2. "I got a good women" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good women, with the meanest face in town."
3. The blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes…sort of: "I got a good women with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good women with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pounds."
4. The blues is not about choice: you stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch- ain’t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevy, Ford, Cadillac and broken-down trucks. Blues don’t travel in Volvo’s, BMW’s, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most blues transportation is a Greyhound Bus or southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools are not even in the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet. Adults sing the blues. In blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues. You cannot get the blues in any place that don’t get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness is not the blues however a women with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg because you were skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg ‘cause an alligator be chomping on it, is.
9. You can’t have the blues in an office or shopping mall because the lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the blues: * Highway * Jailhouse * Empty bed * Bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the blues: * Nordstrom’s * Gallery opening * Ivy League institutions * Golf courses’
12. No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old ethnic person and you have slept in it.
13. Do you have a right to sing the blues? Yes, if: * you are older than dirt * you be blind * you shot a man in Memphis * you can’t be satisfied 14. NO, if: * you have all of your teeth * you were once blind but now can see * the man in Memphis lived * you have a 401K or trust fund
15. Blues is not a matter of color; it’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues but Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also have a leg up on the blues.
16. If you ask for water and your darlin’ give you gasoline, it’s the blues. * Other acceptable blues beverages include: cheap wine, whiskey or bourbon, muddy water or nasty black coffee * Non-blues beverages: Perrier, Chardonny, Snapple, Slim Fast
17. If death occurs in a cheap motel or shotgun shack, it is a blues death. Being stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die, along with the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. It is not a blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction
18. Some blues names for women: * Sadie * Big Mama * Bessie * Fat River Dumplin’
19. Blues name for men: * Joe * Willie * Little Willie * Big Willie
20. Persons with names such as Michelle, Amber, Debbie and Heather cannot sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis
21. No matter how tragic your life, you cannot sing the blues if you own even one computer.
22. How to pick your blues name: * Name a physical infirmity such as blind, cripple, lame, ect * First name above plus a fruit: lemon, kiwi, lime, ugli fruit * Add last name of a United States President: Jefferson, Fillmore, ect
Examples: Blind Lime Jefferson Jackleg Lemon Johnson Cripple Kiwi Fillmore Flatulent Grapefruit Clinton
-------------------- Compulsive, Neurotic, Anti-social and Paranoid ... but basically Happy Posts: 2677 | From: Rochester, NY, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
That's good. That be funny. But hey, not even ONE computer?!?
What about an old Toshiba laptop, scratch on the screen, 250 mhz processor, 8 gig HD, only portable with the old spare car battery and the $45 on sale inverter from Advance Auto?
I mean, when I take the kids fishing, and want to bring it along, it gets a wagon of it's own. The battery's a little greasy. Gotta count for something. Oh yeah, Windows 98, help me out, got to be blues material. If I hear even one peep about redneck not blues, you better hope your not from Memphis.
-------------------- James Donahue Donahue Sign Arts 1851 E. Union Valley Rd. Seymour TN. (865) 577-3365 brushman@nxs.net
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what's for lunch, Benjamin Franklin Posts: 2057 | From: 1033 W. Union Valley Rd. | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
That was good, Mark. As a lover of the blues, I can relate to most all you're sayin'.
When I was a little kid (long, long, long ago) I had what was called a Rocket Radio. It was a coil of wire device encased in a little rocket-shaped deal that had an alligator clip on it. You'd connect it to a water pipe, outlet box, or basically anything that could act as an antenna....and you could pick up major stations thru an earplug.
I used to lay in bed late at nite and listen to several stations in Chicago, Nashville, New York, etc...and blues music was common. From that day forth, I've always enjoyed the blues. And even though I had the blues for real at various times in my life, the music called The Blues always makes me feel good. And being here in Mississippi, it's not hard to find a vast assortment of styles, treatments, and artists.
-------------------- Dale Feicke Grafix 714 East St. Mendenhall, MS 39114
"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Posts: 2963 | From: Mendenhall, MS | Registered: Apr 1999
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posted
its also good to use the environment, inclement weather conditions... couldnt stand the weather, stormy monday, driving rain,,, etc..
also your message should be short and sweet, and then reidderated....
1)first as a declaration....
2)then again with conviction!
3)that should be followed by another declaration...
4) is also a repetition of the 3rd, just as the second line repeats the first, but this time it should go down low....
5 and 6) are also repetitions of each other, but are cumulative, as to conect 1-4 to the final message and give you something new to rythmn with... which you need to finish the cycle of 7
7 ) should only be said once, because now you have repeated 3 lines, and not repeating this one will make it seem the more important line, following immediately by a screaming passionate guitar solo
heres an example (a classic)
1) they call it stormy monday, but Tuesday is just as bad
2) they CALL it stormy monday, but TUESDAY is just as baaaaaaaad!
3) Wednesday is worse, but Thursday is oh so sad
4) I say WEDNESDAY is worse, and THURSDAY is ooooh sooooo sad...
5) the eagle flies on Friday, and Saturday I go out to play
6) I SAY the Eaaaagle flies on FRIDAY, oooooohh and Saturday I go OUT TO PLAY!
7) Sunday I go to church! and I get down on my knees and pray!
8) (solo)
the second verse should go something like this:
Lord have mercy, lord have mercy on me Lord have mercy, lord have mercy on me You know I tryin', tryin' to find my baby for 99 ad 1/2 days!
(stormy monday - Howlin Wolf)
if you want 1 blues album in your collection get Willie Dixon, I am the blues
-------------------- Ken McTague, Concept Signs 57 Bridge St. (route 107) Salem MA 01970 1-978-745-5800 conceptsign@yahoo.com http://www.pinheadlounge.com/CaptainKen
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"A wise man once said that, or was it a wise guy?" Posts: 2425 | From: Salem, MA | Registered: Apr 1999
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Well I woke up dis mornin’, I had dem Sign Maker blues Yeah, I woke up dis mornin’, I had dem Sign Maker blues I wuz out of paint an’ sign foam, I didn’t have no HDU
So I calls up my supplier, I says “There’s gotta be another way… The price of yo HDU Getting’ higher everyday… You got me by the short hairs With yo steady price increases If I can’t catch a break soon, My business be deceases”
Lawd have mercy, I got dem Sign Maker blues… Lawd, lawd have mercy, I got dem Sign Maker blues… I gots peoples wantin’ signs But can’t afford that HDU
(Harmonica solo here)
So then the man he tell me: “Now listen what I say, Routin’ that HDU Ain’t the only way Use DiBond for yer substrate Cut PVC for the rest Glue it all together An’ put it to the test It all comes in many colors, So you may not have to paint.” And when the man told me that, I thought I wuz gonna faint!
Now, thank you Jesus, I got dem dirty blues no more I said thank you, sweet Jesus, I got dem HDU blues no more Gonna move in a different direction And let the sun shine in my door!
posted
Tucker... there is something wrong with you. Something seriously wrong with you.
No wonder I think you are such a righteous dude. Hahahahahahahahaha! You fit right in!
-------------------- Bruce Bowers
DrCAS Custom Lettering and Design Saint Cloud, Minnesota
"Things work out best for the people who make the best of the way things work out." - Art Linkletter Posts: 6451 | From: Saint Cloud, Minnesota | Registered: Jun 1999
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posted
The way I heard it is: White folk don't write the blues, they create it............
-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
I've never had a million dollars, all at one time. But, I've spent a million dollars in my time.
An, I'm goin'down slowwww....!
Jack
-------------------- Jack Wills Studio Design Works 1465 E.Hidalgo Circle Nye Beach / Newport, OR Posts: 2914 | From: Rocklin, CA. USA | Registered: Dec 1998
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posted
Just staying on topic, I happen to love the blues and am an amateur blues harmonica player of over 35 years. I practice more than I should, 'cause it ain't gettin' me nowhere. I blame my Moma & Daddy for that, 'cause I was evidently born the wrong color.
Anyways, some of my favorite blues artist:
Little Walter Big Walter Howlin' Wolf Muddy Waters Jimmy Reed Sonny Boy Williamson (Rice Miller) Sonny Terry & Brownie McGhee Willie Dixon Mississippi Red John Lee Hooker Lighting Hopkins Robert Johnson
And last but not least:
Little Big Howlin' Sonny Boy Blind Wolf Man Willie Hooker. Classic blues man.
Shoot! If I'd just been born black, I wouldn't have to be making these damn signs!
posted
I think I'm going to have to pull out the 'ol acoustic and strum along to your lyrics there Mark! Kinda bluesy style, ya! (minus the harmonica solo of course)
quote:Originally posted by Richard Flint: I think I'm going to have to pull out the 'ol acoustic and strum along to your lyrics there Mark! Kinda bluesy style, ya! (minus the harmonica solo of course)
The Blues Excuse draws a part of our inspiration from the Blues Ethic which developed around the turn of last century.
Most early blues performers were Afro-Americans. And they had big problems getting any exposure in the USA at that time because of entrenched racism in the music publishing business.
But in 1919, a blues performer called Crooked Leg Brown took advantage of this situation to pull off one of the greatest scams in blues music history.
Crooked Leg paid a drunken white cotton farmer 10c to pose for a picture, then paid another 5c to buy a copy of the sheet music for "St Louis Blues" (a well-known tune in Alabama at the time) which he neatly copied onto a blank score sheet.
Then he concocted a biography for a fictitious character he named "Paul Whiteman, King of Jazz" and shelled out another 10c for a post office box and some stamps to mail the whole lot off to a well-known New York music publishing house.
The idea of a Southern "King of Jazz" (handily called "Whiteman") singing a negro blues song galvanized the music publishers and soon caught the imagination of Americans nation-wide.
Within a short time the Whiteman cover of St Louis Blues shot to the top of what passed for pops in those days and fat royalty cheques began filling Crooked Leg's Alabama PO box.
By the time the whole fraud was exposed 6 months later - to the great embarrassment of everyone involved - Crooked Leg had turned his 25c investment into around $15,000 (a big sum in those days!) and taken to the hills.
For many years afterwards, this wonderful scam was immortalised in the phrase "You're a real Whiteman" (which can still be heard in many old Hollywood films to this day).
posted
Great post Mark and soooooooooo darn funny - BOTH of you Marks!! My absolute favorite blues song of all times is "Red House" by Jimi Hendrix; it's got it all. I think my second favorite would have to be "Gone Go Downtown; Gone See my Gal..." by Blind Melon Chitlin.
-------------------- Ricky Jackson Signs Now 614 Russell Parkway Warner Robins, GA (478) 923-7722 signpimp50@hotmail.com
"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." Sir Issac Newton Posts: 3528 | From: Warner Robins, GA | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Yeah, Ricky, few folks know that the blues was Jimi's real love. That's what he really wanted to play, just blues. He really didn't care all that much for rock, but he was damn good at it and that's where the record labels pushed him.
Such a shame he died young. Stevie Ray Vaughn was a hell of a blues guitarist, but Jimi would have been the best ever had he lived, me thinks.
posted
My latest blues favorite these days is Dr Duke Tumatoe and the Power Trio. My two favorite lines from songs of his are:
Too much moderation is just another form of excess.
Who's that woman? That's no woman that's my ex-wife.
-------------------- Dana Blair Blair Signs Wooster, OH www.blairsigns.com
If sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their picket signs? Posts: 835 | From: Wooster, OH, USA | Registered: Jul 1999
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posted
I totally agree Mark; Jimi was my #1 influence and the reason I picked the guitar to begin with. I remember going to "The Bowl" (concert venue) and hearing the band introduce a song (Purple Haze) by Mister Jimi Hendrix. I recorded Austin City Limits when SRV played his last concert there. Man what a shame those guys are gone. I have the Jimi anthology and a purple J.H. shirt. I've been thinking about doing an airbrushed portrait of him. Oh, I almost forgot, I went to "the first annual Jimi Hendrix pop festival" in Byron, Ga (yeah, the site of the famous one) when I was about 22 years old. I remember buying a few hits of "Turkish Black Death acid, LOL. I don't remember much else tho.
-------------------- Ricky Jackson Signs Now 614 Russell Parkway Warner Robins, GA (478) 923-7722 signpimp50@hotmail.com
"If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." Sir Issac Newton Posts: 3528 | From: Warner Robins, GA | Registered: Oct 2004
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