Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak - the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls.
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch ,in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Posted by John Duckett (Member # 4505) on :
These are too funny! Thanks for sharing. Having a 4 year old, we've had some moments, thankfully not this bad.
Posted by Jill Marie Welsh (Member # 1912) on :
At the hardware store, when the Lance man came in....he asked me to check his nuts! He was referring to his hot-n-spicy peanuts of course, but he really made me do a double take. He also sells Honey Buns. Love....Jill
Posted by Laura Butler (Member # 1830) on :
I'm going to pass but let me say, I have said 2 similiar things that could compete...one being just last week.
Posted by Chuck Churchill (Member # 68) on :
Just before Christmas I acquired a 8' tall inflatible snowman with arms stetched out. Brought it to the shop and we decided to set it up in our front window as a Christmas decoration for the motorists on the busy street to enjoy.
I enlisted the help of our 20 year old female employee in this inflation. We were having great fun with it and the she questioned if it was a snow boy or a snow girl. I started to say that it must be a snow girl because if it was a snow boy it would have a couple of snow balls.... I turned around and she was beet red and giggling like crazy! She was thinking anatonmy while I was going to add ....because little boys would have there arms up like that ready to throw them.
Posted by Roland Pinan (Member # 2724) on :
I went to the paint store a while back and had the girl mix a couple gallons for me. She's a real nice good looking woman. She said "You wanna box?" I said " No, but I'll wrestle with you." She turned five shades of red.
edit... this goddinfla on Roland's computer
[ February 08, 2006, 11:10 AM: Message edited by: Roland Pinan ]
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
Those are great Troy . . . 'specially the little boy at Taco Bell.
I have been VERY particular for many years now about asking specifically for 'finials' or 'pediments' for post finishes.
My first attempt at communicating this request was walkin' into a lumber supply , which of course, happened to be full of men employees and customers . . .
"Do you have any of those balls? . . . " as I approached the counter and held my hands up creating a circle . . . the whole place erupted in laughter, just before I could say '...for post tops', while I turned beet-red.
The guy behind the counter said: "I like to think we do . . ."
That's a real ice-breaker, huh . . . lol
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
About 12 years ago....I was at a company golf outing . I'm not a golfer and my form is terrible.
Well, every time I teed off, the ball would go skimming along the grass instead of launching nicely into the air.
Finally, after another tee where I hit a "worm-burner"....I yelled, "Jeez! I can never get it up!"
The guys in my group roared with laughter and made fun of me the rest of the day.
![[Rolling On The Floor]](graemlins/rolf.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)