There are two kind so pedestrians-the quick and the dead. Some people are like Slinkies...they're not really good for anything but you just can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Health nuts are going to feel stupid one day lying in the hospital dying of nothing. Life is sexually transmitted. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Give a person a fish and you feed him for the day. Teach the person to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars but a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world IS weird and we take Prozac to make it normal. You read about all these terrorists-most of them came here legally but they just hung around on these expired visa, some of them 10-15 years. Now compare that to Blockbuster. You are two days late with your video and those people are all over you! I say let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration! When I feel blue, I start breathing again. And this one is a true story.. I was at a dinner with a vegetarian across the table from me. When I ordered chicken, she made a comment about how she didn't see how anyone could eat a living thing. I told her my job when I was small on the farm was to take care of the chickens. I told her, "They aren't very nice animals and I eat them just out of spite!" She didn't talk to me the rest of the night...go figure! Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
Jane
Power to the Chicken Eaters! I laugh so hard I had to run to "KFC" for a big Crunch.......... Posted by Danny Busselle (Member # 3746) on :
Well Done...Very Funny Posted by Peter Schuttinga (Member # 2821) on :
A good chuckle is always in style, thanks.
Posted by david drane (Member # 507) on :
I wonder if we can get Adrienne Morgan talking chickens here?!!! Posted by Jane Diaz (Member # 595) on :
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out easily, it's a valuable plant. Get the last word. Apologize. Have you noticed since everyone has camcorders these day, no one talks about seeing UFOs anymore? How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a camp fire? .....just wondering! Posted by Delzell (Member # 1965) on :
Jane,
quote: How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a camp fire?
How true!
Debbie Posted by Linda Schmidt (Member # 2337) on :
Jane- Those were great ... hope I can remember some to use in stupid conversations. Dang and I was having chicken for dinner tonight!
Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on :
cat...the other white meat.
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on :
LOL
Posted by Miles Cullinane (Member # 980) on :
my mum gave my dad this on a nice framed board.
give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. teach a man to fish and you'll get rid of him every weekend!
i love it.
Posted by David Fisher (Member # 107) on :
A variation.
Regarding ruts: A rut it just a grave with the ends kicked out.
Regarding depth: I'm always in the ****, its only the depth that varies
David
Damn typos
[ September 19, 2003, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: David Fisher ]
Posted by Deb Fowler (Member # 1039) on :
Jane, great wisdom! LOL, thanks
Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
Saw this one on a sign where my dad worked years ago...
"Working here is like being on the pill. You feel secure, but your STILL getting SCREWED"
hehehehe Rapid
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
LOL Jane!! Have you written a book yet? You ought to, this post was a hoot!!! By the way, tell the veggie you don't eat "living" things 'cuz it's always dead by the time it's on your plate. Ever notice how a lot'a veggitarians seem to comment, scold and basically force their opinion about your meal on you 'til it's an ISSUE but if your with just about anybody else or a meat eater and you order just a salad they don't usually even notice what yer eatin'. I guess it's 'cuz it means MORE meat for them. I guess it's 'cuz they're lost in a completely animalistic, ravenous feast....
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