Last Saturday morning when we went in early to do the morning chores we found someone had jumped the 8 foot fence and tromped a bunch of flowers before signing the front counter in felt pen grafitti. They also scattered our brochures all around just for good measure.
It was the second time that week someone had been inside the gates at night. Because of the grafitti I decided to persue it further. I called the park security who assured me they had patrolled all night and had seen nothing. THey had little else to say.
I also called the police, who came and offered me condolences but little else. I got a file number for my records.
The damage was slight and easily cleaned up... even so I was bothered by the senselessness of it. On a hunch I decided to take pictures of the grafitti and then life went on.
I was dismayed to get a call early on Sunday morning from a neighboring business... our friends had been back it seems. This time they had brought red paint and signed both counters, the doors to the clubhouse and the lockers. The flowers were much more the worse for wear too.
I called security once more, and the police too with the same result as the previous day. I added the new file number to my records. There was little anybody could do it seems. I took some more pictures and compared the signatures from the previous day's pictures... they were the same. The grafitti took much longer to clean up this time and the flowers were simply destroyed. But it was the end of our season and we would plant new ones next year.
During the day the episodes bothered me greatly and I was determined to do SOMETHING about it... even if no one else could. I was concerned that the actions of these persons were escalating and I wanted it to simply stop before the damage went any further.
I decided to camp up at the golf that night. These guys obviously weren't that bright and had nothing else important to do... they may just come back. Phoenix decided he would join me... just for fun.
We cleaned up after the golf course closed like normal... but when Janis drove away Phoenix & I were hiding in the shadows out on the course... waiting for what might possibly come. It was a wonderful night to be out under the stars.
Midnight came and went... one o'clock..... two o'clock.... I thought maybe we had wasted our time. Apparently I misjudged the intellegence of our intruder.
But 10 minutes later as we seriously considered going home we heard them approaching. They were even stupider than I had thought... They climbed the 8 foot fence and dropped into the flower bed about 30 feet from us... like they had the nights previous. We could hear them talking clearly....
"Hey look they got the grafitti off the lockers.... and the front counter too.... and the door... " they went around the back of the building to check out the last door they had marked the previous night as Phoenix & I ran silently towards them in the dark.
As we got behind them we began to YELL!!!!! GET DOWN.... GET DOWN.... GET DOWN!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE BUSTED!!! One struggled with me briefly but surprise was on our side.... They were pinned to the concrete face down and hands firmly behind their back in seconds.... absolutely terrorized. Physical abuse wasn't allowed for they were subdued, but I wanted them to very clearly understand that their actions had serious consequences...
We explained at high volume just how upset we were to see them there.... and described in great detail just what we would do to them if we EVER caught them in the vacinity again. I asked them just what they were thinking when they climbed the fence and destroyed our property... they answered that they were just out for a little fun... Continuing in TERROR MODE I asked them ARE YOU HAVING FUN NOW??????????? apparently they weren't. (But Phoenix and I were.) Although I NEVER would even dream of actually do anything of what I promised them, the two fellows obviously believed EVERY WORD I YELLED in their ears!
I explained that although their parents obviously didn't care just where they were at this time of night.... I SURE DID!!!!!!!!
They volunteered their names, addresses and phone numbers the first time I asked and spelled them out too letter by letter! ... I explained to them that while they obviously knew where my place of business was I NOW knew exactly where they lived too... and if they didn't want to see me again they had better not EVER come to our place of business again!
The police showed up a little later with the handcuffs. They did press charges against the two seventeen year olds... but I think our terrorizing of the kids will do more to turn them from a life of crime than what the judge might do... them being juveniles and all. They now understand first hand that people don't think much of their little cowardly pranks pulled off in the dark of night.
We haven't had any trouble with grafitti or people over the fence at night since.
-grampa dan
[ September 07, 2006, 01:40 AM: Message edited by: Dan Sawatzky ]
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on :
Now we know why we haven't heard from Chapman in a while.
Posted by Curtis hammond (Member # 2170) on :
hmmmmmm. in the South,, USA,, they woulda got their hair trimmed,, and their lips slightly reddened, and a few other little tidbits of good sence..
A good body slamming works too. Where do you think them cool wrassling moves come from? From Good ol' boys dropping theeves and defacers..
I love it when the bad boys get a dose..
Posted by Jon Harl (Member # 4427) on :
Your my hero.
Posted by Catharine C. Kennedy (Member # 4459) on :
GOOD for you guys!
Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
Book 'em, Dan-O!
Well done. Rapid
Posted by Neil D. Butler (Member # 661) on :
I would'nt mess with Dan, Even I was scared reading that. lol
Good for you Dan, I bet it was somewhat satisfying to have your say directly to these punks.
Posted by Deri Russell (Member # 119) on :
Good Job Grampa Dan!!! Posted by Randy Campbell (Member # 2675) on :
Good for you Dan.The school I work at got hit the weekend before it opened.The whole west side had notzie signs and rachial slurs.
Posted by Ryan E Young (Member # 2325) on :
I hear ya Charles Bronson
Posted by KARYN BUSH (Member # 1948) on :
i would have loved to be in on this one! good for you!
Posted by Rene Giroux (Member # 4980) on :
No news on the parents ??? I know I would like to hear about it if my son was ever to try something like that... You'd be getting free help to clean the whole park on a week-end, by a few kids with a swollen red ASS !!!
Posted by David Wright (Member # 111) on :
I thought this was going to be a boring topic on some graffiti removal product. Are you sure there isn't a video of this on Youtube?
Posted by Rick Sacks (Member # 379) on :
So, are they gonna be doing some re planting and landscape maintenance for you? Are they gonna be doing some sanding and painting on lockers? What restitution are you providing so they can be restored to an honorable status in your eyes and their own? Good story Grandpa D.
Posted by Donna in BC (Member # 130) on :
oh my....
and I wasn't going to tell you about going after a ball through the flowers either. Another letterhead made me do it though!!!
Congrats! Impressive story. That is what Dr. Phil would call a defining moment in one's life for those kids. They will NEVER forget getting caught.
Posted by captain ken (Member # 742) on :
another chapter in the "Granpa Dan Chronicles"
seems like something exciting is going on with you day and night! you need your own blog!
Posted by Duncan Wilkie (Member # 132) on :
Now I am worried...after that little...he, he signdog sticker incident you said that you would get even...oh cwap! I'm proud of your initiative guys...sometimes you just have to take a stand...and like Donna said, this will be a life lesson those hoods will never forget...you did them and their parents a big favour. Posted by Jon Jantz (Member # 6137) on :
Dan you should have had a third person filming the whole event. Would have scared the kids even worse and we would have paid you to see it...
Posted by Sonny Franks (Member # 588) on :
Book 'em, Danno............
Posted by bill riedel (Member # 607) on :
Dan does it again, what a man. Too bad the police can't be of more help. It seems as though you just have to do it yourself.
Posted by Kelsey Dum (Member # 6101) on :
Way to go Dan! Sometimes you have to take the law into your own hands. I know your in Canada, but I would have had guns drawn cause you never know who's packin'... even these young punk kids. I've heard of people getting shot for less.
Glad your safe!
Posted by David Harding (Member # 108) on :
Kelsey,
Ricky was on his way up to help but got stopped at the border.
Posted by John Deaton (Member # 925) on :
Boy, would I have loved to have been there to help you. You have all the fun Dan! Although you went a little easy on them. Posted by Kelsey Dum (Member # 6101) on :
Ricky is MIA huh?
Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
I am just wondering how long it took the police to show up?
Around here you can Dial 911, then Pizza Hut...guess who will arrive first!
Posted by Susan Banasky (Member # 1164) on :
Great story...great outcome.... Those kids will never forget this day.
Posted by Kelly Thorson (Member # 2958) on :
You my friend are a nut! (Perhaps we should have left the "Wall Nut" sign in front of your mural in Lodi. Hmmmmm, I wonder if Tony planned that....)
Glad it all worked out, but be careful, EH! Now you can add the hat of "Vigilante" to your collection. I'm glad that "dinner theatre" acting experience didn't go to waste. I can just see the glee in your eyes as you terrorized those kids. Posted by jake snow (Member # 5889) on :
Kickin' A## n' takin' names......and addresses...and phone numbers...(must be that attention to detail thing)
Good for you Grandpa Dan!
Posted by Checkers (Member # 63) on :
Good job Dan! But, man, these kids must be stupid! While you're at it, be sure to send the parents an invoice for the damages they caused. Perhaps you can make arrangements to have these punks work some of it off though some sort of community service.
Havin' fun,
Checkers
Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
As I approached the crime scene to help Dan, I drew my 9mm... wait, dang it they confiscated it at the border and wouldn't allow me to cross; it was an empty holster. I stood in the field only 5 yards inside the U.S. line, taunting them, calling them dirty names but to no avail; these were hardened men used to dispicable gun smugglers such as I.
Raymond had gone up the railroad track to bypass the border crossing and had probably gotten caught. I had left Shania in the car guarding my Anne Murray 8-track collection. I could see Dan and Phoenix grappling with two juveniles inside the fence; it was not a pretty sight. Dan weilded a hockey stick as Phoenix poised to bash an empty Molson bottle on the youngsters head.
Suddenly, Celine Dion screamed from inside the building next door. It was the most beautiful scream I had ever heard; perfect pitch and a slight hint of very tasteful vibrato.
I had my buddy, Stephen Harper, a Canadian national and a savy politician, on speed dial. No luck, he must be busy. I scrambled to find the phone number for the RCMP but I couldn't make out the numbers very clearly in the dark; these stupid American made phones! My only recourse was to call my mentor, Jim Carrey. "Jim, this is Ricky; I need your help" I said. "Ricky? Ricky who? and how did you get my number?" he demanded. "I got it from a porn starlett that knew Dan Akroyd but that's beside the point Bob." "My name's Jim, not Bob." "Damnit Jim! I'm a signman, not a detective!" I screamed. "Dan-O needs help and he needs it now; all the sissies at the RCMP are pressing their jackets and shining their boots." He hung up on me.
Just then, I caught a glimpse of shiny metal, reflecting the light of the pale moon overhead, the giant orb filling the night with... anyway, I caught this glimpse of shiny metal... it was Raymond! For a guy that is only 4 feet 3 inches tall; he is a giant among men. He had been in Dan's shop secretly taking pictures of the... you know what (router!). In a flash, Raymond was on them, hog tieing them as if he were in the National Finals Rodeo. Not that I was counting but he had them both in under 14 seconds.
Joey Madden was called in to determine if they had indeed used the right kind of paint to vandalize the properties with. They turned out to be total hacks, using Krylon; Joey was noticibly upset at this. Dan had to forcibly restrain him at one point. The boys were beaten to a pulp and bleeding profusely but they had learned a good, hard lesson: always use the proper kind of paint for the job and always dodge a beer bottle and a high stick whenever possible.
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
hahaha
I was laughing as I read Dan's, now I'm in tears reading Ricky's dilusion. Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
Oh! Oh! Sounds like Ricky is off his meds again!
Posted by Peter Schuttinga (Member # 2821) on :
Now in talking with the local Police, I have discovered that Dan actually omitted something from his story.....
Apperently not wanting to be regognized (just in case the culprit was Ray), Dan disguised himself in the Flapjack costume....
Imagine, you are a teenager up to no good, it is pitch black out, and you get tackled by an eight foot tall fuzzy bear with some serious attitude, pins you down with a size 26 foot, threatening your manhood with a well placed kick....
Dan, I'm glad you caught the culprits. And if they are local, the word will go out quickly, you are no man to be messed with.
Posted by Stephen Deveau (Member # 1305) on :
Ricky you old dog!
That was way to good! This Bud or Beer is for you.
Posted by Charles Borges de Oliveir (Member # 3770) on :
Dan's the man!
Posted by Ian Stewart-Koster (Member # 3500) on :
So that's the secret to painting wiggly lines- night-time adrenalin + the intention to paint straight lines!
Glad it worked out, Dan!
Posted by Kelsey Dum (Member # 6101) on :
Ricky, we need to create an animated series...guess who's writing it?!?! hahahaha... I love your imagination!!!
Posted by jimmy chatham (Member # 525) on :
in ga. we have guns & dogs
Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
I'm widja Kelsey! I absolutely love creative writing and this is a reasonably good forum too; no doubts about getting honest opinons and cheap shots on here, LOL. Dang it Jimmy, it's dawgs! ...I used to have guns, til I visited Canada.
I wrote a song about it but later thought that Dan might think I'm trying to hyjack his post so I'm posting it seperately.
[ September 08, 2006, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: Ricky Jackson ]
Posted by Barry Branscum (Member # 445) on :
Dan, Dan, DAN!! Those were LETTERHEADS, looking for a meet, and so desperate when they couldn't find one they HAD to letter somethin'!!
Is that how you treat guests??
Posted by Mike Pipes (Member # 1573) on :
Yeah, what Barry said. They were just a couple weeks late for the picnic at the ranch. Posted by Mike O'Neill (Member # 470) on :
Ricky:
quote: "Anne Murray Rocks!!! ...but I still want to see Shania nekkid one more time."
You sure as heck don't wanna see Anne Murray nekkid... (How about Ginette Reno)
[ September 09, 2006, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: Mike O'Neill ]
Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
Yeah Mike, it would be a toss up between Anne Murray and Bill Murray, LOL. Janet Reno?? OMG, I shutter at the thought. I think that she was so ugly as a child that her parents really did hang a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.
...focus on Shania, focus on Shania, focus on Shania, focus on Shania, focus on Shania. I feel better now.
Posted by Mike O'Neill (Member # 470) on :
No (shudder) not Janet Reno
Ginette Reno (singer) this is about 15 year old photo, she's just a tad heavier now
current
... Hope I didn't break your Shania mantra...
[ September 09, 2006, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: Mike O'Neill ]
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
Dan - you sent them away without sticking a summer squash up the vandels butts?!
Oh man...you only had half as much fun as you could've.
I hope you 'accidentally' rubbed their cheeks on the concrete a little - at the very least.
Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
LOL, Mike I thought you were just a bad speller. Todd Dan called me and told me secretly that he gave the boys a wedgie, a redbelly and an indian rope burn.
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
Ok...I gotta ask Ricky....
I know what a Wedgie is....but I've never heard of a 'redbelly' nor 'indian rope burn.'
Can you describe those two for me? I may want to use them some day....hehehee.
Posted by Mike O'Neill (Member # 470) on :
Ohh c'mon Todd ... everyone knows what 'redbelly' and 'indian rope burns are. You've obviously had a deprived (or depraved? ) childhood.
Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
Well Todd, you probably don't recognize these forms of barbaric torture because they were a closely guarded secret known only to a few high-level government operatives in the spycraft trade. They were banned by the Geneva convention in 1949 but still used by Al Queda, El Quesadilla (the Mexican terrorist network), Canadian customs officials and a few professional wrestlers. Therefore, I'm going to reveal the secrets of these excruciating torture tactics only because I trust that you are a man of integrity and would only use this for informational purposes only. I beg you, never use these tactics on another living creature.
A redbelly is where you immobilize the victim and smack his naked belly with your hand. This is done continuously for several seconds, resulting in the flesh turning red. An indian rope burn is where you grab your victims arm with both hands, twisting the flesh in opposing directions at the same time, leaving the flesh reddened.
As hideous as it sounds, these rarely leave any lasting physical damage but the psychological damage, never having been fully quantified, is believed to last a lifetime.
Posted by Adrienne Morgan (Member # 1046) on :
OMG!!!! I can picture the whole thing....Dan you ROCK!!!! If only you had video.....!!! A:)
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