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I think #2 below works at my grocery store! You Can't Fix Stupid! > > ONE: Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
TWO: The paragraph above doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was checking out at the local grocery store with just a few items. The lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine, picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE: MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!! A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR: I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Doyou need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE: Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX: I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in in the movie Twister. I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN : IDIOTS & COMPUTERS... My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT: Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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That was me Sheila, with the funny hat on. I,m glad it wasn't raining.
CrazyJack
-------------------- Jack Wills Studio Design Works 1465 E.Hidalgo Circle Nye Beach / Newport, OR Posts: 2914 | From: Rocklin, CA. USA | Registered: Dec 1998
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That reminds me of the teen who robbed a liquor store and fled into a thickly wooded area behind the store. The police thought that he had gotten away until they spotted the lights on the back of his sneakers as he sprinted from tree to tree.
[ June 24, 2004, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: Terry Baird ]
-------------------- Terry Baird Baird Signs 3484 West Lake Rd. Canandaigua, NY 14424 Posts: 790 | From: Canandaigua, New York | Registered: Dec 2002
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LOL jack . . . . here's one I heard on Paul Harvey...
A guy goes to break into the office of a large plant to rob a safe, but there are alarm systems in place.
He has the bright idea of getting in thru an AC duct, but he does'nt fit too well, so he strips butt-naked and oils himself down with motor oil and slides right thru and drops to his feet on the floor.
They find him the next morning in the vending machine area which is enclosed with chain-link fence to the ceiling and the gate's pad-locked.
-------------------- Signs Sweet Home Alabama
oneshot on chat
"Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a dog" Posts: 5758 | From: "Sweet Home" Alabama | Registered: Mar 2003
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Just a few weeks ago, my wife was at the grocery store shopping for lunch meat. She asked the associate for a “Quarter Pound” of ham.
The associate looked at her and asked “How Much is a Quarter Pound”?
My wife’s response was, “It’s Half of a Half of Pound. Still looking puzzled, my wife finally said, “Just cut a few slices and I’ll tell you when to stop”.
-------------------- Barry Jenicek Signs by Unique St. Louis, MO Posts: 34 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: Sep 2001
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You made me think of the time I worked for a joint City/County Data Operations Center in Colorado. I worked nights as the computer operator. I would print out all the daily reports, separate them, and distribute them on the desks of appropriate staff throughout the City & County offices. Early one morning I got a call from a secretary stating she could not read the computer printout. It was all "backwards". I quickly went over to her office, thinking "oh my Lord - are all my reports wrong?". It WAS my error! I had put her report on her desk upside down! I turned it over for her so she could read it. TRUE STORY! Bomba-Dear
-------------------- Bomba-Dear Jackie Vaughn #5115 Volcano, California www.chocoholic.com Posts: 761 | From: Volcano, California, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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There were two blonde guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing, so he asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again." The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field in the distance. Amazed, he asks, "What the hell are those?!" The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
-------------------- "When Love and Skill Work Together ... Expect a Masterpiece"
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Another true story; 1953, Phoenix, Az. as reported in the Arizona Republic newspaper.
A lady in a new 1953 Chevrolet BelAir w/powerglide transmission , found herself stranded, when her battery failed on a busy down-town street. As it wouldnt start, and she was blocking traffic creating a atmosphere of haste, she accepted an offer from another motorist to push her car w/his, fast enough to start it. She informeds this young man, that to start it had to be doing 35 mph, ok, and off he went. As she watched him drive off, wondering what has happened to make him leave, she spots him in her rear-veiw mirror, headed straight for her, she prepared for crash and after wards when she got out of her car to inspect damage done by his hitting her in rear, his first remark was; "Did it start?" He had brought his car up to 35mph before he hit her, as she had told him that is only way it would start. And yes Joey, he probably votes.
-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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The first one made me think of one of my favorite games. I played again this morning.
I stop at McD's to get a biscuit and Coke. The total comes to $3.12. I hand the girl a $5. After she rings it up I say, "Oh yeah, I have 12 cents", and hand that to her. Again this morning she had to ask the manager to clear the entry on the register, so she could reenter, to know how much change to give.
-------------------- Don Hulsey Strokes by DON signs Utica, KY 270-275-9552 sbdsigns@aol.com
I've always been crazy... but it's kept me from going insane. Posts: 2274 | From: Utica, KY U.S.A. | Registered: Jan 1999
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This is making me think of customers who don't know feet from inches. It's nice to have their signature on a proof (or their own drawing) when the get their 1" x 3" sign just like they ordered.
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