say OK. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you........ she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was OK. She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen her face when she said "I'm ready to go to the cash register."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face ....... it went completely blank. I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man." I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of 2008.
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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-------------------- Bill Riedel Riedel Sign Co., Inc. 15 Warren Street Little Ferry, N.J. 07643 billsr@riedelsignco.com Posts: 2953 | From: Little Ferry, New Jersey, USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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Very funny, Joe! You got to keep 'em guessing. If you want to have some real fun, tell her about bumping into a fictious friend you haven't seen since high school. Here's the story:
This guy had a sex change operation. You wanted to know how that went and what hurt the worse. He or I should say "she" said that there was considerable pain with those breast implants, but it was worth it because she enjoyed fondling her new assets. Even when they cut off her you know what the pain was made bareable by the fact that she never did like those dirty appendages. But when they drilled a hole in the side of her head and sucked out half her brain she though she'd die.
Then ask her if she wants to be held!!
-------------------- Bill Diaz Diaz Sign Art Pontiac IL www.diazsignart.com Posts: 2107 | From: Pontiac, IL | Registered: Dec 2001
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Alright, two can play at this game!! A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire. Further studies are expected. ....just kidding honey!!
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire. Further studies are expected.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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