During the past few years, Mike (hubby) and I have had many difficulties in our marriage. Alot of it stemmed from illnesses on his behalf and his lack of coping methods.
It came to light about a week ago that Mike decided it was time. I was unprepared for the announcement as I thought his health was hugely improved, he finally landed a wonderful job he loves, I started decorating again because I felt great... you get the picture.
We are in the middle of a separation. I knew it would happen sooner or later but I was abit unprepared for the sooner. I am desperately trying to save the farm if I can via an investor or ? If I can't, at least I tried.
My goal is to stay within the same area we live. Cody's school absolutely is tops and I love the quiet natural surroundings.
No matter where we end up, we will be ok. I just felt it was time to get use to saying it rather than dreading it. And so you hear it from me first.
Thanks for your support in just being here. It keeps me highly entertained which really helps right now.
posted
Donna, all I can offer is prayer and unsolicited advice. I'll stick with prayer on both your's, Cody's, and Mike's behalf.
I have been through a divorce of my own and can only imagine what is going through your mind right now. Be strong for your son.
Hey, Dana and I are here for you. Feel free to call.
-------------------- Bruce Bowers
DrCAS Custom Lettering and Design Saint Cloud, Minnesota
"Things work out best for the people who make the best of the way things work out." - Art Linkletter Posts: 6451 | From: Saint Cloud, Minnesota | Registered: Jun 1999
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-------------------- Phil Steffen, 29 Van Rensselaer St City of Saratoga Springs DPW Saratoga Springs NY 12866 Posts: 563 | From: beautiful Saratoga Springs NY | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Sorry to hear of the news Donna! Those things are always tough!
If you need a break, come on out to the ranch... that'll distract you and Cody for sure!
-grampa dan
-------------------- Dan Sawatzky Imagination Corporation Yarrow, British Columbia dan@imaginationcorporation.com http://www.imaginationcorporation.com
Being a grampa is one of the the most wonderful things in the world!!! Posts: 8738 | From: Yarrow, B.C. Canada | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Bless your heart lady. The guys a loser in a big way just based on looks alone. (Always thought your were a very beautiful lady, and I mean that respectfully.)
So sorry for where you are, and our hopes are definitely with you.
Just know that, for what it's worth I know there is a whole crew of folks here pulling for you!
posted
You are a talented and classy lady, and a great mother to boot. Look at this change in your life as an oppertunity to re-focus your direction, both personnal and career/business wise. Feel free to lean on us, Letterville is a wonderfull community. Take Dan up on his offer, he'll definitely keep you distracted from your problems...
A good friend of mine, a big burley roofer type, once said "I quit drugs. I quit drinking. I quit smoking. Then I discovered why I started all those things to begin with, so I quit being married. My only regret is the order I choose to quit things in."
-------------------- "Are we having fun yet?" Peter Schuttinga DZines Sign Studio 1617 Millstream rd Victoria BC V9B-6G4 Posts: 521 | From: Victoria BC | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Well good luck, just keep positive and try to get through being depressed it is the worst part. Just an idea maybe if you have some of your farm paid off instead of selling to split your assets have it apraised and maybe keep your husbands half instead of him paying child support right away. One other thing in this day and age more and more people are getting divorced it will be best for both of you and your child if you get past the blaming and fighting and be friends. People mirror behaviour even without trying if he is in a bad mood it causes you to be in a bad mood and that is what gets reflected back try not to be a mirror and you will see that it will prevent a lot of bad fights. Anyways that's my 2 cents worth of advise.
-------------------- Steve Eisenreich Dezine Signs PO BOX 6052 Stn Forces Cold Lake, Alberta T9M 2C5 Posts: 774 | From: Cold Lake | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I don't know what to say....lean on family and friends for sure. Don't be afraid to unburden your heart here. Laurie and I are here for you too. Bless you and Cody, I want to meet that boy some day.
It's also helpful to weigh the good and the bad...the good things can outweigh them by far:
No more physical contact . . .VS . . .no more physical contact
No more holding hands . . .VS . . .no more 'hand to hand'
No more yelling, screaming, complaining, griping, nagging, accusing, . . .VS
. . .serenity
PS: Be sure to exploit the 'single working mother' thing ...lots of fringes & help available. . .we ain't sqeezed all the juice out of that orange yet! (lol)
LOL . . I'm just kiddin' about all this. . . . .
kind'a . . . .
But I hope I made you laugh . . .
In all actuality, who nows, after a while of this separation time, while both of you re-assess life(small word covering huge dynamics) you might discover that your two people better together than two people apart. . .
posted
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said above, Donna...but I did want to lend my support, for whatever it is worth.
-------------------- Jon Aston MARKETING PARTNERS "Strategy, Marketing and Business Development" Tel 705-719-9209 Posts: 1724 | From: Barrie, ON, CANADA | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Having been through two divorces involving three small children, I can tell you that it is imperative to make yourself happy, and take care of your child. Peace of mind is priceless, even if it comes by ending a struggling relationship. Try not to bad-talk your hubby to Cody. Try to remain positive. At least you have a ton of people here who care about you. Good Luck in your endeavors, Donna. Love....Jill
-------------------- That is like a Mr. Potato Head with all the pieces in the wrong place. -Russ McMullin Posts: 8834 | From: Butler, PA, USA | Registered: Jan 2001
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We, like several others, have been through a divorce. It isn't easy and especially so for a child. But we got through it and I know you will.
If you need someone to talk to just call, or if you want e-mail. Shirl and I are more than willing to return your call and hopefully offer any advice or comfort we can.
Keep your head up Donna, life DOES go on.
-------------------- Dave Grundy retired in Chelem,Yucatan,Mexico/Hensall,Ontario,Canada 1-519-262-3651 Canada 011-52-1-999-102-2923 Mexico cell 1-226-785-8957 Canada/Mexico home
posted
Donna, Sorry to hear this news,Donna. Keep your head up..we'll be here for you. Judy
-------------------- Judy Pate Signs By Judy Albany, Georgia USA 229-435-6824
Live simply...Love generously...Care deeply...Speak kindly...Leave the rest to God. Posts: 2621 | From: Albany,GA,USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Donna, You started your post with a sad face & ended with a smile! I sense that while blindsided a little, regarding the timing,... you seem to have known this day was coming. I hear you worried about saving the farm & keeping that lifestyle & familiarity for cody & yourself.
Since I don't hear you asking for advice, I will not offer any. I have also been through a divorce with a young child as so many others have, & when you need it... there will be plenty of valuable lessons you can benefit from through those who may have shared similar experiences.
I sense that you are already pretty strong in your self right now, & not halfway as fragile as many men or women might be when something like this is a complete surprise, or if a person doesn't have a career to remain constant in their lives.
Thanks for getting it out in the open so you are that much more resolved in your own acceptance now that all those "many more doors will open"
posted
Ditto to what most everyone else said. If you do end up leaving the area move down here and we'll start the Mommy Sign Co. or something together.
Hang in there and call or email whenever!
-------------------- Amy Brown Life Skills 101 Private Address Posts: 3502 | From: Lake Helen, FL, USA | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
I'll never understand a man or woman wanting out of a marriage that could be salvaged, particularly when there's a child involved. Sadly, it sounds like Mike has decided for all three of you that it can't. I've been through that and it feels so unfair and helpless, it SUCKS. It took me four years to realize the problems were so deep that perhaps my marriage would have ultimately failed anyway, but I sure would have appreciated having a chance to try, and a voice in the final decision. It's a sad way to go.
SONGPAINTER Original Sign Music by Sign People NOW AVAILABLE on CD and the proceeds go to Letterville's favorite charity! Click Here for Sound Clips! Posts: 1974 | From: Orleans, MA, Cape Cod, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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BTW, I invite any advice. Generally one doesn't even need to ask for it to get it here, so fire away! Learning is a good thing. I'm pretty open minded.
I'm not looking to save the marriage btw. We are going to move on. We've been down this direction many times over the years through councelling etc. When one continues to be unhappy regardless, it really puts a dent in the whole family unit thing. I know in my heart it needs to go this way but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Give your spouses and kids an extra hug tonite, just because. Thanks again for the kind words of support.
posted
well, on the advice topic, I would encourage Mike to continue to be involved in Cody's life for Cody's sake. I don't know what either of you have in mind for that, but it would be best for the boy IMO.
I was doing joint custody for over 10 years. It's not always easy, but now I no longer have to deal with my ex, & I will admit it was difficult having to deal with her (& the feeling was mutual to say the least) but my relationship with my daughter is excellent & I think she has benefitted from having me in her life in addition to her mom, who was an excellent mom.
The quality of that connection with my child today (at 25) was well worth the trouble in having to deal with her mom over the years.
Regardless of weather that is what Mike wants today, or your feelings about that, I would just say to keep that door open even if he doesn't want to be involved right now. And to say again what was said above, even though it's obvious, about keeping the more tense parts of this transition as far from Cody's sight as possible.
If I could change one thing about my first marriage, it would be to have gone our seperate ways sooner, so that the erosion of any remaining potential for civil friendship had not been permanently spoiled as it was. This fact was what made the joint custody so much more difficult to arrange & implement.
posted
Donna, It is always sad when any relationship ends. But there is no sense going through this wonderfu world unhappy. You are a very positive person. With your great attitude, you will make things work for you and Cody. I wish you every happiness that I know will come to you soon. I'm here anytime... All the best.
-------------------- Susan Banasky Source Signs Nanaimo, British Columbia sourcesigns@shaw.ca
When in need....go directly to the "Source"!
Proud Supporter of this "Knowledge Network"! Posts: 1323 | From: Nanaimo, B.C. Canada | Registered: Oct 1999
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posted
I big time agree Doug. I've been reading divorce advice (oh so fun) and it suggested to actually enforce visitations even if the spouse needs to be 'reminded'. It's so important for the child to have a relationship with both parents, unless it's an unsafe situation of course.
posted
I'm so sorry to hear this Donna. Having been through a few of these myself, I can't ad much to what has been said already. Jill's comments pretty well echo how I feel. IT WILL get better
In the meantime, my only advice is get a GOOD lawyer, lookout for yourself and Cody and whatever you do, trust ONLY in yourself! I know that sounds harsh, maybe cruel, but divorce can get really nasty without a moments notice. Loved ones have a way of really suprising you. Expect the worse out of your spouse and prepare for it. Take it from somebody who got bit cause they trusted somebody.
-------------------- George Perkins Millington,TN. goatwell@bigriver.net
"I started out with nothing and still have most of it left"
posted
My wife and I are thankfully happily married, still newlyweds at the end of our twelfth year together, so I don't have personal experience with what you are dealing with, but I have a lot of second hand experience, and I have worked with and observed a lot of kiddos in the situation yours will shortly be in, and there are two main emotions that most often surface; GUILT, ANGER or both.
Both are nasty, so watch out for them. I have seen children, (my wife was one of these) come from a divorce scenario and grow up, thinking it rational to believe that they are somehow to blame, and could've, should've fixed things for mom and dad. That's crazy, but my wife struggled with that till she was nearly thirty.
One of my boys has a little girl that bothers him a lot at school. She doesn't like anybody, or so it seems. She's the product of a particularly nasty divorce. I know both parents. Dad's a tough guy state patrolman, and mom(I went to school with her) is a snippy, self-absorbed female dog. Daughter, beautiful girl BTW, is left a lot to fend for herself emotionally.
She takes her anger at mom and dad out on any and everybody else. I know for a fact that this is giving her a lot of trouble at school, not just with my boy, either.
Good luck, I hope you guys can each keep the kids in perspective. I Know a lot of times us guys especially are bad to make the children into either pawns to be used vindictively, or into nuisances to be given only cursory attention. Hope that doesn't happen here.
posted
I raised my daughter from adolescence. And besides having to learn a lot of stuff that I never really wanted to know much about, a big challenge for me was not feeding into the resentment & confusion that she felt regarding her mom.
I tried to be honest, but positive, and I made sure that she kept some semblance of contact, even though she hasn't seen her mother in about four years.
It's been a tad awkward at times (picture one dopey looking dad in a room full of moms at cheerleader booster meetings ) as well as taking her to her first "girl doctor" appointments and such. But we got through it ok.
Hillary is in college now. And she's a respected youth leader in Venturing (a coed, Scouting program).
Despite all of the ups and downs, I wouldn't trade places with my ex for all the world.
Didn't mean to bore you with my own story, just wanted to show that things have a way of working out for the best. Especially if you tend to lean towards the positive, which you seem to do naturally.
Lean on your friends a bit. That's what they're for.
You and your boy will do ok. Best of luck.
-------------------- Steve Purcell Purcell Woodcarving & Signmaking Cape Cod, MA
************************** Intelligent Design Is No Accident Posts: 900 | From: Cape Cod, MA | Registered: Oct 1999
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posted
donna, look at some books by JOHN BRADSHAW...lot about right/wrong relationships, pain from bein in bad relationship, pain of gettin out of one. joy of finding out who and what you really need... i been 3 times removed....and have been with hennie 22 years....so i wasnt as bad as the other 3 made me out to be.....hehehehehe but ive learned a lot of whys....thats the most eating question....in seperations.....dont dwell there.
[ March 10, 2005, 02:00 AM: Message edited by: old paint ]
-------------------- joe pribish-A SIGN MINT 2811 longleaf Dr. pensacola, fl 32526 850-637-1519 BEWARE THE TRUTH.....YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU FIND Posts: 11582 | From: pensacola, fl. usa | Registered: Nov 1998
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posted
Donna, it's what you call 'a tough time in life' sorry to hear about that. Later on you will mark it down as a chapter in your life. No it's not easy, but you seem like a strong woman. As you know only the strong survive!
-------------------- aka:Cisco the "Traveling Millennium Sign Artist" http://www.franciscovargas.com Fresno, CA 93703 559 252-0935 "to live life, is to love life, a sign of no life, is a sign of no love"...Cisco 12'98 Posts: 3576 | From: Fresno, Ca, the great USA | Registered: Dec 1998
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posted
I can't offer any advice, but I can assure you there is a lot of love and understanding here for you. Thanks for sharing a tough time in your life: hopefully, we can help make it better.
-------------------- www.signcreations.net Sonny Franks Lilburn, GA 770-923-9933 Posts: 4115 | From: Lilburn, GA USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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posted
I've knwon you for years here Donna. You are one of my special friends, even if we have never yet met in "real-life". Or have we? Maybe you were the check-out girl in the Mission supermarket when I lived in Abbortsford back in '75?
Like OP I'mm third time lucky. Sue and I have been together 14 years. First marriage split up after we decided we were too young not to go our own ways. Cheryl is still a very good friend and actually came an stayed here with us in Australia last year! Balancing spouse and ex-spouse was sotta a new experience to say the least. But all turned out kewl.
2nd marriage and the resulting son that I love dearly broke up after 5 years when I found she was looking for greener pastures. Ever check the discard letters in the trash can?
Anyway it was messy. Left me cold with 1/2 of what I owned, including documentation of all my company's transactions while we were together, plus a credit card bill you wouldn't believe and a 4 year old son. Raised him until 8 with $50 a week alimony from her. Then she remarries and wants him back! Mother rules!!!! Lawyer said after $5000 worth of fight,you going to win but how much can you afford?
Now he's 21 next month. Super nice kid. Love of my life when he phones every Sunday. He's in the Army and loving it. She's not to bad now either. Time has mellowed out the anger. Going to be interesting at his 21st Birthday Party soon!
Life goes on Donna. I know you will find somebody else to fill the gap. Don't rush. Settle down and work things out. It is possible to be a single-parent and survive and enjoy life!
Corey is yours! Hang onto him. Kid's need at least one "whole" parent in life. Not two halves!!!
Property-wise ... split it down the middle as easy as possible. Courts are money and time consuming. Hang on to the farm if you can, cause that will give you and Corey stability.
Ditto to what most of these other folks have said. I admire you for having the courage, and the faith in your friends here, to share. When my second marriage failed recently(and I've determined it didn't really fail, rather, I failed it), I got through it with the help of the "Three F's", Family, Friends and Faith. I had to come to grips not only with two attempts at a conventional marriage going south, but also with my own relationship preferences. I'm still in learning mode (but then, aren't we all?), but I'm healthier now than I've ever been.
I can tell you first hand, that talking it out, and not keeping any demons locked up in your heart or soul is like getting that first breath of air when you've been underwater too long. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
posted
Well Donna, I'm really sorry to hear that this Morning, I Have 3 sisters that went through a divorce, with children, and it all came out just fine. Hang in there, things will get better and easier over time.
-------------------- "Keep Positive"
SIGNS1st. Neil Butler Paradise, NF Posts: 6277 | From: St. John's NF Canada | Registered: Mar 1999
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posted
sorry to hear of your situation...i'm sure its very difficult to go through and having to possibly move. you are a great mom from what i can see and that's a giant plus for cody. there's bigger and better things ahead for you! the universe will take you where you're suppose to go. take care of yourself...try to eat healthy and get plenty of sleep...and if you can get a prescription for adivan do it....it takes the edge off when you feel overwhelmed...but hey i'm a prescription drug queen so only do what feels right for you. fine chocolate sometimes can have the same effect btw.
[ March 10, 2005, 07:49 AM: Message edited by: KARYN BUSH ]
-------------------- Karyn Bush Simply Not Ordinary, LLC Bartlett, NH 603-383-9955 www.snosigns.com info@snosigns.com Posts: 3516 | From: Bartlett, NH USA | Registered: Jan 2001
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) as well as taking her to her first "girl doctor" appointments and such. But we got through it ok. 
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