1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough anymore.
7. Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are:
(You need only two tools: WD-40 and a roll of duct tape.)
- If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. - If it moves and it shouldn't, use the roll of duct tape.
8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. If you woke up breathing today, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
"Thought for the day" Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind.
Someone emailed me this and it instantly reminded me of YOU! Love....Jill
Posts: 8834 | From: Butler, PA, USA | Registered: Jan 2001
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......I could have been sighing with exasperation too ya know! That's my "standard" Si greeting. Love....Jill
-------------------- That is like a Mr. Potato Head with all the pieces in the wrong place. -Russ McMullin Posts: 8834 | From: Butler, PA, USA | Registered: Jan 2001
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Stevo, what... do live in an arena or something?
Hahahahahahahahaha!
-------------------- Bruce Bowers
DrCAS Custom Lettering and Design Saint Cloud, Minnesota
"Things work out best for the people who make the best of the way things work out." - Art Linkletter Posts: 6451 | From: Saint Cloud, Minnesota | Registered: Jun 1999
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But faye, you can't rinse the back porch off when you are done...
-------------------- Bruce Bowers
DrCAS Custom Lettering and Design Saint Cloud, Minnesota
"Things work out best for the people who make the best of the way things work out." - Art Linkletter Posts: 6451 | From: Saint Cloud, Minnesota | Registered: Jun 1999
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And then there is your good health to look after.......
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least an hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR ....
You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.
Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So......
I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can't get you!!!!
-------------------- Drane Signs Sunshine Coast Nambour, Qld. dranesigns@bigpond.com Downunder "To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer" Posts: 965 | From: Nambour, Qld. Australia | Registered: Nov 1998
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Makes about as much sense as the govt' paying for a death-row inmates kidney transplant so he'd be alive a year and half later to execute....go figure. (that operation is at least $125,000)
-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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That's so the pimple faced teenager can lock the doors while him and his high school buddies can be pounding down some brewskis in the back room while the sign on the door says he's taking a dump or something.
-------------------- Bruce Bowers
DrCAS Custom Lettering and Design Saint Cloud, Minnesota
"Things work out best for the people who make the best of the way things work out." - Art Linkletter Posts: 6451 | From: Saint Cloud, Minnesota | Registered: Jun 1999
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