DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded.... must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time, however, it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY:
Day number 180..... 8:00am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon -OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182 8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE! 10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE! 11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 1:00 pm OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE! 1:30 pm - oooooo. bath. bummer. 4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE! 5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE! 5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Posted by old paint (Member # 549) on :
you forgot that cats bury their excrements, instead of eating them like dogs do......heheheheheheheheh
Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
Hahahahahaaa...we have 2 cats and a parrot...no dog! Byrd is the boss and terrorizes the cats!
Why no dog? Marty says if she's gonna have a dog, it's gotta be big enuff that it don't die, if she kicks it! And I say no dog that size here! Lil dogs go doo-doo....big dogs sh**!!!!
Posted by AdrienneMorgan (Member # 1046) on :
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's So very true,,,,
CAT'S RULE, DOGS DROOL
A >^,,^<
Posted by warpaint (Member # 2395) on :
Si, what kind of bird do you have? I have a blue and gold macaw that bosses my cat around!
Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
I have an African Grey parrot nemed Missie, but preffers to be called Byrd, and adds -bird to anyone's name she likes. She's now 15 years old and thinks she should be involved, or helping with everything.
Posted by JoAnna Nouis (Member # 2838) on :
If you want a small dog you can kick, get a Jack Russell Terrier, they will just kick you back! I love my JRT's!
Posted by Glenn Taylor (Member # 162) on :
David, I got a Blue & Gold as well, Along with a cat, and a Beagle mix.....
The Bird is the Boss!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Shirley Carron (Member # 2446) on :
Too funny, Glen!
I'll show my sister this, might explian a few "things" happening around her house!
Thank God I have a dog!
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
I love cats. They taste just like chicken. Posted by Steve Nuttle (Member # 2645) on :
Chris shame on you! There are lots of things that taste like chicken and are not cats per say.
Glenn where do you come up with stuff you do? I love it but am afraid you may have too much time on your hands. LOL Posted by Mike Languein (Member # 319) on :
Hmm, a Cat & Beagle mix, eh?
...and people think they don't get along.
Posted by Glenn Taylor (Member # 162) on :
Some things are just sooooooo unnatural.........
[ March 23, 2002, 11:32 AM: Message edited by: Glenn Taylor ]
Posted by Del Badry (Member # 114) on :
Do you know how to make a cat sound like a dog!
Cover it in lacquer thinner and throw a match.... WOOOOOOOOOF!!!!!!!!
Posted by The Moon (Member # 452) on :
How do you give a cat a bath?
Toss it in, Close the lid, flush three times, and RUN!
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