Well Heads, I've received some pretty interesting things to cheer me up lately. Here's one of them. I hope I'm not offending anyone with this, that's not my intention. As a matter of fact, I'd love to see a flip-side of this created LOL.
40 Things You'll Never Hear a Southerner Say ********************************************
1. Oh, I just couldn't. Hell, she's only 16.
2. I'll take Shakespeare for 1,000, Alex.
3. Duct tape won't fix that!
4. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael!
5. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
6. We don't keep firearms in this house!
7. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
8. You can't feed that to a dog!
9. I thought Graceland was tacky.
10. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's not safe!
11.Wrasslin's fake.
12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
13. We're vegetarians.
14. Do you think my gut's too big?
15. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
16. Honey, we don't need another dog.
17. Who's Richard Petty?
18. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
19. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
20. Spittin is just a nasty habit.
21. I just couldn't find a thing in Walmart today!
22. Trim the fat off that steak!
23. Cappuccino tastes better than expresso.
24. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
25. I've got it all on the C drive.
26. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
27. Would you like your salmon poached or boiled.
28. My fiance, Bobbi Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
29. I've got 2 cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
30. Little Debbie Snack Cakes have too many fat grams.
31. Checkmate.
32. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
33. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
34. Hay! There's an episode of Hee-Haw that we haven't already seen.
35. I don't have a favorite college team.
36. Be sure to bring my dressing on the side.
37. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
38. Those shorts ought to be a little longer Darla!
39. The tires on that truck are way too big.
40. Nope, no more for me, I'm driving.
Posted by Neil D. Butler (Member # 661) on :
Linda I got one more to add to that.... "Don't go kill'n that Gopher with that ruler.. that's a sin.
Posted by Glenn Taylor (Member # 162) on :
LOL...I love it! Posted by Jim Upchurch (Member # 209) on :
Linda, do any of these sound familiar ?
"You know you're a redneck when ..."
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to "Spare a loved One".
You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.
You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.
You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
Your mom tells the state trooper to "kiss her ass" without taking the cigarette from her mouth.
Posted by Kathy Joiner (Member # 1814) on :
Yall are TOOO funny! The sad side of this is that you REALLY are a redneck if you own every tape that what's his name put out (the you might be a redneck guy) because he is your hero and you think the whole world is laughing with you and not at you while you listen to him.
Linda, something else you will never hear is, "Honey, get off that lawn mower it is too hot for a lady to be cuttin' grass," Or: "Yes dear, I think you should go back to college." "Of course I don't mind if you make more money than me." "Darling I certainly DID notice that you died your hair purple and lost 25 pounds.
Posted by Linda Silver Eagle (Member # 274) on :
Jim,
Did you get the (one a day) Calendar by Jeff Foxworthy for Christmas too? Ha ha ha!
Kathy,
Those are as slick as snot on a door knob! LOL.
Posted by John Smith (Member # 1308) on :
My dad passed away over 15 years ago and he clipped every recipe from the paper or magazine that looked good and kept it on his end table. I can still hear him saying. . . .. don't throw that out!! Your mama is gonna fix it for me some day !!! Nuff said......
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