Today, I'm honoring my best friend and biggest fan, my mom.
Last nite, Tuesday, March 30th at 9pm, my mom collapsed while grocery shopping. And she never woke up. She was sitting down at the time and wasn't alone. What a blessing.
God took her very suddenly, just like He did with my Dad years ago. So I go into this new phase knowing, this was indeed planned.
My mom was one sweet gal. She showed the masses what true optimism was. She was artistic, loved life, loved her family beyond measure, and her faith her highest ranking hobby. Her hugs were long, and it pained her when you left her sight. When you left her place, she always went outside and stood by the road waving until you were completely out of her line of vision. Without fail. It was always hard to leave her and her place. She just never seemed to get her fill of you. She loved her family and was the finest example of what a parent could be.
Last night at the hospital, I actually smiled through my tears as I held onto her for the last time. I was holding her leg through the soft flannel sheets because I wanted to remember her warmth. My playful thoughts were, "Mom, you stinker! What have you gone and done now?!?" My most inner thoughts were, she was finally reunited with my Dad, whom she desperately missed every single minute he was gone. They simply were a pair that belonged together. And now they are.
My son was with me the entire time. This is his first round of this type of loss and I'm so extremely proud of him!
Yesterday had me feeling like it was a day to celebrate. Most certainly shock has taken over, but more than that, I was able to see over and beyond the fog, that THIS is where she needs to be. It was time. Even without warning for those that loved her.
How I feel today? Hour by hour. It's all one can do.
It's ok. It will be ok once we figure out the new norm. For now, I'm simply clinging to the thought that she's no longer in pain from that back of hers, she doesn't have to remember those silly meds nor does she have to wear hearing aids that never worked to her liking anyway.
And she's in the most ultimate place ever. WHAT A DAY that must be! I can't even imagine.
Between the tears that will no doubt spill, I wear a celebration hat for my Mom. Missing her desperately will come easy. So I'll continue to attempt to turn my thoughts to what SHE must be living in right now.
How I wish I could pick up that phone and ask her what her new pad is like. For now, I'll just have to wing it hour by hour and know she's being cared for by The Ultimate. Lucky gal.
See you soon, Mom. And Dad. My thoughts are with both of you today.
xoxo
Posted by Mike Faig (Member # 6104) on March 31, 2010 03:26 PM:
Thinking about you and your mom. I think I'll call mine.
Posted by John Byrd (Member # 825) on March 31, 2010 03:26 PM:
Oh the stories that will be told...I look forward to meeting her one day. The loss here is always sorrowfull but that She is dancing with her creator now is hard not to smile about.
Posted by Kent Moss (Member # 4295) on March 31, 2010 03:28 PM:
Donna,So sorry for You & you'r sons loss. Mom's are the greatest. May she rest in peace in Heaven with your Dad.
Kent Moss
Posted by Dan Sawatzky (Member # 88) on March 31, 2010 03:41 PM:
Our hearts and prayers are with you and Cody.
-dan
Posted by Jane Diaz (Member # 595) on March 31, 2010 03:49 PM:
I'm sitting here crying for you Donna. It is a hard thing to lose a parent but it sounds like you had a bunch of great memories of her as your story above is sooo touching. I wish we could all be there to give you and your son a big hug. Our deepest sympathies!!
Posted by Raymond Chapman (Member # 361) on March 31, 2010 03:56 PM:
What beautiful words. Her spirit lives on in you and ultimately in Cody.
She prepared you for this day by the way she lived her life and now you are exhibiting the same faith that she had.
Words will not fill the void, but you have a lot of folks by your side right now. We cry along with you though separated by lots of miles.
Thanks for sharing your memories of a full life.
Posted by Bruce Brickman (Member # 8180) on March 31, 2010 04:09 PM:
Donna,
What clarity and grace you have. Many blessings.
Posted by Rick Sacks (Member # 379) on March 31, 2010 04:42 PM:
I'm so glad you and Cody get to do this together. Your hopeful attitude and willingness to share your pain seem a very healthy balance and that is what Cody needs demonstrated. Thank you for being my friend and allowing me to feel your loss from afar.
Posted by Tom & Kathy Durham (Member # 776) on March 31, 2010 04:49 PM:
Both our parents are gone and are dearly missed. I refuse to think of them as dead, but that they have just moved and we will go there someday for a visit. What a great visit that will be. Our thoughts are with you.
Posted by bill riedel (Member # 607) on March 31, 2010 04:50 PM:
To lose a parent is difficult, but when there is so much love you have many good memories to dwell on. Just think how lucky you were to have such a special Mother who taught you all the good things that you can now pass on to your Son. Bill
Posted by Duncan Wilkie (Member # 132) on March 31, 2010 04:56 PM:
Donna, my heart and prayers go out to you. Thank you for sharing with us.
Posted by Bruce Bowers (Member # 892) on March 31, 2010 04:56 PM:
I am saddened by your loss. I am glad to hear you have faith that she is with God.
My heartfelt condolences to you and yours, Donna.
Posted by Don Hulsey (Member # 128) on March 31, 2010 05:51 PM:
My Dad went home in 2000, and my Mom went to join him in 2003. I was actually happy for her, but I still miss them both every day.
I offer my condolences to you and others left behind waiting thier time.
Posted by Rene Giroux (Member # 4980) on March 31, 2010 05:58 PM:
Condolences from the other side of the country Donna!
Posted by George Perkins (Member # 156) on March 31, 2010 06:17 PM:
My heart goes out to you Donna.
Posted by Dale Manor (Member # 4858) on March 31, 2010 06:27 PM:
Continue to celebrate her life Donna, my heart and prayers go out to you and Cody...peace
Posted by Sam Staffan (Member # 4552) on March 31, 2010 06:40 PM:
We will be thinking of you Donna and wishing you all keep the positive strength you have up.
Remember if you start to feel yourself leaning there are a lot of people behind you to give you support.
Posted by Jim Moser (Member # 6526) on March 31, 2010 07:13 PM:
You have been truly blessed to have such wonderful parents, as is your son to have you for a Mom. I know they will be watching you and Cody with pride and lots of Love.....
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on March 31, 2010 07:17 PM:
I'm sorry to hear about losing your mom, Donna. Moms are special people and always hold a place in our hearts that no one else can. I lost mine over fifteen years ago and I can still hear her voice and see the twinkle in her eyes when she smiled.
Posted by Ken Henry (Member # 598) on March 31, 2010 07:18 PM:
Sincere condolances Donna & Cody.
Posted by Tim Barrow (Member # 576) on March 31, 2010 08:09 PM:
My condolences Donna,...
Posted by Susan Banasky (Member # 1164) on March 31, 2010 08:22 PM:
Oh Donna...sorry for this loss to you and Cody, but what great thoughts of her reuniting with your Dad. Those typed words were so beautifully written, a real tribute to a special lady in your life. I have just come in from visiting my Mum, kissing her on the cheek as she lays in a nursing home with Alzheimers. My Mum also stood at the driveway and waved till we were out of sight everytime...as I now do with my grandchildren....Mum's are just the best. Enjoy those loving memories. Hugs to you and Cody.
Posted by Sal Cabrera (Member # 1236) on March 31, 2010 08:28 PM:
I'm sorry to hear about losing your mom, Donna. Sincere our condolances.
Posted by Glenn Taylor (Member # 162) on March 31, 2010 08:31 PM:
Our prayers are with you, Donna.
Posted by Alicia B. Jennings (Member # 1272) on March 31, 2010 09:02 PM:
Sorry to hear of your loss, Donna. Sometimes you're never sure if suddenly going is the best way to go. It just hits so you hard. I pray for strengh for you and Cody.
Posted by Terry Whynott (Member # 1622) on March 31, 2010 09:09 PM:
So sorry, Donna. She sounded like a very special lady.
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on March 31, 2010 09:22 PM:
Sorry to hear of your loss Donna.... but what an inspiring tribute to your mother. Prayers are with you...
Posted by Barb. Shortreed (Member # 1730) on March 31, 2010 09:38 PM:
Donna, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know what your going through and I wish I was there to give you a hug.
Posted by Deb Fowler (Member # 1039) on March 31, 2010 09:49 PM:
Donna,
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sadness is such a heavy burden. Your mom was the best friend you'll ever have and dad too . Please know you are among friends, and if you ever need anything just say so.
I miss my Mom, Dad and sister everyday, but there is a hope that there are better things to come, as they left me with that and lived what they believed. I hope I can do the same for my children. Our parents memories live forever and we can be inspired daily with their love and advice to continue on.
Posted by Kimberly Zanetti (Member # 2546) on March 31, 2010 10:06 PM:
So sorry for your loss Donna.
Posted by PatRaap (Member # 4290) on March 31, 2010 10:14 PM:
So sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Cody
Posted by John Deaton (Member # 925) on March 31, 2010 10:18 PM:
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. I cant remember who said this, but I always remember it when I think of my dad. So many memories and great things to remember Donna. Keep her alive in your heart and mind. I do every day with my dad. Very sorry for your loss...
Posted by Jon Jantz (Member # 6137) on April 01, 2010 12:13 AM:
I believe you inherited your class and grace rightfully, Donna. It sounds like she was a great lady. I'm sorry for your loss, but with so many people passing after months of suffering, I can't help but think she was lucky to avoid that and live a happy life up until the day she was done here...
Contrary to what you guys up there may think, there's an even better place... and I believe she's there.
Posted by Dana Stanley (Member # 6786) on April 01, 2010 12:25 AM:
Oh Donna I'm so sorry. God bless you and Cody, I am glad you know she is doing just fine now.
[ April 01, 2010, 12:29 AM: Message edited by: Dana Stanley ]
Posted by Donna in BC (Member # 130) on April 01, 2010 03:58 AM:
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and prayers. I believe they are working. Despite alot of hard decisions today, it just felt good to hang with family members while we decided things together.
And I've landed my first ever pall bearer gig. The 5 siblings plus my neice are doing the deeply honoured duty. My mom would have ADORED this idea.
Lots more firsts just around the corner, so a day at a time here is what we're working with.
Oh.. and my post up above? The gang loved it so much we've modified it to work in the funeral bulletins. I do believe I can now say I'm a published writer.
Thanks again.
[ April 01, 2010, 04:00 AM: Message edited by: Donna in BC ]
Posted by Neil D. Butler (Member # 661) on April 01, 2010 04:58 AM:
So sorry Donna, My deepest condolences... Take care.
Posted by The Moon (Member # 452) on April 01, 2010 06:55 AM:
So sorry to hear of your sorrow. I shed a tear or three while reading your first post and smiled through them for your parents.
Donna you've been "published" since you started posting here in Letterville. Haven't missed many of your posts since 1996-7(? or earlier) you are an excellent painter of the written word as well.
Stef
Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on April 01, 2010 07:26 AM:
my heart felt condolences to you and your family during this difficult time.
Posted by Bob Moroney (Member # 9498) on April 01, 2010 07:41 AM:
Sorry for your loss. Your post is very moving.
Posted by Catharine C. Kennedy (Member # 4459) on April 01, 2010 07:46 AM:
My prayers and condolences- but what a celebration!
Posted by Kelly Thorson (Member # 2958) on April 01, 2010 09:37 AM:
My admiration for you has moved up another notch Donna. I'm sure your mom would have loved how you have handled this shock. Looks like she did a great job of raising you. I'll be thinking about you in the next few days, I believe in your case they will be a celebration of her life as well as a time of grieving, which is as it should be. Take Care, Kelly
Posted by Dave Sherby (Member # 698) on April 01, 2010 09:45 AM:
Posted by Bob Peach (Member # 2620) on April 01, 2010 10:11 AM:
So sorry for your loss,Donna and Cody
Posted by Bob Kaschak (Member # 3146) on April 01, 2010 11:25 AM:
So sorry for your loss Donna.
Thoughts and prayers are on the way.
Peace, Bob
Posted by Pierre Tardif (Member # 3229) on April 01, 2010 12:22 PM:
My sincere condolences Donna.
Posted by Doug Allan (Member # 2247) on April 01, 2010 12:23 PM:
My sympathy goes out to you Donna, and your son. I was struck by the strength your words show, as well as the honesty that implies the challenges in holding onto that strength.
Some stories live outside of us, allowing us to simply to read about the experiences of another. Your story takes root inside, generating both empathy for your experience, and greater or renewed understanding of the similar profound experiences we all have & must continue to face.
Posted by Amy Brown (Member # 1963) on April 01, 2010 06:15 PM:
Donna,
I'm so sorry for your loss. That's a tough one.
Amy
Posted by Jean Shimp (Member # 198) on April 01, 2010 08:14 PM:
Really sorry to hear this Donna. God bless you and Cody.
Posted by Joel Cuminale (Member # 3148) on April 01, 2010 09:53 PM:
Well said Donna! I feel like I know your mom through your words...thoughts and prayers are with you.
Posted by Stevo Chartrand (Member # 2094) on April 01, 2010 09:56 PM:
Very sorry for your loss Donna, sincerest condolences. Thoughts are with you and your family at this time. You have wrote some touching words about a very beautiful person in your life. Take care.
Stevo
Posted by FranCisco Vargas (Member # 145) on April 02, 2010 02:29 AM:
Donna, sorry to hear about your mothers loss. You sound pretty understanding about it, but then again we all take leaving this earth in different ways. I remember when my dad had a stroke and was in hospice. I made a film clip of his life in photos and was able to show him what I had made. after he passed we prayed and sad as it was we knew he wasn't suffering anymore. At his funeral before the showing, I ended up gold leafing his name on his casket. We still miss him, even up to today. Your mom will always be in your heart and may she rest in peace, my condolences...
Posted by Henry Barker (Member # 174) on April 02, 2010 03:49 AM:
I tuned in here to see if Dan had been up to more fun stuff, and read this....
Like many others I am really sorry for your loss, know how I felt when my Dad dies 12 years ago.
Mums are very special, what a shock, she's in a better place now, and lives on in you here with us. She's got a daughter she can be really proud of.
Lots of thoughts, and prayers from over here.
Posted by Brian Diver (Member # 1552) on April 02, 2010 11:10 AM:
Sorry to hear about your mom. I'm glad it wasn't long and drawn out. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on April 02, 2010 12:40 PM:
After reading your story of love and honor, I can only hope that when I leave the scene, I am viewed throught the same loving eyes your parents are. Quite a goal to live up to.
Our love to you & Cody
Posted by Declan Newman (Member # 4175) on April 02, 2010 01:40 PM:
Donna,
Sorry to hear about your Mam, condolences.
Posted by Randy Campbell (Member # 2675) on April 03, 2010 12:20 PM:
Very sorry for your loss-God bless.
[ April 03, 2010, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: Randy Campbell ]
Posted by jack wills (Member # 521) on April 03, 2010 07:01 PM:
She is at rest,you have her strength to take with you...
Posted by Elaine Beauchemin (Member # 136) on April 03, 2010 11:22 PM:
Donna, I will keep you in my thoughts. Your writing about your Mom is very touching. Take care.
Posted by Donna in BC (Member # 130) on April 04, 2010 01:57 AM:
Thank-you all for your continued support.
I feel different daily. All I know right now is, when at my mom's, it feels ok. When I come home, I just want to go back. Makes me wish I could buy her place and leave it as is forever.
I took a photo shoot of her place and will put it in a slideshow for the family. I wanted to capture mom's homey clutter before things changed.
And on we go.
Posted by Suelynn Sedor (Member # 442) on April 04, 2010 11:18 AM:
My sincerest sympathy to you and your family Donna. What a beautiful tribute to your Mom!
Suelynn
Posted by Donald Miner (Member # 6472) on April 05, 2010 08:49 AM:
Donna, what a beautifull tribute to your mom. She must be very proud of you as she watches over you from above. Peace, Don
Posted by Russ McMullin (Member # 5617) on April 05, 2010 04:10 PM:
I sure am sorry to hear about your mom, Donna. I'm glad you know you had such a good relationship with her.
Posted by Nikki Goral (Member # 7844) on April 07, 2010 09:53 PM:
Donna, be true to your feelings with your pall bearer duties. I thought I could handle it when my grandpa passed, until...I grabbed the handle. Out of us 6 grandkids, I was the only one to loose it. My dad, who NEVER cries or shows emotion, also began to cry upon seeing my distress. So I wasn't noticed as much as my dad.
But in a way, it helped me get through the process.Even now, 3 years later, I cry thinking about him. We still celebrate his birthday as a family (just last Friday)and those are the things that will keep her in your heart.
Posted by Ed Gregorowicz (Member # 1842) on April 07, 2010 10:06 PM:
I don't know how I managed to miss this post, But I am indeed sorry to hear of your loss.
Posted by Donna in BC (Member # 130) on April 08, 2010 04:07 AM:
Thanks all. The next couple tough days are now upon us. I don't want to go to sleep.
Good point Nikki. Thanks.
[ April 08, 2010, 04:07 AM: Message edited by: Donna in BC ]
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For now, I'll just have to wing it hour by hour and know she's being cared for by The Ultimate. Lucky gal.![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
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