A store owner was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up on his left and erected a huge sign which read, "BEST DEALS."
He was shocked when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading, "LOWEST PRICES."
Panic ensued until he had an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read, "MAIN ENTRANCE."
Posted by Dave Grundy (Member # 103) on :
Posted by Ricardo Davila (Member # 3854) on :
Outstanding, Shirley !!......That is, simply, priceless !!
RD
Posted by Dave Grundy (Member # 103) on :
OK...Another clean/non-offensive joke from Mexico. But not sign related.
Two old Jewish men, Sid and Abe, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant one day.
Sid asks Abe, "Do you know if any people of our ancestry were ever born and raised in Mexico?"
Abe replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."
When the waiter arrives, Abe asks, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
The waiter says, "I don't know senor, I ask the cooks."
He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says, "No senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews."
Abe isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"
The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Gringos" replies, "I check once again, senor," and goes back into the kitchen.
While the waiter is away, Sid says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere."
The waiter returns and says, "Senor, the head cook, Manuel, he say there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Abe asks again. "I just can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"
"Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter.
"All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Apple Jews, but no Mexican Jews."
Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
a woman walks int the local pharmacy. Sh says " I would like a bottle of arsenic, please. "
The Druggist says " I can't sell you that! It is a deadly poison!"
She calmly reaches into her purse and hands him a photo of his wife and her husband in bed.
The Druggist says " Oh! You didn't tell me that you had a prescription!"
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on :
Two men walking their dogs together decide to visit a local coffee shop during their walk. Joe, the first man tells Ted, follow my lead: Joe dons his sunglasses and enters the coffee shop with Ted following closely.
The hostess informs him that he cannot bring the animal into the cafe. Joe says to her, "but I am blind, and it is my guide dog, are you discriminating against blind people?" She tells him that she has never seen a beagle guide dog. Joe assures her of the beagles long history of keen eyesight, loyalty, security, and companionship. Grudgingly, she allows him to enter
Ted follows the lead of Joe: Again, the hostess resists his entry. She informs him that he cannot enter the cafe with an animal. He informs her of his blindness, and he informs her of the attributes of his "guide dog" She retorts, "I've never seen a Chihuahua guide dog"
The "blind" man, Ted says "Chihuahua?? They gave me a Chihuahua???
[ November 22, 2014, 09:10 AM: Message edited by: Rick Beisiegel ]
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on :
Double post
[ November 22, 2014, 09:08 AM: Message edited by: Rick Beisiegel ]
Posted by Dave Sherby (Member # 698) on :
The economy must be improving a little. I haven't heard anyone telling jokes in quite a while. Long time ago I heard that when the economy is bad, very few jokes go around.
Posted by Rusty Bradley (Member # 6938) on :
Good laughs.
Posted by Chuck Peterson (Member # 70) on :
My friend, Larry bought a pig the other day. I asked Larry where he was gonna keep his pig, he said, under his bed. I said, what about the smell? Larry said, He'll just have to get used to it.
Posted by Bill Diaz (Member # 2549) on :
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you get an onion with big floppy ears.
But once and a while you'll get a piece of ass that'll bring tears to your eyes.
Posted by Bill Diaz (Member # 2549) on :
![[Rolling On The Floor]](graemlins/rolf.gif)
![[Applause]](graemlins/applause.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)