1. The Dither Bird
Usually female, the Dither Bird can be quite pleasant and seemingly easy to deal with. She doesn't object to price, and willingly signs a contract, often commenting that she's in a hurry for her signs - then proceeds to delay everything while she agonizes over colors, typestyles, or some petty detail of the logo she's paid some ad agency a fortune to develop. One cannot rush a Dither Bird; pushing for a decision only makes her cranky. She is picky and wants everything just so - and will make you crazy with her indecisive nature and constant changes.

Rating - 3

2. Mister Know-It-All
This guy wastes no time letting you know that he could make his own signs if he "had the time" Which he doesn't, because aside from telling you what material, paint, color, brand of vinyl, and font to use, he's busy telling the mechanic how to fix his brakes and the plumber how to install a new toilet. At best, he's mildly annoying, at worst, condescending in his superior knowledge of How To Make A Sign. Charge him way too much, and keep the money.
Rating - 3

3. The Enthusiast
This customer loves everything you do. Everything. At first it's nice to be complimented, until you realize that this customer would gush over your morning bowel movement, given the opportunity. The worst thing about Enthusiasts is that they are indiscriminate in their Enthusiasm - you can show them a carved and gilded, Gary Anderson-inspired masterpiece, or all-capital Old English on dinged coroplast, and get the same breathless expression of admiration for your incredible talent. Still, an Enthusiast can be good for your ego, as long as you don't let him/her hang around too long.
Rating - 4

4. The Critic
This is the Enthusiast's alter ego, the customer who is never satisfied. Often combined with aspects of Mister Know-It-All, this guy would criticize a Mike Stevens layout or a Rick Glawson glass-gild job. There is no point in attempting to please a Critic; your feeble attempts are never going to achieve his lofty standards of perfection. The Critic has any number of motivations. Sometimes he just wants to pay less money, (see The Conniver) but more often, he just needs a reason to bitch about something. Anything.

rating - 2

5. The Cheapskate
This customer sees one thing, and one thing only - The Price. Not being burdened by such lofty sentiments as loyalty, dignity, taste, or anything resembling a conscience, the Cheapskate will shop all over the state to save $5 on a $500 job - not that he'd ever pay that much for "a bunch of letters on a board" - and he'll shop your sketch, too, if you are dumb enough to give him one for free. Depressingly numerous, it is the Cheapskate who primarily responsible for the worldwide Ugly Sign Epidemic. Fortunately, the Cheapskate is fairly easy to spot - the first thing ought of his mouth is "How much you gonna charge me for a sign?" Do yourself a favor - show this jerk the door. The sooner, the better.

Rating - 0

6. The Haggler
Often bearing a superficial resemblance to the Cheapskate, the Haggler is often less concerned about getting a low price, as getting what he thinks is a "deal". Quite often, a Haggler actually does want a decent sign, unlike a Cheapskate, who really doesn't care. If you spot a Haggler early on, you can still get your money, as long as you up the price to begin with and let him dicker you down a bit. Keeping this in mind, you'd be surprised how easy it is to out-Haggle a Haggler.

Rating - 4

7. The Deadbeat
The only thing lower than the Cheapskate, the Deadbeat is the scourge of the industry. He agrees to almost anything, but there's always some emergency that interferes with actually giving you money - he left his checkbook at (home/the office/the other car/Afghanistan - pick one), or the bank is closed, or some close family member needs to go to the hospital for an unexpected lobotomy, or some other such very plausible-sounding excuse. Your BS alarms start to clang, but because he agrees to pay your price and is in a big hurry to get the sign, you are tempted to throw caution to the winds. One word of advice: Don't. You'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and forever. Money is no object to the Deadbeat - he has no intention of paying you, not now, not ever. Dealing with Deadbeats is a rite of passage in our trade; everyone gets burned at least once. The only defense is firm shop policy: 50% down, balance COD, signed contract, no exceptions. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Rating - below zero (pond scum)

8. The Conniver
The Conniver is a true shape-shifter - he may appear to be any number of other types, and his only unique trait is that he will attempt to manipulate you to his advantage. This can take many forms. He may sound easy and up-front to deal with, but there will always be some unforseen problem down the line - the size/shape/color/whatever isn't quite what he expected, but he'll take it if you'll charge less. Sometimes it's more blatant - I once had a Conniver who claimed I had changed a price on a signed work order, and was trying to cheat him out of the massive sum of five dollars. Only experience allows you to spot a well-disguised Conniver, and how not to let him ruin your day.

Rating - 1

9. The Ad Agency
Along with Architects and so-called "Designers", dealing with the Ad Agency can be one of your most aggravating experiences. Always assume that an Ad Agency is a Conniver, and don't let yourself be intimidated by their command of jargon, or starry-eyed by the names on their client list. To them, you are a lowly "service provider" and completely expendable. The Ad Agency will almost always make ridiculous demands - incomprehensible designs, unspeakable colors, impossible deadlines - and, armed with the ever-annoying PMS book, are on a mission to drive you insane, not to mention making you wait thirty to ninety days for you money.

Rating - 1

10. The Architect
Behold the mighty Architect. From high on his throne he dispenses blueprints and instructions, but because the Architect doesn't actually have to create anything he draws, his designs frequently have nothing to do with physical reality - hey, that's what engineers are for. Heaven forbid, though, that you dare suggest the Architect alter his plans - and if the plans insist on seventeen lines of 8-inch high lettering on a 30" wide glass door, it's your job to make it work. Still, because an Architect is usually spending someone else's money, working for them can be quite profitable. Just remember to budget for plenty of antacids, and remember that despite all the pomposity and rubbish about his "conceptual integrity", the word of the Architect, like a horoscope, is almost always open for interpretation.

Rating -variable

11. The Drama Queen
She may only want a "NO PARKING" sign, but it's the most important NO PARKING sign in Christendom, and don't you forget it! Welcome to the world of the Drama Queen, where every decision is life or death, and every detail an operatic production requiring arguments, distress, and emergency long-distance phone calls to someone named Bernie (usually on your phone in your shop). Often the Drama Queen is remarkably casual about things like spelling or the correct address. She's busy obsessing over the important things - could that shade of peach be just a tiny bit more, you know, lemony? Dealing with a Drama Queen can be either aggravating or highly amusing, depending on your attitude (and how much she's paying).

Rating - 3

!2. The Angel
The perfect customer. Respects your opinions, asks your advice, provides detailed, non-contradictory information, gives you a free hand with design, doesn't object to your prices, pays promptly, is pleasant, personable, and even quite good-looking. Exceedingly rare, but they do exist - when you find one, guard her (or him) carefully, cultivate with top-notch products and no-excuse customer service, and you can actually find yourself growing a profitable and ongoing business relationship. Just one of these can make your day - or month, if the order is big enough - and a few of them can make your whole career.

Rating - 5+++++++

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"A wise man concerns himself with the truth, not with what people believe." - Aristotle

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Raoul Duke (Hunter S. Thompson)

Cam
Finest Kind Signs
256 S. Broad St.
Pawcatuck, Ct. 06379
"Award winning Signs since 1988"

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Si Allen #562
La Mirada, CA. USA
(714) 521-4810
ICQ # 330407
"SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"

95% of all accidents occur immediately after the words "Hey...watch this."

Brushasaurus on Chat

Gladly supporting this BB !
 

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Steve Shortreed
144 Hill St., E.
Fergus, Ontario
Canada N1M 1G9
519-787-2673
steve@letterhead.com
ICQ 316338
www.letterhead.com/profiles/shortreed/
 

thank you very much. because of you i now have to explain to my in-laws what the large dark damp spot is under the desk and i am in the need of a change of shorts.

lol! that was priceless.

have a great one!

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Bruce Bowers
DrCAS
Signtech

"how great are His signs..."
Daniel 4:3

i am a proud supporter of this website!

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surf or MoJo
on mirc
Cheryl J Nordby
Signs by Cheryl
Seattle WA.....!
signsbycheryl@hotmail.com


http://www.signsbycheryl.freeservers.com
It's only fun if you can get into trouble!!!
 

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Chuck Peterson Graphics
1860 Playa Riviera Dr.
Cardiff-by-the-Sea, Calif. 92007

 

I am one day going to paint this as a sign to hang on the wall.

And for every customer that comes to my Studio I am going to ask them to pick one to describe themselves!!!!
LOL

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Raven/2001
Airbrushed by Raven
Lower Sackville N.S.
deveausdiscovery@sprint.ca

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St.Marie Graphics
& Makin' Tracks Sound Studio
Kalispell, Montana
stmariegraphics@centurytel.net http://www.stmariegraphics.com
800 735-8026
We're chiseling every day of the week! :^)
 

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Wright Signs
Wyandotte, Michigan
Since 1978
www.wrightsigns.outputto.com
All change isn't progress, and all progress isn't forward.
 

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Warning: A well designed sign may cause fatigue due to increased business.
http://members.tripod.com/taylor_graphics

Personal > walldog@nc.rr.com
Business > creativesigns@bbnp.com
 

Cam, you have great writing abilities. Maybe you missed your true calling.

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Chapman Sign Studio
Temple, Texas
rchapman@vvm.com
 

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Dennis Goddard
Excalibur Signs & Graphics
Tampa Fl
 

Dennis... Homeowner's Associations and Committees are the bane of our existence! The way I deal with them is to say That I don't want the job, UNLESS they designate ONE PERSON that I am to deal with! Anyone else steps in and I drop the job and charge them for what has been accomplished to that point! Last job like that took a little over 6 months for the "Go Ahead" ( I also add 30% to my estimate to cover the nuisance factor!)

Werks fer me!

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Si Allen #562
La Mirada, CA. USA
(714) 521-4810
ICQ # 330407
"SignPainters do It with Longer Strokes!"

95% of all accidents occur immediately after the words "Hey...watch this."

Brushasaurus on Chat

Gladly supporting this BB !
 

13. The Crank
Every neighborhood has one. He's the arrogant, cranky, sour-faced old busybody with too much time on his hands, which he spends complaining about his neighbors, their dog, their kids, noise, parking, you name it. He never has enough signs warning of the dire consequences of stepping on his grass or littering his sidewalk, and no matter how busy you are (doing REAL signs for REAL customers) he wants his sign RIGHT GODDAM NOW!, and besides that, who the hell do you think you are to charge that much? Like the Critic, he wants something to complain and get pissed about, and for the moment, you'll do. He doesn't like to take "NO" for an answer,so your only defense is to emphatically refuse to do any work for him, and throw him out. Don't even hesitate; just do it. Trust me, it'll be so much fun, you'll wonder why you haven't done this before.
Rating - 1(for aggravation) or 5 (for entertainment)depending on your mood.

14. The Starving Artist
This frustrated creature thought that being a Starving Artist sounded romantic (until he/she realized that "starving" involved actually missing a few meals), and it irritates him/her to no end that you actually make a living doing signs (which, as we all know, is beneath the dignity of a "real" artist). Often a Starving Artist will profess some level of admiration for your talent, usually with some sort of back-handed compliment, but it never fails - whatever you do won't be good enough, especially when it comes to making a readable sign out of the ghastly design and color combinations they insist you use. Whether or not you can salvage the situation may depend entirely on how much a**kissing you are willing to do to sooth their poor, battered Starving Artist ego; that being the case, make damn sure it's worth your while.
Rating - 2

15. The Talker
Sometimes you can't seem to get enough information from a customer - then there's The Talker. A Talker needs to tell you everything - about his sign, his business, why his last business went under, his kids, his ex, his dog, how the mechanic screwed up his carburator.... on and on and on, until it begins to dawn on you that he doesn't really want a sign, he wants an audience - and you are IT. Usually he has already agreed to terms, but until he's done Talking he's not going to actually get around to writing a check, so you better keep listening. Who says patience isn't a virtue?
Rating - 3
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"A wise man concerns himself with the truth, not with what people believe." - Aristotle

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Raoul Duke (Hunter S. Thompson)

Cam
Finest Kind Signs
256 S. Broad St.
Pawcatuck, Ct. 06379
"Award winning Signs since 1988"

[This message has been edited by Cam Bortz (edited September 03, 2001).]
 

16. The Phonaholic
The most profitable customer of all time! All orders are via phone, no questions asked, just orders and PO#'s issued. Quotations are all signed via fax. Proofs are viewed via email. They always pay and they always reorder. Good weather and a well oiled computer are imperative, for if you lose power, phone or computer capabilities, you've temporary lost their business.
rating - 5+

17. The Phonanonymous
Same as the Phonoholic, except you've NEVER seen the person ordering. You just know them by voice, and one day if you do meet, erase the image you have of them, because you'll be dead wrong on all accounts. But don't look surprised if/when you do meet one day. You want to keep their good return biz, even if the new visual disturbs you.
rating - 5+ until you meet them, then it moves to 4 due to added stress of new visual.

18. The Sicko
These customers are always sick. Normally coughing without attempts to cover their mouths, or sneezing all over your work orders. Makes you wonder how they can be too sick to work, yet healthy enough to order a sign. They normally talk in monotone with glazed over eyes for added charm. Charge them extra for the cleanup.
rating - 1

19. The Cell Phonehead
These guys have a cell phone glued to their ear at all times. They come into your shop, walking in while talking. Then they hang up, and in mid sentence to you, answer the phone again, and yakity yak your afternoon away while you wait or continue other work in front of them. When you've had enough, ensure you've recieved good eye contact with them, then look down at your watch, and back at them again letting out a huge exaggerated sigh, while you annoyingly tap your fingers or pen on your desk. If they don't get the message, get up, turn off the lights and flip over your Gone For Lunch (or weekend) sign, and stand in the doorway holding it open for them. Then request they phone you from their cell phone to order their signs next time.
rating - minus 5 because they didn't put in an order and made your office noisy.

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Graphic Impact
Abbotsford, BC, Canada
gisigns@sprint.ca

[This message has been edited by Donna in BC (edited September 04, 2001).]
 

Always willing to come into your shop and buy a sign.
But likes to hang around to inspect the work as you are doing it!
Promises to be a good person and just sit there.
But no way!
Helps hold the ruler for you and removes all the masking tape for you, even touches the surface to see if the paint is dry yet!

And asking to many questions on how you did that!

If this is not bad enough then they promptly climb the ladder right behind you when doing the install.

Rating +1 (Pulling your hair out to get them out off your shop)

LOL

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Raven/2001
Airbrushed by Raven
Lower Sackville N.S.
deveausdiscovery@sprint.ca

Stinking Rich
This is drawn from personal experience - the wife of a wealthy local developer, who came in to order an expensive carved sign for her husband's real-estate development. She was wearing a white tennis outfit that looked like it had been slept in for a few days, reeked of gin, chain-smoked menthol cigarettes, and was in general one of the most dissolute and physically repulsive people to ever walk in my shop. Except for the late-model Mercedes(with the dented fender) and the expensive watch and jewelry, she could have passed for a bag lady. Her personal habits were disgusting as well; the tops being when she ground one cigarette out under her heel ON THE FLOOR INSIDE MY SHOP! while lighting yet another. Now granted, my shop floor is anything but pristine, but enough was enough. I quite firmly told her take her butts outside, and was willing to lose the job by possibly offending her - she just shrugged and went on to place the order. I strongly suspect that being insulted by a sign painter was the least of her problems.

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"A wise man concerns himself with the truth, not with what people believe." - Aristotle

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Raoul Duke (Hunter S. Thompson)

Cam
Finest Kind Signs
256 S. Broad St.
Pawcatuck, Ct. 06379
"Award winning Signs since 1988"

We have a couple in this area that are quite common.

The insecure.
This guy is in business, but for some reason isn't really sure he wants folks to know he is. He's related to Dither I think,usually drives a brand new plain jane work truck with ladder racks and tool boxes. He might be a carpenter, plumber, roofer, painter or just about any one of the building trades. IF he decides to get the truck lettered he wants it real small ( he uses it to go to the golf course on weekends and doesn't want anybody to know it's his work truck ) plus he parks it in his driveway at night, with ladder racks and tool boxes, yep , nobody has any idea what that is. You can waste a lot of time with this guy.

Lacks reason.
This guy is insecure's first cousin. He drives the exact same plain white work truck with ladder racks and tool boxes. He almost always shows up with his old truck so you can see the lettering. The truck is inevitably beat to hell beyond recognition. The first question he will ask in regards to lettering the new one will ALWAYS be "How do I go about getting this stuff off when I trade it in, I don't want them knocking anything off cause it's a work vehicle"

The Mae West
These folks always want you to come up and see them. "I have an office door I need you to come look at." "I've got a wrecker I need you to come look at" Duh, I think I can visualise what a door looks like, tell me the make and color of the wrecker and I just might be able to picture it DO NOT go to see Mae, she/he has a bad habit of standing people up.
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George Perkins
Millington,TN.
goatwell@ionictech.com

"I started out with nothing and still have most of it left"

http://goatwell.tripod.com

[This message has been edited by George Perkins (edited September 04, 2001).]
 

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aka: Cisco
aka:Traveling Millennium Sign Artist
http://www.franciscovargas.com
Fresno, CA 93703
559 252-0935

"to live life, is to love life, a sign of no life, is a sign of no love"...Cisco 12'98

[This message has been edited by FranCisco Vargas (edited September 04, 2001).]
 

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Jill Marie Welsh "jillbeans" since 1963
Jill's Custom Signs
just 8 miles South of Butler, PA
jillbean16002@netscape.net or jillbean160020@lycos.com
 

How much for this sign?
And if I pay you in cash will you knock it down in price?

Don't you want a receipt Sir?
No! don't need one!

Wouldn't you like to claim it on your taxes Sir?
Nope!

Before quoting the price make sure to mark up at least 50% so he can knock you down 25%.

As Dave Grundy said fill out a invoice and mark in red letters that the customer refused to pay Taxes! (keeping both copies)

After the fact and the customer returns with a change or problem. (He wants fixed)

Ask for the receipt and when they cannot produce it!

Say I am sorry sir but I have to ask you to show the bill of sales for any warranty work, and if you cannot produce it then I will have to charge you for the changes!

Add another 50% to the new work!

LOL

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Raven/2001
Airbrushed by Raven
Lower Sackville N.S.
deveausdiscovery@sprint.ca