posted
A scottish Guy, an American, and a Newfoundlander were all having a few drinks at a local bar, in Newfoundland. The Scott says that "Back Home there's a local bar called the Split Crow, After you have 5 beers the 6th one is free!" The American says "That's Great!, But back where I come from, the local Tavern throws in the 3rd beer for free and gives out free sandwiches!" The Newfie says "I can top that one, Back Home in Newfoundland there's a local Pub that gives away Beer all night long, and after that there's a room upstairs that they will take you to get laid!" The American and Scott look at each other and says "Sure they do, and did this ever happen to you?" The Newfoundlander says " No, Not to me personally, but it happend to Bridget My sister!"
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
A Texan, a Californian and a Oregonian are standing at the bar drinking when the Texan throws his bottle of Lone Star towards the ceiling and whips out a gun and shoots it saying that in Texas, theres a lot of Lone Star beer. After awhile the Californian throws his glass of wine towards the ceiling and shoots it saying in California theres lots of wine. After some time goes by the Oregonian throws his micro-brew glass towards the ceiling, whips out his gun and shoots the Californian and says, in Oregon we have lots of Californians
-------------------- HotLines Joey Madden - pinstriping since 1952 'Perfection, its what I look for and what I live for'
posted
You guys are killing me. I've been sitting here thinking of a joke to add to this, and the only thing I can think of is this.. (true story)
A few years ago, my hubby was working in WV. One of his guys (Mike) had relatives in the town they were in. One day, the other guys asked Mike if it was true that the only virgins in WV were the girls that could outrun their brothers. His answer was "We put a girl behind a barrel. If she can see over it, we f*#@ her. If not, we cut the barrel in half."
-------------------- Chris Welker Wildfire Signs Indiana, Pa Posts: 4254 | From: Indiana, PA | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
ha ha ha! lets hear some more. then there was Nanuk the eskimo, his Sno Mobile broke down, He brought it to the Mechanic who said that it might take some time, so he went next door for some lunch, after lunch he went back to check up on it, the mechainic said that he blew a seal, nanuk said No, that's just a bit if Mayonaise from the sandwich I just had.
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
a plane is flying from New YOrk to London. On the plane are A Texan, a Canadian, a Mexican and an Irishman.
THe plane develops engine trouble long before land and starts to descend. The pilot runs out of the cockpit and says "we only have 1 parachute- I need three of you to make the supreme sacrifice so that the plane is light enough to make landfall." He runs back into the cockpit.
Instantly the Canadian runs to the door, throws it open and jumps to his doom, yelling "gOD BLESS MY FAMILY".
The Irishman runs right out after him, yelling God Bless Guinness beer!"
Tne Texan grabs the Mexican by the neck, runs over to the door and throws the helpless man out to his death. THe Texan yells "Remember the ALamo!"
-------------------- Steve Burke Cascades Inc NS Canada
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you Posts: 359 | From: NS Canada | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
A Raving Homo (RH)(gender challenged for political correctness ) individual enters a bar and orders a Sasperrallo. The bartender is not pleased but serves him anyway, but instructs him to sit quietly in the corner and not to bother the other customers. Soem tiem alter a large Texan rancher enters the establishment and sidles up to the bar. He slams his fist down hard on the bar top and says out loud "I'm soo thirsty I could suck dry a cow.... and buttf^%k it too...' Out of the corner comes RH, thumbs in his ears and all fingers extended to the sky " Mooooowsy Woooowsy.."
-------------------- "Are we having fun yet?" Peter Schuttinga DZines Sign Studio 1617 Millstream rd Victoria BC V9B-6G4 Posts: 521 | From: Victoria BC | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
City cousin goes to visit his country cousin down at the farm and is being given the grand tour.
Says the City Cousin, "Well now I find all this real interesting but this I have to ask about: Why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"Well funny you notice that Cuz. Ya see that pile of ashes there .... well that was the barn. I was in thar milkin' ole Bessy when she got kinda antsy and kicked out with here back legs. Caught me plumb up side of the head and knocked me unconscious and at the same time knocked over the lantern and started a fire.
That pig happened on by, smelled the smoke and dragged me out by my collar. Saved my life."
"Okay" says City, "but what about the wooden leg?"
"I'm gettin' to that. Ya see over yonder that grassy ridge jus past the holler? Well there was a chain gang workin' up thar and the deputy wasn't payin' much attention and three of the convicts snuck off and was hidin' in the grass. We figger they was hopin' to make it to nightfall and then come down and kill us in our sleep. But that pig happened on by and caught their scent and started squealin' and pointin' and a carryin' on so's thedeputy finally took notice and they caught 'em fore they could do us any harm."
"Fantastic .... but what about the wooden leg?"
"I's almost to that part. Now ya see that pond over thar?"
"Yes."
"Well the Mrs. decided on some fresh fish for dinner and went on up on on them rocks to cast her line ..... but she slipped on some moss or sumpthin' and fell in the pond. Now that woman don't swim a lick and she'd a drowned for sure except that pig happened on by and saw it happen. He dives right in and pulls her out and gives her mouth to mouth resusitation. Saved her life!"
"Phenomenal! But what about the wooden leg?"
"Well hell cousin, with a pig that good .... ya don't eat him all at once."
-------------------- Fred Weiss Allied Computer Graphics, Inc. 4620 Lake Worth Road Lake Worth, FL 33463 561 649-6300 allcompu@allcompu.com Posts: 427 | From: Lake Worth, Florida | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Applause]](graemlins/clap.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic