I had a great weekend last week as it was along weekend. Did a Quad run of over 200 km. Fest of Lobsters and Steaks.... But a question was ask to me by my Parents......
They showed myself and my wife their new plot for burial....... Now the next request is to design the stone for them.
I have no problem in doing it and will be proud as their son to make it! But it is something that stops me in my own tracks to think that people (My Parents) are getting ready for the final end. It was hard to talk to my Father on the matter as I need more time to get use to it! Posted by TransLab (Member # 470) on :
Bittersweet feeling? ...
Think of it as a unique opportunity to express your love & admiration for your parents while they are still living. Pour your heart & soul into it and create something that symbolizes your feelings and respect.
Posted by VICTORGEORGIOU (Member # 474) on :
Stephen, words don't help much, but don't let it bum you out.
My wife's mother is 87, living in Texas by herself, (we are in California) and has no plans for checking out anytime soom. At the same time, she tells us she is going straight from her casita to the graveyard.
There's a big difference between planning for the unavoidable and deciding to check out. In ten years the 25 year old will be 35, the 87 year old will be 97. You will understand better when you are their age. Enjoy the time you have with them.
Vic G
Posted by John Smith (Member # 1308) on :
Stephen, when my dad was in his last months with colon cancer.... he asked me to build his coffin. At the time, it seemed like a simple job with my woodworking expertise. I bought a book on coffin designs and plans. Got all the materials on hand. Mahogany boards, brass handles, hinges, etc. All went well until it came to actually put the pieces together..... I just couldn't do it. I cried and cried at the thought of losing my dad. We wound up getting a plain jane metal coffin and the beautiful mahogany went into a nice curio hutch for my mother.... in his honor. I guess I am overly sensitive to woodworking as I put my heart and soul into most of my projects. I think engraving a granite marker would be less intrusive to the heart. Good luck and make it happen !!! You will be glad you did and so will they.
Posted by Jillbeans (Member # 1912) on :
Hi Stephen. Think of it as a huge honor, and be glad you still have a dad. My dad was killed in a boating accident 12 years ago this week. Mom had shamrocks put on his headstone, and he probably would have hated it. I would love to be able to see my own tombstone so that it looked the way that I wanted it to. I think grave stones should be a testament to our time on earth. A lot goes into that little dash between our birth and death years. Love- JILL ps good stuff, guys.
Posted by Jeff Ogden (Member # 3184) on :
When my wife passed away 2 years ago, I designed her headstone. It was difficult to do, but now that it's done, it gives me a feeling of good whenever I go out to the cemetary. I guess in a way it gives me peace, and I wouldn't feel that way if I had let someone else do the stone.
When you lose someone, it makes you more aware of the time we do have together, and it makes every day count a little more than it did before. You have a chance to spend more time with your parents while they're here. Doing their stones will probably make you appreciate them more. Posted by Kimberly Zanetti (Member # 2546) on :
When my father was dying a few years ago, at the young age of 57, I knew for over a year that it was going to happen. Being the practical person that I am, I started making plans for the inevitable. He wasn't in any shape to give me any input and I'm an only child so it was all pretty much up to me.
I knew that he wanted to be cremated but I couldn't get him to tell me where to spread his ashes. He spent his entire 57 years in the same town and he spent most of that time wishing that he could break away and move someplace more interesting. The last few years, he talked incessantly about moving to the San Francisco area. Whenever he came to visit us there, he seemed to be better, healthier and more energized so I took his ashes up and spread them off the coast north of the Golden Gate. In fact, I still had the ashes of our beloved family dog and cat(they died 18 years ago and 3 years ago respectively) so I took those and spread them all in the same area. They can play together and he can watch them.
Then there was the obituary for the paper - I have never felt such pressure in my life. How do you summarize an entire life with all of his accomplishments in a short column? It was very difficult. Which of those accomplishments was he most proud of? What would he have wanted the world to remember about him?
The bottom line is that it is so much easier when we let our loved ones know what we want ahead of time. Make a will and detail out all of your wishes if talking about it isn't something that you can handle. If you have young children, please make sure that you have arrangements in place for them in case something happens to you. Just because you know that your brother or sister or mother would make the best guardian for them doesn't mean that the courts will automatically assume so too.
Posted by Lotti Prokott (Member # 2684) on :
The year I first realized that I might lose one of my parents any day, now that they had reached their seventies, I found it very tough to deal with the idea. I did a lot of grieving ahead of time; a little bit here, and a little bit there, on quiet evenings. Then when Dad got sick with cancer, I felt(sort of)prepared to deal with the situation, without having to first go through the process of accepting the basic truth that I would eventually lose him. I took the opportunity the help in the final days, while my brother stayed away as much as possible. As a result, I believe that I have a sense of closure and peace, while my brother still grieves and still denies it. Like Mike said, it is bittersweet, but a beautiful opportunity. If we let it, these things make us into better people. My best wishes to you and your family.
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
Thank you all for your kind replies. I talk to my parents last night with all your words in mind. He is going to purchase the stone and tell myself the size to work with.
It will if anything be the best design I will do in my life..
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