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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer: Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
-------------------- Jane Diaz Diaz Sign Art 628 W. Lincoln Ave. Pontiac, Il. 61764 815-844-7024 www.diazsignart.com Posts: 4102 | From: Pontiac, IL USA | Registered: Feb 1999
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LOL Jane, Never heard that one!! Here's another one to bring chuckles to yer weekend . . .
A state trooper pulls a man over for speeding. As the trooper completes all the necessary paperwork and hands the man his speeding ticket, the man, grumbling and feeling put-out said, "Aaaw, yer just makin' your quota . . ." The state trooper smiled and said, "No sir, they took the quota away. Now we can write as many tickets as we want to . . ."
-------------------- Signs Sweet Home Alabama
oneshot on chat
"Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a dog" Posts: 5758 | From: "Sweet Home" Alabama | Registered: Mar 2003
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man driving down the road when a trooper behind him turn on the blue lights man speeds up and the officer turns on the siren finally gets the man stopped ask the man didn't you see the blue lights? man say's yes. officer ask why he didn't stop. man says his wife ran off with a trooper last week and he was affraid he was bringing her back.
-------------------- Jimmy Chatham Chatham Signs 468 stark st Commerce, Ga 30529 Posts: 1766 | From: Commerce, GA, USA | Registered: Nov 1998
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Drunk gets pulled over and is outside of car w/trooper just starting tests, when almost next to them, at a 5-way stop, a huge car accident!! The trooper immediately rushed to near-by scene to render aid and deal w/traffic. The drunk got behind wheel of car and left and went home, upon arriving, he insisted to wife, no matter what happened, he's been home all night. When troopers knocked on door and asked to see her husband, she informed them, he was still asleep, as he had been all night, with her, at home. The troopers then asked her, before you say anymore, would you open your garage door? She did and sitting there, w/overhead lights still working, was sitting the troopers car!!!!
(this one is true, not joke)
-------------------- Frank Magoo, Magoo's-Las Vegas; fmagoo@netzero.com "the only easy day was yesterday" Posts: 2365 | From: Las Vegas, Nv. | Registered: Jun 2003
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A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your Pine Tree(tm) Air Freshener!"
-------------------- Brian Hinkle Hincor/Sign Blue Book Mesa, Arizona Posts: 13 | From: Mesa, Arizona | Registered: Jun 2003
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Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Alabama, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says,"Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger askes, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say: 'I wish that jerk would've tried that stuff with me!'"
-------------------- Brian Hinkle Hincor/Sign Blue Book Mesa, Arizona Posts: 13 | From: Mesa, Arizona | Registered: Jun 2003
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Here's a true one about a lady was late to a speaking engagement. She is pulled over and she quickly fastens her seatbelt as the officer approaches her car. He says "Howdy ma'am, I see you're aware of our seatbelt law." and she says confidently, "Yes sir, I am!" " And do you always drive with your seatbelt buckled through the steering wheel?"
-------------------- James Donahue Donahue Sign Arts 1851 E. Union Valley Rd. Seymour TN. (865) 577-3365 brushman@nxs.net
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what's for lunch, Benjamin Franklin Posts: 2057 | From: 1033 W. Union Valley Rd. | Registered: Feb 2003
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Here's a true one about a lady was late to a speaking engagement. She is pulled over and she quickly fastens her seatbelt as the officer approaches her car. He says "Howdy ma'am, I see you're aware of our seatbelt law." and she says confidently, "Yes sir, I am!" " And do you always drive with your seatbelt buckled through the steering wheel?"
-------------------- James Donahue Donahue Sign Arts 1851 E. Union Valley Rd. Seymour TN. (865) 577-3365 brushman@nxs.net
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what's for lunch, Benjamin Franklin Posts: 2057 | From: 1033 W. Union Valley Rd. | Registered: Feb 2003
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Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen. The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and asked, "Uhh, over 55?" "93mph son! 93mph in a 55 zone!" "But if you already knew, officer" replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good look at Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!" Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!" The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob. "What you say, BOY?" asked the patrolman. "I'm a rectum stretcher!" Of course the cop asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?" Bob explained, "People call me up and say they want to be stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull them farther and farther apart until it's six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"
Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar detector and stick it at the end of a bridge!"
-------------------- Mike Duncan(from the left coast) Astoria, Oregon Posts: 367 | From: Astoria, Oregon 97103 | Registered: Nov 1998
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