It saddens me to bring this news to letterville, especially in the holiday season, although I have friends here in letterville that would probably like to know, just not having the time to write letters or cards, individually. So, thanks for letting me consolidate the following news here:
Our 15 year old son, Arthur, just now lost his father to throat cancer on Dec 21 around the midnight hour; everyone was by his bedside at the hospice in Akron, Ohio. Day and night he had attention, some sleeping by his bedside, never alone. He will be sadly missed, the journey was rough, due to the fact that he had throat cancer. The years of smoking had caught up with him, and sadly, he had just undergone his second surgery, when my son found out.
We first discovered that he had surgery in March, but, no one would reveal the situation to me in Illinois, as it was to remain private. However, later, we found out that it was a misunderstanding and someone had misdirected the news of confidentiality toward us, which was a mistake, and never intended. So, my son and I were in the dark for 9 months, not knowing as we lived in a different state. It has been extremely stressful as I was searching different places, but, felt someone would contact me, figuring it was something less serious. Then, on July 1st, my friend passing away in Col. suddenly, brought my son and I to Ohio and we stumbled upon his father at James Cancer Hospital in the same building as OSU. My friend had heard his name mentioned, and that's when I inquired about it. I brought Arthur up to see him and otherwise, we would have never known. So, by the grace of God, we were in Ohio, and Arthur and his father had a chance to bond again after a year and a half. (Arthur's father probably wasn't sure where we were after we moved back home (Illinois) after the divorce, but, we never could reach him when we called his workplace. Just a total misunderstanding).
In August we returned to Ohio in August where I drove him back and forth to the nursing home to spend everyday and night with him for 7 days. They had memorable happy times and my ex wrote many messages on paper, not being able to speak, of course. Arthur had brought a lot of pics that I had taken through the years of them together, which made the days sunny and bright for them to bond again. In October, his friends and family had a benefit for him, which was very cool. We were in Illinois then, with Arthur in school and football, but, we knew it was nice.
On Thursday, I called Arthur's aunt to make arrangements for Arthur's Christmas trip where I was going to fly him, but, the aunt said she didn't know about the plans, depending on the surgeon's report on Fri. His condition turned serious. On Mon. the prognosis gave him at least 6 months or better to live, but, Friday morning he took a turn for the worst, and then was placed in hospice for the last few days. Arthur and I were trying to reach them for two frustrating days and finally we got the info and drove straight to Akron arriving three in the morning. I know I was speeding but the highways were empty, road conditions good. I was praying that he would get to see his father one more time, and in fact, he did. His father could communicate through his eyebrow gestures and squeezing of his hands, while Arthur stayed by his bedside day and night. The hospice let us camp out there and were very gracious to the families. I even went in by his bedside to tell him everything was okay and he was so happy to see his youngest son again, as he was waiting for him.
My son is now in Akron, and I in Columbus area, as I felt the family wanted to bond. I know my prayers were answered as we were allowed to say goodbye in the right fashion. His father George, was very comfortable to the end.
I must go now, but, only wanted to share the news. It's been a very stressful year, and I haven't been keeping things up with letterville, only my son's activities and a day job at the phone company, a small amount of signs.
The satisfaction was achieved visits through visits to Ohio for my son when his father was in the hospital and nursing home and now, this time while in hospice, is a little easier to live with, than if it hadn't happened. Finances were so tight this summer, that it almost didn't happen. The good Lord made things possible, along with my family by our sides. Letterville has kept my spirits up so I could be a good mom and "former wife" to Arthur's father and keep the forgiving process going in my heart.
And I want to extend a thank you to all of you here for being a part of my life to give me the strength so that I could keep on working and giving strength and encouragement to my son through all his school year and football. It will make it easier now, since I have my family and his father's family working with me on these issues. His older brothers and sisters (that are ages 24, 26, 28, and 30) are here for him, one in Fla, one in Columbus, and my two 28 and 30 in Illinois. Now Arthur is in the Akron area, as I am staying in the Columbus area giving him time with his dad's family. To spend day and night in hospice, thanking God for more minutes for father/son bonding, every hour, was more of a God given blessing than the negative. Arthur will continue his visit with the family and then the funeral will be two days "after" Christmas, on Sat. He is bonding with his dad's family now. When we return to Illinois, my family awaits to have our Christmas together, to bond even moreso. Please be happy for the pain is no longer here, and George is in a warmer, loving place with memories of his loved ones all around. And God Bless all of you, peace be with you.. embrace your loved ones this holiday season, as it is so precious to have the gift of life and love.
Posted by Terry Whynott (Member # 1622) on :
My sincerest condolences, Deb. Take care of yourself.
Forgot to add- Arthur is blessed to have a Mom like you.
[ December 23, 2003, 11:02 AM: Message edited by: Terry Whynott ]
Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on :
so sorry to hear about your sons father. it's going to be a difficult time for him, thankfully you are there for him.
Posted by FranCisco Vargas (Member # 145) on :
Words are hard to find at times like this, my deepest condolences to you Deb, your son, and family.
Posted by pierre (Member # 1462) on :
You will be in the St.Maries' prayers, Deb. Posted by Barb. Shortreed (Member # 1730) on :
Hi Deb...please give Arthur our Condolences. Both of you will be in our thoughts & prayers.
Posted by Robert Larkham (Member # 2913) on :
Deb I have a tears in my eyes for you and your Son. Much to early for a man to pass and far much earlier for a young Man to lose his Father. I hope you can find some Joy in this Holiday season and take comfort in knowing you have friends here thinking of the two of you. Wishing you the best!!
Posted by Jane Diaz (Member # 595) on :
Our sincere condolences. It is a hard time of year to lose someone. Hang in there. Jane & Bill
Posted by Jeff Ogden (Member # 3184) on :
It sounds like you and your son did all you could at the end, so I know that must be some consolation to you. Thank you for sharing with us...some of us can relate very well to losing someone, and know that these things can hit harder than you expect, but you seem to be handling it well. Your son will appreciate all that you did. May you have extra strength during the next few days as well....
Posted by Randy Campbell (Member # 2675) on :
Our thoughts are with Arthur and yourself in these times of grief.Randy and Joy Campbell
Posted by John Deaton III (Member # 925) on :
God Bless.
Posted by Dave Grundy (Member # 103) on :
So sorry to hear of your and your son's loss Deb.
Our prayers are with you both.
Posted by Doug Allan (Member # 2247) on :
Sorry to hear such sad news in your life during the holidays. It is a silver lining that some time together was manifested for hopefully a greater sense of closure for you & your son. Prayers for the Joy of the season to emerge in it's right time. Best wishes for the New Year Deb, & for all your children.
Posted by Bruce Bowers (Member # 892) on :
Deb,
We are so sad to hear of your news. Please accept our condolences. God Bless.
Posted by Judy Pate (Member # 237) on :
Deb, Our sincere condolences go out to you and Arthur. It's amazing that you were able to allow your son to bond with his father under the circumstances. You and Authur are in our thoughts & prayers. Judy
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
Hey Deb, I can only imagine the grief that your son and you must be feeling. I was trying to imagine how Em' & I would deal with that situation, with her daddy having been geographically as well as emotionally distant. Regardless of divorce or any of that, that is still the guy you made a wonderful, little person with. It would devastate me. . . . I am so glad that Auther & his Dad had those moments together. What a blessing that was. Sometimes people pray for us way before any difficult event occurs and those "pre-prayers" are what shore us up for what's comin'. You sound "shored-up" and I pray your strength continues through-out the holidays and the up-coming year.
Merry CHRISTmas Deb, Love, Sheila
Posted by William Holohan (Member # 2514) on :
Deb, So very sorry for your loss. You and your son will be in my prayers.
Posted by Miles Cullinane (Member # 980) on :
Hi Deb
Sorry to hear of your son's loss and i am sure it has been a hard time for you as well, There is nothing harder than seeing someone we love go through something we have no power to change.
God Bless you are in my prayers
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on :
Deb
Somthing no one else has mentioned is the class way you handled the situation, and continue to do so. You and George have shared a wonderful blessing, Arthur. I can tell by your post that you will miss him, even tho you are no longer married.
You haven't let the bitterness of divorce cloud your good sense, nor have you made Arthur choose one over the other. Very few people are capable of this. My heart goes out to you both as well as the rest of the family. Hope next year is brighter for you all.
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