Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions: "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?"
Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity
Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The crick
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sundress Iced sweet tea with mint
Southern women know every body's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football
Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with Ruth's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food More Suthen-ism's: Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them..............
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess.".....................
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of yonder."..............
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."........................
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table...............
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the >term, but they know the concept well......................
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that"just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,... and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related even if only by marriage.
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea"and"sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it --I do not like my tea sweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" .. and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads, "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been!
*If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.
Posted by Mark Tucker (Member # 6461) on :
Posted by Raymond Chapman (Member # 361) on :
I wonder why all that sounds so familar and makes my heart warm?
The south (or southwest) is a special place, but not really a "place" at all...rather an attitude.
And if you don't like Southern attitude, then Delta is ready when you are.
Posted by Susan Banasky (Member # 1164) on :
Eh?
Posted by Curtis hammond (Member # 2170) on :
and Southerners know this without sayin it.
American by Birth, Southern by the Grace of God.
Posted by old paint (Member # 549) on :
well i was SOUTHERN BY BIRTH(PARIS, TEX).....no wonder i left the north!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Ryan Culbertson (Member # 7560) on :
Thanks Ricky... Now the world might understand us a little better!
Posted by Jason Davie (Member # 2172) on :
An southern woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many children she has?
"All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?"
"That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard, I just yells 'LEROY!', and when I wants them all to come to dinner, I just yells 'LEROY!'"
"What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?"
"Then I calls him by his last name."
Posted by Dawud Shaheed (Member # 5719) on :
and every southerner gets ****ed off at me in traffic when I'm sitting at a light and I bang a left before the oncoming cars start rollin'...I'm a northerner livin' down south gettin impatient in line at them slow southern dunkin donuts.
Posted by Jason Davie (Member # 2172) on :
that your own fault for moving down there dawud
Posted by Dawud Shaheed (Member # 5719) on :
Yeah, but...Youre still freezin your a$$ off in Feb-March when I'm in a teeshirt in the breeze.
There's a lot of pros/cons to being a northerner down south. One of the pros being of course the weather (in the winter) But in the summer I wish I were back home. A definate CON is the sloooooooooow service. A PRO is the lower cost of living while being self employed and not relying on lower wages. Another CON is the sloooooooooow service. A PRO being there's not 20 people living on top of you/beside you/below you. A CON being...Did I mention Sloooooow service?
Also it's a little quiet down here which is good, but I go back up north quite frequently so I don't catch a southern drawl...(no offense to anyone with a southern drawl, it sounds good on you, just not me.)
Posted by Mark Tucker (Member # 6461) on :
25 ways to pizz off a yankee:
1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words as if they had two syllables.
3. When giving directions, finish with "it's right down yonder on the left." Confuses them no end!
4. Talk REAL slow, and (even when you hear them the first time) always ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell 'em "Delta's ready when you are!"
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a "Coke."
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don't have it, raise a ruckus.
9. Offer to send 'em a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle names. (e.g. Lisa Marie, John Michael, Jim Bob, etc. . . .)
11. Frequently bring up "The War of Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says the words "Civil War", always interject that "there was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all young males as "son" and young females as "little lady". Older males are called "friend" or "buddy", and older females as "honey" or "sweetie". Makes 'em CRAZY!
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words. For example: It's "Pah-kahn" not "Pee-can".
14. Put Tabasco sauce on everything. (I even like it on my pancakes!)
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well I'll be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies . . . preferably the banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba". (Or "Leroy")
18. Use the word "reckon" in a sentence and watch their reaction.
19. "Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school. Always remember (especially in Texas) it's not a "pond", it's a "tank."
20. Never simply "do" something. Always be "fixin' to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent, they do.
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations . . . Offends the devil out of 'em.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into a Amoco. Or maybe a BP."
Anyway, turn right there . . . " "You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and follow it until you see a big rooster on your left. I remember when that rooster used to be on the other side of town . . . "
24. Ask them if it's still snowing up North. Then tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend.
25. Call 'em a yankee. Works every time! (Just a joke, folks! Some of my best friends are - - - - - - - ) Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
SOUTH
With an apology to those not fortunate enough to be born and reared in this wonderful South AND I got to stay!
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a
pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! (And that stuff that you eat, with sugar in it and tastes like cake, ain't real cornbread. No self respecting southerner puts sugar in cornbread).
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of the best people in the USA!!
NORTH CAROLINA
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in North Carolina
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in North Carolina , plus a couple no one's seen before.
Squirrels will eat anything.
Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls; it bites.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.
People actually grow and eat okra.
Fixinto is one word.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There's only dinner and then there's supper.
Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.
Backards and forwards means I know everything about you.
'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
You know you're from North Carolina if: .... You measure distance in minutes. .... You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. .... You know what a 'tar heel' is. .... You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year. .... You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store. .... All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal .... You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. .... You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car. .... You know what "cow tipping" is. .... You only own four spices: salt, pepper, texas pete, and catsup. .... The local papers cover national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports. .... You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. .... You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm." .... You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas. .... You know whether another North Carolinian is from east, west, or middle North Carolina as soon as they open their mouth. .... Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World." .... You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good pinto-bean weather. .... A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example "What kinna coke you want?" .... Fried Catfish is the other white meat. .... You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from North Carolina.
Posted by Dawud Shaheed (Member # 5719) on :
aaargh...I knew it was a conspiracy.
Posted by Sue Brown (Member # 6677) on :
I lived in southern Missiouri for about 6 years, and although Missiouri is not really concidered the south, Dont tell that to those living in the ozarks.. They are southerners at heart.. There are many things i came to love when i lived there.. 1. If you are just running into town dont expect it to be a quick trip.. You have to allow enough time to visit with the shopkeepers if you dont wanna seem uppity.. If you are a female.. expect to be called by your first name by all (encluding the children with Miss in front of it.. (I was Miss Sue to one and all)
Being a women in the south. You belong to the family of women.. young and old.. you are concidered sisters to your friends..
You dont bring something in from the barn .. You tote it in..
If your a women and go to the lumber store to buy wood.. or nails.. or tools.. You can expect to be called Little Lady.. even if your 5' 9" and the saleman is 5' 6".. They don't mean it disrespectful.. Its just the way it is..
You dont live on a dirt road.. You live off the paved road.....
If it snows 2 inches expect that the schools will be closed till it melts.. because school buses cant get the kids that live off the paved roads. You can expect in a conversation with anyone.. (yeah even in line at the grocery store) to be asked if you have a church family.. (meaning where do you go to church) as that is one of the ties that binds in southern baptist country..
There are many things that are very endearing about living in that part of the country.. and alot of them you have to experiance to appreciate.
OOo and sweet tea isnt just iced tea with sugar added..like they have out here in calif.. The sugar is put in when the tea is still hot so it melts and blends lol.. yummmie.. ive not had good sweet tea since i left missouri..
Posted by Sue Brown (Member # 6677) on :
In the west when we cook something on the grill we are having a bbq.. In the south you are having a cook out. ...
And be prepared if you move to the south.. if you live on a farm your house will always be named for the orginal owners..
I lived in the Jameson Farm.. I owned it.. but everyone in town knew it as the jameson farm.. and always will..
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