*Free offer
Posted by Bill Biggs (Member # 18) on :
*you are the 9,999,999 etc and you have won etc of course it is a pop up and flashing and you can't close it Bill
Posted by Joey Madden (Member # 1192) on :
when we do right no one remembers, when we do wrong no one forgets.
Posted by Mike Faig (Member # 6104) on :
While on hold, seemingly endlessly, with the IRS, the recording referred to their "customers".
Posted by Sam Staffan (Member # 4552) on :
Wow! That's "Pretty Ugly" and The "Living Dead"
Posted by John Lennig (Member # 2455) on :
"You never forget how to fall off a bike"
Posted by jack wills (Member # 521) on :
I'll be a monkey's uncle!
Huh?
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on :
"Your call is very important to us."
Yeah, if it was, I'd be talking to a live human.
Posted by Jon Butterworth (Member # 227) on :
"Special, 10% off XXXX ... THIS WEEK ONLY!" .... they finaly had me repaint it 3 years later!!!!!
Don't know if you have the same in USA, but here in OZ there is a Discount Carpet chain "Rugs a Million" who advertise just about every week Massive Discount Stock Clearance Sales. 60%, 70% and even 80% off retail prices this weekend only. I ask you .... how much mark-up do they start with?
Posted by Joe Cieslowski (Member # 2429) on :
"Come on in and SAVE!!!!!!"
Don't they mean....."Come on in and SPEND!!!" ?
joe,
Makin Chips and Havin Fun!
Posted by Graham Parsons (Member # 1129) on :
"Holds up to ten pounds and more!"
Remember the 'duzzit' handy hanger on TV ads - well which is it, "up to ten pounds" or "more" - it can't be both!
Posted by Nevman (Member # 332) on :
"I can't wait"
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on :
A company around here used to have the slogan:
"We specialize in everything."
I think their last specialty was going out of business.
Posted by bruce ward (Member # 1289) on :
furniture companies closing their doors forever....for the 10th time this year
car dealerships are overstocked....(again)they need to fire the person in charge of ordering!
all calls are recorded for training purposes...uh, huh. these calls are deleted in case the company screws up.
lifetime free warranty....company wont be here in 6 months
Posted by bruce ward (Member # 1289) on :
oh I forgot one
limited lifetime warranty.....limited to anything that happens to the product and whatever that is will NOT be covered
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
Time will tell all!
Posted by Ian Stewart-Koster (Member # 3500) on :
at a museum: "Bakehouse Remains"
(actually, the bakehouse does NOT remain, just a few bricks) I guess the word should have been 'remnants' instead of 'remains'.
Posted by Ian Stewart-Koster (Member # 3500) on :
"Bargain of a Lifetime..."
I think not.
Posted by Russ McMullin (Member # 5617) on :
"Our loss is your gain"
"Free with purchase of..."
Posted by Joey Madden (Member # 1192) on :
when was the last time you used or heard:
" I guarantee all my work "
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
LOL....great ones people!!
How about these:
" You have my word..." (I'll screw you)
"Let's shake on it..."(you naive sap)
"It's like new...." (since I filled it with bondo and had it painted at Maaco)
"It's barely been used...." (since the transmission went out.)
"Nice meeting you..." (now excuse me while I go wash my hands and barf)
"Great job!....." (horrible job-wish I'd have done it myself.)
"Is that the lowest price you'll take....?" (because I'm a cheapskate and I'm hoping to take advantage of you)
"we'll send someone over tomorrow between 8am and noon...." (but you won't really see them till the day after tomorrow between noon and 5pm.)
"Nice place you have here...." (I'll be back this weekend to rob you while you're up north at the cabin)
"Nice place you have here..." (ughhh....what a dump)
"Guaranteed next day delivery or it's free..." (unless we lose it in transit or are delayed by weather, traffic, flat tires....)
"Honestly...." (I'm lying)
"Trust me...." (I'm going to screw you)
Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on :
quote: " I guarantee all my work "
for as long as you see my smiling face in your rearview mirror!
Posted by Joey Madden (Member # 1192) on :
a bell should go off in your head when you see one of these on someone's business card Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on :
yes indeed it does....i usually try to sneak in a dot for the eye too.
Posted by Michael Gene Adkins (Member # 882) on :
My favorite customer line:
"You can trust me, I'm a preacher."
you can use your imagination for what usually follows.
Posted by George Perkins (Member # 156) on :
Whenever I hear oxymoron, I always think of "military intelligence".
Posted by jack wills (Member # 521) on :
The Fish thing reminds me of a bomb... Just my impression that's all.
I was brought up Foursquare.
Jack
Posted by karen m stanley (Member # 7178) on :
"Free with donation" K
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
No Sir.... I am not about to turn your life into trouble but only help you in gaining!
I will trust you if you trust me!
Posted by Russ McMullin (Member # 5617) on :
"I love her/him to death, BUT...(insert reason for not actually loving that person very much)
Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
The ultimate marketing oxymoron...
You buy a new car and your mailbox gets flooded for the next year with junk mail from all the dealerships within 100 miles of your house...wanting you to buy a new car...which you JUST DID!!!!!!
DUH!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Russ McMullin (Member # 5617) on :
It's interesting how these companies are trying to distance themselves from the words that define them:
"It's waaaay better than fast food. It's Wendy's".
"Weight Watchers works because it's not a diet". Hmmm. You have an allotment of points you keep track of. Once they're gone, you're done eating. Sounds like a diet to me.
"VitaminWater" Yeah right. A bottle of Vitaminwater has 32.5 grams of sugar, and a can of Coke has 39. "FructoseWater" would be a more accurate name for it.
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
Russ these are so true.
But we as Graphic Artist, use the same lines over and over.... To assure our customers.
Sorry did I just repeat myself?
[ July 20, 2008, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: Stephen Deveau ]
Posted by Joey Madden (Member # 1192) on :
Stephen, Graphic is when a person lands on pavement after jumping out of a window 39 stories high.
Graphics is what artwork is sometimes called.
A graphic designer is what you would call a serial killer not an artist
Posted by bruce ward (Member # 1289) on :
oh good one joey, how did I forgot the "fish" or a bible verse near their company name. once again if you have to go out of your way to prove it, your NOT!
Posted by Jillbeans (Member # 1912) on :
"Sure I can email you that file!" (a low-rez postage-stamp sized jpg when you asked for an .ai from their "designer")
"That looks great!" (emails back saying their wife hates it)
"But I requested Burgundy!" (sign is maroon)
"We need this by tomorrow" (sign sits in the shop for two weeks afterwards)
"I forgot my checkbook" (But they remembered to pick up their sign)
That's about the best I can do. Love....Jill
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on :
Hamburger steak
Uncontested divorce
Country music
Posted by thom miller (Member # 1845) on :
The never ending use of the word "community" The gay community, the evangelical community, the scientific community, the sign painting community...(oops,did I offend?)...but the winner is "the world community" as used in opposition to Iran's nuclear program. Shouldn't that term be used against Neptunes' nuclear program?
Posted by Anne McDonald (Member # 6842) on :
One of our technicians will call you right back
From a car dealership here, "The only catch is on the bonnet, Conditions Apply" eh?
Posted by Jane Diaz (Member # 595) on :
When we go to the post office, why do we need INSURANCE to make sure our package gets where it's suppose to go?! If I DON'T get insurance, does that mean you're going to kick my package across the room into a corner? Ask Tom Durham about the insurance that he is offering? Posted by Terry Baird (Member # 3495) on :
Give me a good deal on this one and I'll guarantee you.....fill in the blank.
Posted by Jon Jantz (Member # 6137) on :
Jane, that's a good one. I've thought of that before too... guess I need to offer insurance when I'm selling a sign. Tell the customer if they pay me an extra $100, I'll make sure I do their sign like I should have done it in the first place... I'll be extra careful to use the proper color and double-check my spelling.
[ July 21, 2008, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: Jon Jantz ]
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
How far do you have to go? In order to get to the end of the Line?
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on :
"Is that the best you can do?"
I love (and now use effectively) a response I first heard here:
"No, you're right. I can do much better than that. Add a hundred dollars to the price."
Posted by Donna in BC (Member # 130) on :
Absolutely none of these offend me from those I know well. But from those I don't, it's abit fruitless...
"Say hello from me!" (don't you also have their number?)
"How are you?" "Fine." guess that's that huh?
"You look tired."
work related:
"It's crooked/spelled wrong." "That part's free." next
ahhhhh Posted by Jillbeans (Member # 1912) on :
One phrase I have always hated is when someone prefaces what they are about to say: "Let me ask you this;" Puts me on the defensive immediately because it makes them sound like a lawyer. Love....Jill
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on :
"Truth be told..."
I kinda hoped they were telling it to me straight all along!
Posted by Marty Happy (Member # 302) on :
"Same difference"
Posted by jack wills (Member # 521) on :
This one is the grand poobah....
"I want to help you" OR "I can really help you" OR... "You need my help"
Yeah, is it raining in here, or did did someone pyss on my leg?
Jack
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
Go to the doctors office.... and the first thing they will ask! " How are you feeling?"
Your reply Is 'Good, Thank You!'
So why in the name of, are you there for?
Posted by William Holohan (Member # 2514) on :
Years ago Doctor Pets had a line about all thier pets being "100% Guaranteed". Big 8 1/2 inch by 14 inch official looking guarantee certificate with any pet purchased over $100. Read the entire thing carefully and the "Guarantee" was that the dog, bird, snake or whatever would forever remain a dog, bird, snake or whatever....even when it died. Not an oxymoron, but typical retail bull****e...
Posted by Anne McDonald (Member # 6842) on :
Modern day Oxymoron
"Do you have the time?" Answer "Sorry but I don't have my phone"
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