1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average census rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. For the sake of our ensuing calculations, we will assume that there is at least one good child in each.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1.2 milliseconds to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house.
Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about 78 miles per household, a total trip of 71.6 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours.
This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at appx 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a mere 27.4 miles per second - a conventional reindeer can run 15 miles per hour, unless being chased by a pack of wolves.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison-this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the boat, not the person).
5. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - thus heating the chain in almost the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the Earth's atmosphere. As a result of this friction, the lead pair of reindeer will absorb around 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporised within 4.26 milliseconds. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
Mike,
At that speed, you'd think that the elves would be sure not to sit behind him during takeoffs...
YIKES!!!! Rapid
Posted by Myra Grozinger (Member # 327) on :
Hey Mike and Ray did you work this one out in tandem.... I am laughing so loud I know you can both hear me. This is hysterical and so clever. Beats all the other Santa Cr#@ I have had to endure.
Thanks for the mental workout and a great cartoon to send to my grandson.
Merry Christmas!
Posted by Randy Campbell (Member # 2675) on :
hahahahahahahahahaha rollhahahahahaha! Posted by jack wills (Member # 521) on :
Mike, It's time for you to check in! Interestingly enough the chosen few have the character and quills to match.
Merry Christmas CrazyJack
Posted by Delzell (Member # 1965) on :
Posted by dave parr (Member # 3868) on :
I think it's entirely possible that you forgot to factor in the effects of the magic dust there Mike.
Oh, ...now I am teasing ya! Posted by Mike Languein (Member # 319) on :
I don't do the Magic Dust anymore...
[Dave -- Dave --- open the door, Dave - I've got the Magic Dust. Dave?. . . . . . . .ya there? ]
Posted by dave parr (Member # 3868) on :
no, no, no, ...Santa sprinkles the magic dust in the air, man. ...then all the little elves flash and carry the delivery crew on their journey at the speed of light, ...man!
(elves) an acronym for Emissions of Light and Very low frequency perturbations due to Electromagnetic pulse Sources; extremely bright extremely short (less than a msec) electrical flashes forming a huge ring (up to 400 km diameter) in the ionosphere.
Hahaha, ...magic dust!
Posted by Steve Shortreed (Member # 436) on :
You never mentioned the weight of coal required for the naughty boys Mike. Anything is possible! I recall reading the story of a prophet in the Bible. To my understanding, he was able to tie his ass to a tree and still walk 40 miles. This proves that skin really does stretch furthur than rubber. It's all just a matter of physics.
Posted by Mike Languein (Member # 319) on :
Steve's story puts me in mind of the parable of the city feller who upon locating to Green Acres and acquiring some farmyard stock is moved to inquire of a poor woman waiting at the bus stop whether she would hold his cock and pullet whilst he chased his ass around the corner. It's in the book.
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
LOL!! Cute!! Merry CHRISTmas & Happy New YEAR to you!!
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