posted
"you know, my cuzin makes signs, but he don't use no brushes. Why you use brushes anyway?"
"I used to make signs years ago"
"Dang son, if I had yur money, I'd burn mine"
"That looks nice, but can we make everything bigger"
Well hell, ya got lines on the board to follow. how hard can it be?"
"I believe I could do that"
"Now we don't want any of that old painted stuff, we want something nice"
"where's your cooler boy, I thought all you sign painters were drunks"
"I took graphic arts in college, but decided to switch majors. So I now about design and my design is perfect!" (ya they were ****ed cause I asked to "tweak" there design a little.
"I had no idea signs were so expensive!"
"I bought a for sale sign at Lowes, can you put my phone number on it so it will look nice? I want it to look nice"
And the all time grand puba of stupid crap that a customer can say while standing your shop.....after walking in the door.....that says SIGNS....after they parked there car under your main id, that just so happens to say "SIGNS" also.....
And with all the intelligence of an inbred corn smoker asks....
"You make signs?"
And my standard reply has been for the past twenty years...."Nope, I'm a male exotic dancer. Will this be for you, your wife or your mom......."
-------------------- Snow's Sign Works 865-908-0076 snowman@planetc.com www.snowsigns.com
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... Posts: 1640 | From: Sevierville, TN | Registered: Jul 2005
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Jake, I'll hafta remember that last one!! LOL!! .....but you forgot about the customers parking under that same sign and walking thru that same door looking for furniture. LMAO! Keep an eye out. I'll be rolling your way soon.
(only when I use my left hand is it free . . .this hand is 60 bux an hour . . .)
How 'bout this line:
"I used to know a guy who did'nt even draw it on there and did'nt use tape or anything . . . just free-hand. He had to be completely drunk to do it tho' . . . "
I've also had customers ask me:
"Do you drink? . . . How do you do that without drinkin'?"
It's amazing how many people really believe ALL sign painters are alcoholics, just because most of them are . . . LOLOL ;D Interestingly enough, I quit drinkin' a while before I met sign-biz . . . Mabey drinkin' again would improve my work??. . . LOLOL
posted
"what kind of signs does your husband make?" is probably my favorite. I have answered that before with "if I give him a marker & piece of cardboard, he might be able to write something almost legible."
-------------------- Chris Welker Wildfire Signs Indiana, Pa Posts: 4254 | From: Indiana, PA | Registered: Mar 2001
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""Good judgment comes from experience; and a lot of that comes from bad judgment" - Will Rogers Posts: 3489 | From: Beautiful Newaygo, Michigan | Registered: Mar 2003
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I just need plain block letters. Like this is cheaper???
-------------------- Bill Modzel Mod-Zel screen Printing Traverse city, MI modzel@sbcglobal.net Posts: 1357 | From: Traverse City, MI | Registered: Nov 1998
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Hahaha I've heard most of those too. Thanks guys Maybe we should compile a referece book.
quote:Originally posted by Sheila Ferrell: "Are you doing that free-hand?"
(only when I use my left hand is it free . . .this hand is 60 bux an hour . . .)
How 'bout this line:
"I used to know a guy who did'nt even draw it on there and did'nt use tape or anything . . . just free-hand. He had to be completely drunk to do it tho' . . . "
I've also had customers ask me:
"Do you drink? . . . How do you do that without drinkin'?"
It's amazing how many people really believe ALL sign painters are alcoholics, just because most of them are . . . LOLOL ;D Interestingly enough, I quit drinkin' a while before I met sign-biz . . . Mabey drinkin' again would improve my work??. . . LOLOL
Sheila, Hearing some of these lines day in and day out is enough to DRIVE somebody to drinkin'.
Just yesterday, this guy comes in and used the "this would be good advertising for ya" line. I just stood there, hung my head, trying not to smirk or shake my head. I did tell him though..."if you only knew how many times I've heard that...."
Yeah Bill... I hear the "block letters" one alot too. hehe
And I heard the "I had no idea signs were so expensive!" one today, Jake.
Thankfully there are enough good customers, who don't feel the need to feed me a line of baloney, to help keep me sane.
....or...as sane as possible
[ June 23, 2006, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: Wayne Webb ]
-------------------- Wayne Webb Webb Signworks Chipley, FL 850.638.9329 wayne@webbsignworks.com Posts: 7404 | From: Chipley,Florida,United States | Registered: Oct 1999
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and... I had a customer today that claimed she didn't have to pay sales tax on a menu sign for her business. Just because she gets all her equipment and food with no sales tax. But, I told her, look, lady, you are the end customer using this sign, and not reselling it. Yes, the sales tax must be paid. I don't want to get arrested for not charging and paying Uncle Sam (as she kept arguing- she didn't think I was educated since although I did beautiful signs for her and a very decent price. Well, she decided that she would not have a final set of small signs made which only were totalling 30 bucks, and wanted me to take them off the order to make up for some of the sales tax. Hmmmm time to get my contracts out again. That usually gets them straightened out.
-------------------- Deb Fowler
"It's kind of fun to do the impossible - Walt Disney (1901-1966) Posts: 5373 | From: Loves Park, Illinois | Registered: Aug 1999
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Customer: It's only a teeny weeny little job so It shouldn't cost much. Me: Nifty mobile phone/PDA/SatNav you've got, was it expensive? Customer: It only cost me a thousand bucks but look at how small it is...
-------------------- David Fisher D.A. & P.M. Fisher Services Brisbane Australia da_pmf@yahoo.com Trying out a new tag: "Parents are the bones on which children cut their teeth Peter Ustinov Posts: 1450 | From: Brisbane Queensland Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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HA!! Here I am ressurecting a dead-thread . . . doncha' love it . . .
(I GOTTA get my 'puter fixed)
ANYWAY . . . here's my reply to the 'ballpark figure' thing ONLY when I can really tell the person is just bargain-hunting:
"If we're talkin' baseball, my thing is, I wanna be the BEST ball player there is and make a grand slam home run, so count on me to knock it totally OUT of the park."
Then they kind'a laugh, and choke and go away because they know it will not be real cheap.
-------------------- Signs Sweet Home Alabama
oneshot on chat
"Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a dog" Posts: 5758 | From: "Sweet Home" Alabama | Registered: Mar 2003
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I don't guess anyone has posted this one yet:
"What if I provide the plywood?"
Answer... (and I've told them this)... "If you use that plywood, it's going to crack, the paint will peel, and it's going to be lookin' bad in a very short time."
"The substrate is the least expensive factor in the cost of producing a sign" "We design an advertisement which will promote your business...not "letters on a board".
Then if they get testy I might be tempted to say.... "Put your plywood out by the highway and see how much business it brings you."
"Better yet...build you a doghouse out of it cuz yer gonna need a place to stay when yer o'lady's had enough of yer cheap skinflint ways"
[ July 24, 2006, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Wayne Webb ]
-------------------- Wayne Webb Webb Signworks Chipley, FL 850.638.9329 wayne@webbsignworks.com Posts: 7404 | From: Chipley,Florida,United States | Registered: Oct 1999
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lets see.. we always have customers trying to give us lines.. last week a owner of 3 pizza resturants came in wanting his sandwich board fixed and price changed... He needed a bit of paint touched up, a few vinyl letters that were scuffed replaced and the price changed for his buffet.. we quoted him what i thought was a good price 100.oo for all.. and boy o boy.. .. his responses were..
dont you guarantee your signs.. (he purchaced it from the old owner of our shop back in 2002,) I buy all my signs here.. rof.. that was the last sign he had purchased .. ..... He did end up leaving it to be fixed but by the point he left.. neither i or the big guy wanted to do it lol..
Today we had a guy come in wanting a banner.. He kept saying.. but im only gonna use it once... why so much.. rof.. some peoples
-------------------- sue brown american instant signs pasadena, calif Posts: 90 | From: southern california | Registered: Jul 2006
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My all time favorite is: "Can't you just (insert stupid comment here)?"
It's usually uttered by the client with regard to something that's tedious, time consuming and outside the budget, in an attempt to make it seem soooooo easy.
-------------------- Paul Bierce - Designer pabierce@hotmail.com www.paulbierce.com Posts: 330 | From: Dix Hills, NY | Registered: Jan 2005
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quote:Originally posted by sue brown: Today we had a guy come in wanting a banner.. He kept saying.. but im only gonna use it once... why so much.. rof.. some peoples
I think I'll try that line at the local Ferrari dealership.
"But I'm only gonna drive it a few hundred miles a year! The rest of the time it's just gonna sit in my garage. Why is it so much?!"
-------------------- Paul Bierce - Designer pabierce@hotmail.com www.paulbierce.com Posts: 330 | From: Dix Hills, NY | Registered: Jan 2005
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"Can I borrow that roll of Orange Vinyl, I'm gettin' a sign made from "_____Signs, Window Tinting and Taxidermy" and they don't have any orange--- I promise I'll bring back what we don't use."
"I've got a REAL simple design I need you to work on-- shouldn't take but a couple of minutes to knock out." meaning: "I don't have a clue how to design this, but I don't want to pay very much for it."
-------------------- Michael Clanton Clanton Graphics/ Blackberry 19 Studio 1933 Blackberry Conway AR 72034 501-505-6794 clantongraphics@yahoo.com Posts: 1736 | From: Conway Arkansas | Registered: Oct 2001
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"Can I just wait on it? I mean you just punch it in the computer and a machine spits it out... Right? I got about 10 minutes before I gotta pick my wife up at Bill's Dollar Store."
-------------------- Jon Jantz Snappysign.com jjantz21@gmail.com http://www.allcw.com Posts: 3395 | From: Atmore, AL | Registered: Nov 2005
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"Can ya paint up a Grand Opening on this here piece of plywood that i painted fer ya??
( 3/4" 4X8 CDX that the coat of cheapest latex that has raised the grain and left fuzzies fron the roller...and doesn't quite cover the marks from the wheel barrow's tire)
-------------------- Si Allen #562 La Mirada, CA. USA
(714) 521-4810
si.allen on Skype
siallen@dslextreme.com
"SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"
Never mess with your profile while in a drunken stupor!!!
Brushasaurus on Chat Posts: 8831 | From: La Mirada, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Wayne... #7! We call them "striped whistlers"!
It's the farmer in the striped coveralls that comes in... hears the price... hooks both thumbs under the top straps of their coveralls.. pushes them out & goes... sweeeeeeeeeewwwwww while shaking his head. hahahah
Striped Whistler!!!!
-------------------- Michael R. Bendel Bendel Sign Co,. Inc. Sauk Rapids, MN Posts: 913 | From: Sauk Rapids, MN | Registered: Jul 2005
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While standing next to my truck, which clearly states what I do, I've heard these: "Did you do your truck?" "Who does these?" (while pointing at the pinstriping) "Who did your truck?" "You do signs?" "You do that yourself?"
-------------------- Dana Blair Blair Signs Wooster, OH www.blairsigns.com
If sign makers go on strike, is there anything written on their picket signs? Posts: 835 | From: Wooster, OH, USA | Registered: Jul 1999
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well ive got 30 trucks waiting on you to letter but for today we gonna do this one, and Ill call you back
-------------------- You ever notice how easily accessible people are when they are requiring your services but once they get invoice you can't reach them anymore
posted
As a friend watched me work one day - in a hushed omnious tone "Don't EVER let any one see how EASY this is" Several racers 24 hours or less before the first sessions of the San Jose Grand Prix tomorrow: " I just need one - well better make it four ...I'll pay you" Reply " Yes ... yes you will" ha ha love people - gotta go bargin coffee with the grocery store now and pop over to Exxon to cut a trade deal for some gas
-------------------- Rob Klyver Skeezix Stickers & Signs 2117 Hadden Road Walnut Creek Ca 94596 Posts: 12 | From: Walnut Creek, California | Registered: Jun 2006
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"It must be nice to not have to work for a livin'."
"We would rather have you guys do the job."
"We would like you to do all the stores we have in the world, if you could come down a little on your price."
I like it when they call me "Easy Money."
"Would it cost a lot more to add an extra color?"
"The other sign painter came up with this design before he went out of business. I was thinking it might cost less since I already had his design."
And numeral uno ...
"I want something really cheap that lasts a long time."
Back when I traveled to letter trucks, I got the story about the alcholic painter from the old timers and the dope smoking painter from the younger crowd. I always thought that was interesting that the different generations had a different take on what calms a person's nerves. Of course if you were in between generations you were expected to do both.
-------------------- Bill Diaz Diaz Sign Art Pontiac IL www.diazsignart.com Posts: 2107 | From: Pontiac, IL | Registered: Dec 2001
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-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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"I really like your work, but..." ...followed by 450 reasons why they can't afford to pay you what it's worth.
Customer: "How much to sponsor my race car lettering?" HUH???????????????
Customer: "Give me a deal on this and I can get you a lot more work and you can bill the NEXT guy more." Me: Have you seen my work before? Customer : "Yes." Me: I already did that deal. Congratulations. You're NEXT!"
Customer: "How much how much will you knock off the price of lettering my race car if I let you put your name on it somehwere?" Me: Not a dime, but it costs an extra 50 bucks to have me NOT sign my work.
Customer: "I'm hiring you 'cause I wanna win the car show!" Me: No problem. That'll be 1.5 million dollars. I'll buy the track, schedule the car show without telling anyone and when you're the only guy who shows up, you can have ALL the trophies!
I have finally found the answwer to the age old question.... Customer: "How much for a sign?" Me: A million bucks, but if I come in under budget, I'll give ya a rebate.
"Did you do the graphic work on your truck." Me: I hired a guy...he's self employed. Here's my card." Then they see the same logo on both the card and truck. If they still ask, I take the card back.
Rapid
-------------------- Ray Rheaume Rapidfire Design 543 Brushwood Road North Haverhill, NH 03774 rapidfiredesign@hotmail.com 603-787-6803
I like my paint shaken, not stirred. Posts: 5648 | From: North Haverhill, New Hampshire | Registered: Apr 2003
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"We've decided to wait till we have more money, but thanks for scheduling an appointment. Sorry we have to cancel but we'll get back to you."
Had that call three weeks ago. Just drove past their place....their new "sign" looks like hell! hahahahaha Guess they like the Papyrus font....yeah that looks real "victorian", lady. (she said she wanted a period-style sign) I think I'll call and schedule a new cut, color, perm, manicure, and bikini wax....then call and cancel 15 minutes after the appointment time like she did! love....Jill
Posts: 8834 | From: Butler, PA, USA | Registered: Jan 2001
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I need a sign for this show in the park, and I need your name on the bottom half of it. Oh yeah...? Yeah, we need it in three weeks time, and we'd like your name to be on the bottom half of it. Oh...yeah..., well do you know what sort of size you need it to be, roughly? Well we want it to say ".......", and have your stuff on the bottom. Let's just forget about my stuff, how big were you thinking it needed to be? Well we wanted your name and stuff on it. Why's that? (you could see this coming, from way back in the first sentence) Well we don't want to pay you, we just want your name on it instead. Let's see, how big were you hoping for, and what kind of material were you thinking of- corro maybe or a banner? (or butcher's paper I wondered?) Well as big as you'll do it for us for having your name on the bottom. Well I don't really want my name on the bottom like that. Why, we want you to be able to get more work from it to pay for doing the sign for us as we are a small group which doesn't have any money yet. Well, if my name is on the whole bottom half, and all those words are on the top, people will miss your message altogether, and my name will take up important space needed by your message. Just make it all bigger then. And secondly, having my name on that kind of sign doesn't bring extra work in. I thought people would see your name and give you work. Nooooo.....they see my name and think to themselves "there's someone who's obviously content to make a sign for no charge, let's ask him for a free one for us too...", so all I get from that is more people who want me to spend my time and my money on materials for no reimbursement of either, and I have no money then. Oh. I thought you could do that for us... Well, here's my email address. When you work out what size and what material you were thinking of, send me an email, as well as the exact wording your committee were considering, and I'll have a look and see if I have a piece of something in that size... and we can see what happens then...hint hint...go away please...if I'm lucky you won't reconvene till after the day you needed it.
(That was verbatim from a conversation three days ago)
-------------------- "Stewey" on chat
"...there are no limits when you aim for perfection..." Jonathan Livingston Seagull Posts: 7014 | From: Highgrove via Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia | Registered: Dec 2002
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