1.Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
2.Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
3.Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4.Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5.Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
6.Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7.Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
8.Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9.Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
10.If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
11.Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
12.Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
13.Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
14.Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
15.Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
16.How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
17.When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
18.Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
19.In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
20.How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
21.And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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1.Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Someone needs to teach those weak batteries a lesson!
2.Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Because people keep paying it
3.Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Counting stars can't really scew someone over, but messing up a perfectly good paint job however....!!
4.Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Because most fourth graders would starve to death otherwise.
5.Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Someone needs to protect those brave needles
6.Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Jane complained about it tickling her thighs
7.Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Duh, everyone knows steel is much harder than lead.
8.Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? To keep their hair in place
9.Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? Lisa Lister from Lisbon. 10.If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Gotta have somebody to take home when you're drunk at 3:00 am.
11.Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? The KKK invented bubbles 12.Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? No, but the activity that takes place on them is always very costly.
13.Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Because that little dude who turns the light on and off is a pretty good cook. 14.Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Because their vacuum just kinda sucks. 15.Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? Built in safety features to make sure you really want to open that bag. 16.How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? That's bug heaven. You know, " Go into the light"
17.When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?" Obviously you've never been to the grocery store with me.
18.Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? The universal principle of when something is caught, something else must fall to balance the pressure. Didn't you pay attention in science class? 19.In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? We don't want the refrigerator to be unemployed 20.How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? You've obviously not heard me talk about my Father-in-law
21.And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. I don't suffer from mental illness--- I enjoy every minute of it.
What else do you need to know?
-------------------- David Cooper, The Sign Shack Enid, OK. Posts: 658 | From: Enid,Oklahoma, USA | Registered: Dec 1998
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posted
and i see your posting ray....sooooooo not busy huh oR you just dont like HUMOR? but your here soooooooo............
[ January 20, 2006, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: old paint ]
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
COOP HAS ALL THE RIGHT ANSWERS....hehehehehehehe
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Why do two guys in a van lead a guy on a motorcycle all over Birmingham looking for Shoney's and they are on two blocks from it to begin with? OP, you need a life.
-------------------- Frisby Signs, Inc. El Dorado, Arkansas Posts: 902 | From: El Dorado, Arkansas, USA | Registered: Apr 1999
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posted
hahahahaahahahaha roy....youre never gona forgive me are ya? hehehehehehehe
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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