Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are....... Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, NASCAR, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. ROUND IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
[ March 28, 2006, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: Si Allen ]
-------------------- Si Allen #562 La Mirada, CA. USA
(714) 521-4810
si.allen on Skype
siallen@dslextreme.com
"SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"
Never mess with your profile while in a drunken stupor!!!
Brushasaurus on Chat Posts: 8831 | From: La Mirada, CA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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"SATURDAY MORNING I GOT UP EARLY, PUT ON MY LONG JOHNS, DRESSED QUIETLY, MADE MY LUNCH, GRABBED THE DOG, SLIPPED QUIETLY INTO THE GARAGE TO HOOK UP THE BOAT TO THE TRUCK, AND PROCEEDED TO BACK OUT INTO A TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR. THERE WAS SNOW MIXED WITH THE RAIN AND THE WIND WAS BLOWING 40 MPH.....
I PULLED BACK INTO THE GARAGE, TURNED ON THE RADIO, AND DISCOVERED THAT THE WEATHER WOULD BE BAD THROUGHOUT THE DAY.
I WENT BACK INTO THE HOUSE, QUIETLY UNDRESSED, AND SLIPPED BACK INTO BED. THERE I CUDDLED UP TO MY WIFE'S BACK, NOW WITH A DIFFERENT ANTICIPATION, AND WHISPERED "THE WEATHER OUT THERE IS TERRIBLE."
SHE VERY SLEEPILY REPLIED, "AND CAN YOU BELIEVE MY STUPID HUSBAND IS OUT FISHING IN THAT MESS!!!!!"..............................
[ March 28, 2006, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: Ellen Day ]
-------------------- Ellen Day Cutting GoldRushSigns Posts: 77 | From: Florissant, CO | Registered: Jan 2005
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A man staggers into an emergency room with concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. "Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a field of cows." We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. "That's when I made my big mistake" "What did you do?" asks the doctor. "Well, I lifted the cow's tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'" I don't remember much after that.
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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""Good judgment comes from experience; and a lot of that comes from bad judgment" - Will Rogers Posts: 3487 | From: Beautiful Newaygo, Michigan | Registered: Mar 2003
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