Yep I'm single and it's probably because I laugh at stuff like this.
1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me. 2. The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too, I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
3. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover.
4. Bar food again! Kick ***.
5. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
6. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
7. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
8. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want'em?
9. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.
10. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ***.
11. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends.
12. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
13. Damn! I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and beer.
14. You are so much smarter than my father.
15. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.
16. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
17. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.
18. You're so sexy when you're hung over.
19. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
20. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
21. I'll be out painting the house.
22. I love it when you ride your Harley, I just wish you had more time to ride.
23. Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
24. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
25. Your mother is way better than mine.
26. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.
27. Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire.
28. You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings.
29. Look! My *** is fatter than yours!
30. Let's get rid of my friends and keep all of yours.
Posted by Jane Diaz (Member # 595) on :
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House" in French is feminine: "la maison." "Pencil" in French is masculine: "le crayon." One puzzled student asked, "What gender is the word computer? The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So, for fun she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computer") because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that "computer" should be masculine ('le computer") because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won. Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
Funny stuff Mike and Jane.
Posted by Cam Bortz (Member # 55) on :
Deb occasionally invites people from the office home to dinner, but so far, not the former New England Patriots Cheerleader who now works in investments. Pity. Posted by Joey Madden (Member # 1192) on :
Top ten things Men know "FOR SURE" about woman
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10. They have boobs.
Posted by Jonathan Androsky (Member # 2806) on :
Joey is a comedic GENIUS!
Posted by Joey Madden (Member # 1192) on :
Not really jon, just a pinstriper Posted by Michael R. Bendel (Member # 5847) on :
11... they will gladly fill in 1 thru 9 for you! 12.. look... BOOBS!
Like Foxworthy says... If a girl asks what you're thinkin' about, the answer's always the same... I want a beer & I wanna see somethin' naked. Posted by Rick Whitmire (Member # 3443) on :
I think it was WC Fields who said about wemon and children.... You can't live with them and you can' live with them....but we love them.
Posted by Michael R. Bendel (Member # 5847) on :
No....W.C. Fiellds said... "I love kids....... hard boiled!!!"
Posted by Deb Fowler (Member # 1039) on :
My eldest son always tries to look on the brightly cynical side of life. That's why he brought a Jeff Foxworthy dvd over to cheer us up, tongue in cheek, (Friday). (no wonder why he's never been married!)aha.
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