Here are a few 'what were they thinking' from the last couple of weeks: 1. Voice mail on my home phone, "Ah Dawn, we had a 9:30 a.m. meeting. It is now 9:32 a.m. . . . " I was pulling into the parking lot as he was leaving this message. 2. Discussing with a client which day to install his boat name. He casually mentions a painter. I asked him what he would be painting and he replied the entire boat. I said we couldn't schedule the name installation until the painting is completed and had time to cure. He says with incredulity, "Oh, I thought he could just paint around the name." 3. Client made a final decision on his boat name, 'Bonita' had a graphic of a mexican lady with a sombrero. He later calls me and wants to change to it to a mexican mermaid with a sombrero. I explain that I could work on that and there would be an additional design fee, he replied, "Extra design fee? You just take the sombrero from this graphic and stick it on the mermaid I saw in your book. How difficult is that?" Do you have any gems we can smile at?
Posted by Ray Rheaume (Member # 3794) on :
Tueday morning initial meeting....
Customer: I would like an illuminated sign, 4X8 ft, mounted on the existing (28 year old) wooden posts.
Me: The posts won't be safe.
Customer: What would you suggest?
Me: Let me work out a few ideas and I can quote you after the weekend. What are you calling the place?
Customer: We don't know yet. We'll know Thursday.
Me: ???????????????????????? Fine. See you Thursday.
Thursday morning meeting....
Me: Got the name?
Customer: Yes. We are opening next Friday.
Me: I have other work scheduled and can't make it by then.
Customer: What can we do?
Me: A couple of 2X6" banners will buy you some time for the better sign.
Customer: OK.
Pick up the banners on the way to Mass Mayhem at my suppliers.
Monday afternoon...banners are done and I go see Star Wars. Monday night...customer calls and leaves message with Celeste... "Looking for banners and is very upset. Will be opening tomorrow (Tuesday)."
Me: What happened to Friday?
Tuesday morning 7 AM....up they go. No prob.
3 hours later... Customer leaves answering machine message.... "You said they would be 4X8 ft banners. I want them immediately! I am open today!
20 minutes later I rang his doorbell and fired him. Rapid
Posted by Dave Grundy (Member # 103) on :
Regular, long time customer is moving to a new location. He asks me how much it will cost to take down the original 4'x8' backlit sign faces I did for him and install them in the existing box at his new location.
I told him that I'd rather go check out the new location's existing sign first. Which I did.
Called him up to let him know it would be around $1800 to do the swap. He damn near pooped his pants!
BUT.....That was a bargain because it included paying a sub contractor to swap the faces with a boom truck.
AND..... also covered the cost of supplying new faces since his old 4'x8' faces wouldn't last very long swinging around in a 5'x10' box!!!
He was annoyed but what could he do?
I guess his old sign that is only 12' off the ground looked the same size to him as the new one that is 25' off the ground.
[ June 15, 2005, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: Dave Grundy ]
Posted by Patrick Whatley (Member # 2008) on :
They vinyl end of our business is called Signs In Seconds. EVERY Thursday and Friday I get this conversation...
Genius: Hey, we forgot all about the signs we've got to have tomorrow. I'll drop them off this afternoon so the guys can pick them up first thing in the morning.
Me: Sorry, there's no way I can work them in with what I've got ahead of them.
Genius: But your name says you can do them in a second.
Me: No, the name says SECONDS, thats plural. Plural means I can add a bunch of them together, you can have yours in about 10,000 seconds
Posted by Dave Grundy (Member # 103) on :
A couple of good ones from a recent customer..First aimed at me and the other aimed at one of his customers.
I had called him to tell him that the rolls of 4" striping had FINALLY arrived by courier at 11am and that I could start doing the job right after lunch.
He.."Great! will you be able to finish it all today?"
Me.."I don't know, depends how it goes, sometimes things flow smooth and sometimes they don't. I might have to finish up tomorrow morning"
He.."HEY...WE DO HAVE ELECTRICITY AND LIGHTS HERE YA KNOW! You can work after dark if ya need to!" (he was jerking me around and we both knew it)
While I was working on the truck I overheard him on the phone with one of his customers, who obviously wanted THEIR truck finished in a hurry. I only heard his side of the conversation...
Him..."Well YEAH!!! We can walk on water too...but it has to be frozen and this is the friggin middle of June!!!!!" Posted by Dawn Ellis (Member # 3529) on :
Aah, I'm smiling. Good to feel I'm not alone!
Posted by Mark Matyjakowski (Member # 294) on :
OK, not a story of a client ... more like I'm the client. But as long as we are on the subject of idiots on the phone ...
On Memorial day I purchased a new gas grill from Home Depot. The one I wanted wasn't in stock but the computer said it would be in on that evenings truck. Sale is that day only so I pay for it and get my pickup reciept. Call them Tuesday ... wasn't on truck. Call Wednesday ... nope. Thursday I ask if they can check other locations to see if it's in stock in the area ... they want one more day. Friday too busy to think about it.
Saturday while I'm rough framing my deck they call me bitching about why I haven't picked up my grill yet ... (HD) we want to scheduel a time to pick it up ... (ME) oh, it finally came in? ... (HD) no, we have no conformation of that. (ME) how the *&$% am I supposed to pick up a grill that isn't there?
got my money back and got the grill elsewhere
Posted by Scott Telfer (Member # 3949) on :
Hey Dawn...How are you doing..
Heres one for you..
Me.."Good morning sir how can I help you"
Customer.."I need a price for some signs for my shop windows"
Me.."How big are your windows"
Customer.."Very Big"
Me.." Ok ..how big do you need the signs to be"
Customer.."As big as possible"
Me.. smiling "Ok how about 8ft X 2ft"
Customer.. "Oh no no ..too big"
Me.. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ...go away"
Posted by Jeff Spradling (Member # 1615) on :
Good post Dawn...
C: I need some decals made...you do that?
Me: Yes...what size ya need?
C: Business size.
Me: Business size?
C: Yes...ya know business sized (with the duh attitude) ya do them???
Me: Well ya mean Chrysler business sized (we have a Chrysler plant in our town) or Subway business sized!?!?!?
C: Ya know like the size that will fit in your billfold.
Me: Oh...you mean business card sized?
C: Yes...ya do them or not!?!?!?
I wanted to say NO we don’t do them that big...but I was in a “nice” mood.
* * * * * * *
C: How much to take some lettering off?
Me: Depends...how much and is it paint or vinyl?
C: WELL you lettered it!!!
Me: OOOOKKKKAAAAA...Who is this?
C: (tells me who) How much ya think?
Me: (I’m confused... a little less than a month ago his truck was wrecked and we re-lettered part of one side)...you’re looking at $100-$150. (vinyl on a Ranger)
C: WOW...can that be used over again?
Me: Nooooo when it comes off it’s junk.
C: Is it gonna cost me the same as before to re-letter it?
Me: (confused again) Yes you’d be looking at the same amount.
C: Well that sucks...I’m going on vacation but I don’t want my name on my truck.
Me: Well I’ve seen people cover up their lettering with poster board and duct tape.
C: Really!?!?!?
Get away from me!!!
Jeff Posted by Jill Marie Welsh (Member # 1912) on :
C:"Why are there little brush marks in the letters?"
M:"Because I PAINTED them!"
Love....Jill
Posted by John Smith (Member # 1308) on :
While in GA, my Watson Real Estate friend calls me and says she has a sign she wants me to make 4 more just like it with different phone numbers. I say drop it off by the shop. She says she can't, the sign is on the property. I have done several 4x4s and 4x8s, etc. for them in the past. The property is about 20 miles away, I get my camera and go look at it.... it is a 18x24 COROPLAST sign on wire .... DUH.... I take my pics, go to her office, she has a STACK of them on the floor in the corner of her office !!! But, Mr. Watson was a very good client over the years and I just let it roll off I mean, really, what can ya do??
Posted by Suelynn Sedor (Member # 442) on :
I had a customer call that was having trouble coming up with a logo (she was the secretary at an oilfield supply place). I explained the importance of consistent identity and how much a logo package was. She thought for a minute and then asked how much it would be if she came to my office and I showed HER how to use MY sign software so she could design it herself! huh????
Posted by Chuck Peterson (Member # 70) on :
I was away from the shop one day for maybe four hours. When I got back there were three messages in a row from a man I had never heard from before. Message #1: Mr. Peterson, this is so and so, I need to talk to you about a sign, please call me..... Message #2: Mr. Peterson, I am patiently waiting for your call...... Message #3: Mr. Peterson, go to hell.
Posted by Jerry Starpoli (Member # 1559) on :
This is the best... I am still laughing!!! Thanks Chuck!!
"I was away from the shop one day for maybe four hours. When I got back there were three messages in a row from a man I had never heard from before. Message #1: Mr. Peterson, this is so and so, I need to talk to you about a sign, please call me..... Message #2: Mr. Peterson, I am patiently waiting for your call...... Message #3: Mr. Peterson, go to hell"
Posted by Del Badry (Member # 114) on :
A very frequent conversation thru the winter around here is a customer asking me if they need to put there vehicle inside to stripe (even if temp was under -20)... my usual answer was no thats find. we'll just use pop rivets on the ends... that;ll make them hold.... Posted by Jerry Starpoli (Member # 1559) on :
This is the best... I am still laughing!!! Thanks Chuck!!
"I was away from the shop one day for maybe four hours. When I got back there were three messages in a row from a man I had never heard from before. Message #1: Mr. Peterson, this is so and so, I need to talk to you about a sign, please call me..... Message #2: Mr. Peterson, I am patiently waiting for your call...... Message #3: Mr. Peterson, go to hell"
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
LOLOLOL.
~~~~Chain~chain~~~CHAAaaaaaaaaain~~~
What is UP with people (ESPECIALLY whom you don't know/have never met) who leave messages with NO return number?? And they also have private numbers so caller ID does'nt show a name/number, but I really don't care if it is ON caller ID. THEY SHOULD FULL NAME & NUMBER ON THE MACHINE.
"Hey. This is Mike. I need a sign. Call me." *click*
That's all the clues you get Sherlock.
Who am I 'sposed to be? Jean Dixion?
Why do they seem to always have common first names too...Mike-John-bubba-Tom-Ed.
I abhor rude people who assume.
The music on my answering machine is: Chicago's 'Does anybody really know what time it is?'
Mabey it should be be:
'Does anybody really know what my full name is? Does anybody really care?'
'Does anybody really need to leave a number? . . .'
'Does anybody really want to their call returned?...'
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
I love the messages where they're calling from a cell phone, can't hold the phone to their mouth and can't enuniciate. After listening to it a few times all you know is that someone with a first name (no idea what) who has access to a telephone needs something (no idea what) and their telephone number has a 7 in it. Posted by Brian Diver (Member # 1552) on :
You get these bozo's calling all the time to.
"How much is a banner?" "How much is a sign?"
A few times when I'm in the mood I'll ask them "How much is a hamburger? Or a New car?" Or I'll say "$10,000"
You don't even have to see their face, you get that pause and you know they've got this "Deer in the headlights look" on their faces and them saying to themselves - "What does the cost of a hamburger have to do with my banner?" Posted by Ricky Jackson (Member # 5082) on :
One of the best moron stories was told to me by Dusty Yaxley at a carving class. He gets a call from a realtor asking about signs. Dusty tells them "I only do hand-carved, gold-leafed signs". The moron tells him "ok, whatever, come see me." Dusty gets there, flips thru his portfolio, puttin' the pitch on them. The moron leads him to the door where he points out that he wants the name on the door in vinyl lettering. Dusty sits down, pulls out his pad and pen and asks what copy they want. The moron says something like "Jackie Jones Realty..." Dusty pops out of the chair, slams his book closed and heads for the door. He turns around as he is about to exit and says "Sorry, I dont' do "J's".
Posted by Mike Pipes (Member # 1573) on :
Dang I wonder if that Chinese dude kisses his mother with that mouth??
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
Ricky, that's priceless.
Posted by Gary Hove (Member # 4970) on :
My favorite, I get this call from one of the local employees of the town. c."hey we are having a design contest for signs for our new walking trail. Since we like your work you have won" Me. " I did not enter any contest, but if you want designs there will be a fee" c. " well how about you design something for us and enter" Me. " will I get the sign work if I do?" c. " no, we have to spread the work around town, but we like your designs" Me. CLICK, I think I broke the phone when I hung up. I won..... yea but I was not born yesterday.
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
A coupl'a others:
Cuss~tomer: "We want a sign to match the logo on our business card so can you come by our office to look at our business card???"
Me: "Naw sorry . . . but HEY! I got an idea . . .what a~~bout . . . . YOU can bring it HERE, or even better, YOU can FAX it . . ."
~Did a 13'x20' bill board for the late Mr. Stevens, a wonderful & funny, but cantankerous, old Greek guy who owned a great BBQ joint here. (Still-family-operated by his wife and sons)
After spending a coupl'a hours looking at the site, discussing the sign, and shootin'-the-bull, he had promised me that the already thick, tall (2-3ft of feild mess) would be cut in that area before we installed, but when we arrived a coupl'a weeks later with truck & trailer loaded and hands ready, we just had to machete it, which made me a tad mad . . .
So he came out to the site, but I bit my tongue and only commented that I had thought he was gonna have a chance to cut it.
He starts ravin' about 'WHY was it so important to have it cut anyway??'. . . then starts cussin' me when I explained that we wanted the grass cut away in order to use a string level... and not to mention being able to drive out there, AND to easily see tools, snakes, and reduce chiggers, ticks and skeeters, etc etc etc...
His ridiculous gripin' reply, yelled at me in true-Greek fashion, with flying hands, was:
"YOU DON' NED TO COT ******* GRRLESS! ET DON' METTER HOW ET'S DON', OR HOW'S GON' TO LOK!!. . ."
Tryin' not to laugh, I (casually...calmly?) YELLED BACK;
"HEY! If you did'nt care how it's DONE or how it's gonna LOOK, you shudda done it YOURSELF!!"
All the time my hand was just doubled over laughing at the cliched 'two Greeks arguing'...
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