If I join the phone company's Friends & Family plan will they give me a little brother? I've always wanted a little brother.
How come when I call information they can't tell me where I left the remote?
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, who do they call?
Why do they call it chili when it burns your mouth?
Posted by James Donahue (Member # 3624) on :
The 911 question reminds me of a "Herman" cartoon I saw: a bunch of protesters were walking around with blank placards. Turns out they were union sign painters on strike!
Posted by Jon Butterworth (Member # 227) on :
Kissy has given you SMALL sample of the subject debated on chat tonight
It was instigated by no other than the Prince of Humour ... Spyke.
See if I can remember some others. They were flying thick and fast at the time.
If a deaf man goes to court ... does he get a fair hearing.?
If a blind man goes to court ... can he see justice being done?
If a cripple goes to court ... can he plead "I don't have a good leg to stand on"?
Is a "hung Jury" realy hanged?
And one of Spykes: If they used to have no smoking areas in planes ... where did the smoke know where to stop!
Finally: If the Red Cross saves little children, does Michael Jackson donate to them in hope of getting one?
Posted by Bill Diaz (Member # 2549) on :
Why is a mouse when it spins?
Posted by Dana Bowers (Member # 780) on :
TOO FUNNY!!! Every Saturday I work in the infirmary. One of the first things I do is write the 'question of the week' on the infirmary board. Everyone is in the habit of coming in to see what it is! I've done this for probably close to a year now... is getting harder to come up with new stuff, so now I 'cheat' and look them up online.
One of my favorites... If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
Been dumping spare change into a wishing well for years, always wishing for a BMW. By now, I coulda just bought it.
How come if you break a crumb in half, you don't get 2 1/2 crumbs, you get 2 crumbs?
When a perfectly healthy person parks in a handicapped space, maybe we should break their leg. They would learn a lesson AND be qualified to park there.
Why does morning have to start so early? (I didn't wanna get up yet)
What do you call a person who hangs around with musicians? ...a drummer.
I need coffee in the worst way... Rapid
Posted by DONALD THOMPSON (Member # 3726) on :
Why do they call a hot water heater that when you don't need to heat hot water. It should be called a cold water heater? Why do you drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
Ray, I like the handicapped parking space idea.
Posted by Bill Diaz (Member # 2549) on :
Have you ever heard the expression, "Ignorance of the law is no excuse?"
If that was so, why would it take lawyers 3 years to complete law school? The supreme court must be supremely ignorant, then, because they are appointed for life to interpret the laws that they have no excuse for not knowing.
Posted by David Fisher (Member # 107) on :
Hey Ray, I heard two roadies discussing the best way to tell of the stage was level. They both agreed that when the drool was running out of both sides of the drummers mouth then it was level.
Posted by Mark Higdon (Member # 2990) on :
What's the number for 911?
Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
David,
My sides are splitting here....too funny.
I'm gonna go out to the shop and play for a while and see if the floor has been shifting.
LMAO Rapid
Posted by John Stagner (Member # 4091) on :
Hey, my sister's married to a drummer. She said that ain't funny! But, then again, she IS married to a drummer.
Posted by Mark Yearwood (Member # 2723) on :
Hey, Ray! I'm a drummer and I resemble that remark.
Why do they put a toll booth in the middle of a freeway?
Why do they call it a drive-thru when you really drive up....and call a shooting a drive-by?
Why do you always run out of milk before you run out of cereal?
Why do you always run out of that "mixed on the fly" color of paint on the last sheet of material for that big sign?
Why does the phone only ring after wetting a brush?
Posted by James Donahue (Member # 3624) on :
I don't know if exhaustion gets to what brain I have, but I was driving past a seafood restaurant last week. I saw the banner that said:"Battered Shrimp", and I wondered :"Why do they do that to those poor shrimp?" Seriously.
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
If carports are for parking cars, shouldn't airports be called planeports instead?
Posted by Ed Williams (Member # 846) on :
Why does buttered bread always fall butter side down????
Posted by Ed Williams (Member # 846) on :
Why does an exacto knife always fall blade side down?
Why do you scratch your nose with the finger that has the paint on it? ( well maybe that one is just me )
Posted by Laura Butler (Member # 1830) on :
Why do they chain down the pens at the bank but yet leave the vault open?
Dana, I have a ridule for you. I just heard it the other day on TV or somewhere.
If a man leaves home, makes 3 left turns and is back home again, what is his occupation?
Posted by Bruce Bowers (Member # 892) on :
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...
My guess would be a baseball player.
Hey, what do I know... I'm just a sign painter.
Posted by Dana Bowers (Member # 780) on :
Figures he would beat me to it...
Mark - I actually have a listing at work for the phone numbers to 911! When I sit in dispatch, quite often my officers are in different cities then me. So if they need backup, I have the direct phone numbers to the different 911 operators for each city.
Why is stuff sent in a car called a shipment, but stuff sent in a ship called cargo?
Why is it called rush hour if everyone is going so slow?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Do claustrophobics becomes astronauts because they need more space?
If a mime is arrested, does he have the right to remain silent?
If you shoot a mime, do you need to use a silencer?
Why aren't there B batteries?
Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
What happened to preparations A - G?
Posted by Mike Lavallee (Member # 320) on :
why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
why do they call shimp JUMBO?
why doe's my dog stick her head out of the window of the car but is terrified of the hair dryer?
Posted by TransLab (Member # 470) on :
and my favorite Carlinism
-if you have 24 odds & ends on a table and 23 fall off what do you have left, an odd or an end?
Posted by John Cordova (Member # 220) on :
In a stadium, why do they call them "grandstands" if you sit down?
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