My dads been gone about 5 years now and when he died I was presented his Elks ring...ever since on fathers day (or any other day I need or want him close)...I take this ring from its place in the house and wear it...it's a really satisfying feeling and has never been a sad experience.
The old ring is worn and the tourquoise stone is cracked and repaired...I had a jeweler resize it for me and he wanted to replace the stone...I told him to leave it the way it is...because you see, thats who he was... worn and broken in some ways... repaired and working his way thru life til he could no more...thats the way I will always remember him...HA...fix him indeed!
How do you get thru Fathers day when the most important man in your life is no longer with you?
Posted by Dave Draper (Member # 102) on :
Monty,
I'm faced with going through the process of seeing the last days of my father and hero slipping away. He is losing strength very fast now.
Ive cried a river already, and more are in store. How do you get through it?
Posted by Monte Jumper (Member # 1106) on :
I was told to always remember the crying is for you not him...remember the good times and never let a day go by without telling him how you feel about him...just think how sad it would be not to get that job done.
My dad was taken quickly ( aorta anuerism) so there was no time for me to anguish also no time to tell him how I felt about him...to that regard feel fortunate...I had a hard time dealing with that lack of opportunity.
Sorry to hear this is such a time for you...hope this helps.
Posted by sam kinnear (Member # 3937) on :
I lost my father at the age of four . but i remember him like it was yesterday. I see his face whenever i want to. I just close my eyes and he's there.
I wish I had more time with him, It buckles me to this day. cherish the time you have with your family and friends , tomorrow is promised to no one.
Posted by Kimberly Zanetti (Member # 2546) on :
Father's Day has been a tough one for us for the last 8 years. My husband's father died on Father's Day on 1995. We were with him as he passed away at home. The following Father's Day, his best friend's father died.
As most of you know, my father passed away a year and a half ago. All of you make remembering him and honoring his memory that much easier for me. If it weren't for my Letterhead family, I'm not sure that I would be as at peace with it all as I am.
I tried to make my husband's day as special as I could and what does he do? Turns it around on me and made me an extra special dinner (he's a chef) and he and my daughter are in the other room with some other special surprise for me right now - I'm not allowed in the other room.
If your father is no longer with you, honor him by loving those who still are.
Posted by Deb Fowler (Member # 1039) on :
We lost my dad a year and a half ago, and my two older children's father passed three years ago.
(Today, we visited a nursing home today to warm a heart of my brother's mother-in-law who is 89, and as we drove down the long winding road along the river, we spent a few hours cherishing each other as the sun and summer breeze lifted our spirits)
This week we may visit the graves and place more flowers, but mostly relish last weekend when my twin nieces graduated, and my nephew from Idaho graced our presence. We had a huge family reunion/grad party/luau/ with beautiful weather that lasted two days and nights, reminiscing and cherishing our lives together, the past, present, and future. We have a family newsletter of my dad's side of the family and it arrived to all 16 families to read for Sunday. This newsletter is really precious to us since it keeps the family spirit alive forever in our hearts, every three months we write and submit to the editor. If you ever want any info on how we started it, just let me know as my email is just a click away. Hope your Father's Day is peaceful and good.
[ June 16, 2003, 01:13 AM: Message edited by: Deb Fowler ]
Posted by Doug Allan (Member # 2247) on :
Thanks Monte, I just put on my dads wedding ring that was given to me by my mom after he passed away 17 months ago. I usually keep it in a box of his that used to sit on his dresser because it is a little too small to wear, but that is a good Fathers Day tradition you just started for me.
Today I built a gate & I used his chisel, & his Square. I don't have a lot of his tools, but when I grab one of them, I will always think of him.
Dave, sorry to hear of the troubling times upon you. My dad also declined slowly & I do appreciate the time I had to prepare myself, although it was difficult to see him suffer & lose so much strength & vigor. I knew the last time I saw him that I was saying my final farewell. I flew back to the funeral about 9 days later & felt very fortunate I had made the earlier trip in time.
Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on :
i also lost my dad about 5 years ago(never a good time)...i know when he's visiting my shop, i know when he's riding with me in the front seat of my truck...i feel his positive energy often and it's comforting. hope all you dads had a great fathers day....we had lobsters and steamers...yum!
Posted by Kathy Joiner (Member # 1814) on :
Monte, that is a special tradition you have. Doug, hope you receive comfort wearing your Dad's ring as Monte has.
Dave, I'm blessed to still have my dad who is 92 and the sweetest most humble man on earth. But I lost my Mom 2 years ago this past Jan. Know about how you feel. We have a close family, so it made it easier for us. Mom had cancer so it wasn't easy. You can make this a beautiful time if you celebrate your lives together instead of focusing on the approaching death. Mom wasn't afraid of death but hated to leave us. We spent those last days re-assuring her that she had given us the strength and wisdom to make it.
We had some very wonderful days with her toward the end. Bittersweet. All days with your parents are special, but when you know the end is near they become treasures. Tell your Dad all the special "little" things also. Tell him about the important things you have learned from just watching his life. Point out his physical and personality traits in his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Let him know that a part of him will always go on.
Let him know that you love him enough to let him go. They try to be strong for us, so tell him that it is time for you to be that for HIM. At times I would laugh and say, " Hush Mom and relax, let me be Ethel(her name) for a day. Do you think you didn't teach me anything?"
Monte is right, we cry for us. I'll be 57 next week and I still need her. But if I make 87, on my birthday I will say "Thank you God for giving me my Mom and Dad."
You'll be fine Dave if you can choose to remember life and not death. Look deep inside yourself and other family and you will see him there! It works for me.
Posted by Alan Ackerson (Member # 3224) on :
It's kind of odd but I think I listen to my pop more now than when he was alive.
Posted by Dave Sherby (Member # 698) on :
This was my first Father's Day without my dad. We lost him this past Feb. He went into the hospital for some tests and they found pancreatic cancer. It was a very small tumor but the fast growing kind and they gave him about 6 months to live.
We got the bad news on a Friday night. Saturday they were going to put a stint in the duct through the tumor to restore function to the pancreas & gall bladder. Well one of the rare complications came up during the procedure. My mom called me early Sunday morning and told me if I wanted to see my dad alive I'd better hurry on down.
I rushed down to the shop, got on the computer and found a flight out of Milwaukee to Atlanta, booked it, drove 5 hours to the airport. I got to the hospital at quarter after 11 pm. I had a precious 50 minutes with him before he slipped away. He was unresponsive, but just before he died he shed a single tear. I knew it was the only way he was able to say good bye.
He wasn't the wittiest guy, never made a ton of money, a book of his accomplishments wouldn't contain many pages, but he was my dad and that's all that matters. He was the kindest most compassionate man I've ever known.
This was a tough Father's Day. Posted by Ray Skaines (Member # 3702) on :
My Dad passed away at the end of Father's Day eight years ago. He passed away as I was at his bedside. I loved him so much and it was so difficult to see him slip away. To everyone, never let a day go by without telling your father you love him. Whatever your relationship with your Dad make ever effort to let him know how special he is to you. I am comforted that Mom told me Dad asked forgiveness of his sins from the Lord the day before he died. Dad asked for the Lord to take him home. I, too, love the Lord and look forward to see Dad again.
Posted by Doug Allan (Member # 2247) on :
Thanks for sharing your stories guys. I wanted to ad that I lost my dads ring today for about 2 hours. When I got home from dinner I suddenly want to touch it & it was gone. I frantically searched my truck & driveway trying to remember the last time today that I hed looked at it. I did recall rushing through 5 small banners this afternoon & throwing away heaps of sticky waste with me left hand where the ring was somewhat loosly fit on my little finger. I could barely wait around to have the dinner my wife prepared before returning to the shop to search my trash can. I found it in about 5 seconds after arriving at the shop. The ring is now back in my dads old jewelry box, but I was shown how much energy that object contains for me. He wore it non-stop for 46 years. I was devestated to think I may have lost it, but I do know it represents memories I will never lose. Nevertheless, I intend to never lose the ring either.
Posted by Monte Jumper (Member # 1106) on :
This has been special...thank you all for responding...I got a hunch "they" read it too.
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