Okay, so here's the situation. My husband is gonna get a bone marrow transplant in a couple of months. Even thought I'm sure that he;s gonna make it through, I feel very quilty working like I have been. I feel as though I should spend as much time as I can with him, but I still feel this committment to my regular customers. It's really trying on a person. I would feel like a piece of sh---- if he didn't make it through and all I did was work throughout his treatment.But on the other hand, it's hard to kinda walk away from something, my craft, that I have been working on for 20 years. Even if it's for a short time. At this time in my life, I don't even pick up the phone. People ( My Customers) must think I'm a real nut case or just one of those people that you can get a hold of. But that's just the way it's gotta be for a while. Well that's it for now, I just had to let a few things out.
Posted by Dana Bowers (Member # 780) on :
You know something, people are pretty understanding and will cut you alot of slack when they know you need it.
Letting them know, even if briefly, may even draw them closer to your business.
The ones that get snarky or blow you off, heck, they're not the people you wanna have as customers anyways.
You do what you need to do for you. Everything will work out.
Posted by Jeff Ogden (Member # 3184) on :
Alicia...
Here's a couple of thoughts on the matter...
You don't say how many hours you are working a week, but maybe it would make you feel better to slightly scale things back, so you have an extra day or two in the week to spend with your husband. Just don't look at it like back & white, either or scenarios...you can compromise a little and do both.
If you do that, maybe you guys could focus on some quality time...do something together that you both enjoy or have been wanting to do but haven't got around to yet.
Believe me, your customers will be very understanding of any time you take off right now.
Posted by Bob Rochon (Member # 30) on :
Alicia,
Having just gone through a similar situation with my father, I can relate, this will effect your concentration much more than you think it will. I didn't tell every customer I was working with and I wish I had. I did tell most of my close customers and they all understood. One customer I didn't tell and tried to make it appeat that it wasn't happening thought some really odd things about not being able to get ahold of me and not returning phone calls as usual. He became irate and he had every right to. Once I filled him in he was fine.
I recommend being upfront wit your customers, they will be some of the best support you will have.
Posted by Jim Upchurch (Member # 209) on :
Maybe you could have a message on the answering machine that says you're doing business as usual but due to family health issues you can't take the call but will return it as soon as possible?
My brother died when I was very busy and it was rough to get through but somehow I faked it well enough. Most people have some family history they can relate to so a brief message would be better than nothing if you don't want to allienate anyone.
Posted by Myra Grozinger (Member # 327) on :
It is best to simply tell people what is going on and to ask for understanding. Just like the others are saying. If you get it, good. If you don't, do what you must do to keep your head above water.
Last year, while my brother who lived in my town was dying - my siblings and my mother came and stayed with me, this went on for many months, because they came from Germany and stayed for weeks. I was severely taxed and stressed from all of that.(I work from my house, and I am one of seven children).
I lke Jim's message on the phone idea. I have found the more up front I am with my customers when I have a personal difficult situation, the more they care about me coming through intact.
Posted by Myra Grozinger (Member # 327) on :
It popped into my head just now that I did not even express how sad I feel for both of you, and am sorry you have to go through such trying times.
Unless you are "gnawing at the cloth of hunger" (German expression for being very broke) no matter how this ends up you will be happy to have spent time together, and let the rest take care of itself. That time together is your best investment in your emotional future and well-being I think.
I have found that somehow if I cannot tend to everything,life has a way of sorting out priorities for me, and when my energy and attention returns, so do the jobs.
Keep us informed, please.
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
Alicia,
I can totally identify with the dilemma . . .
AND...I can totally identify with wanting to use work as a way to 'detatch' yourself from the pain & suffering of a loved one . . . .
But to share a little . . .
October 16, 2003...my dad went in the hostital here in town. I went to every ICU visit during the day working in between... When he was moved to a regular room I was there every morning and every evening and spent the night, working during the middle of the day, I was still working AND dealing with my 10 year old etc....
But after he fell in the hospital, he had to be moved 90 miles away to Birmingham, I moved up there too and stayed in a hotel on the hospital campus.
My brother stayed the first week and I went home for 2 1/2 days and ran like crazy getting some of my Dad's business done, run home coat a panel, run and deal with his house and mine, slap some vinyl, write invoices and called customers to pick up their signs left for them on the porch . . .
But after I went back to Birmingham, my brother left and I did not leave again for 25 more days...until my Dad died.
Relatives WANTED to, and did adopt my child the entire time . . .I never had to worry about her needs once.
Then, there was the week of funeral and family coming in . . .
I did no work.
Then everyone was gone and there was a house full of 40 years that someone had to deal with and get empty and prepared to sell.
I was emotionally and physically unable to work.
So I took another 3 months of not working to deal with the paperwork and the house...it was actually August before I REALLY got back to turning out a significant amount of work...altogether I missed over 6 full months of work over a 9 month period...
Alicia, during the entire month in Birmingham I checked my answering machine daily and returned calls explaining where I was and why...and guess what girl....
Almost every single one said, "Take your time ...we'll be here." And guess what else, even MORE significant?
A BUNCH of these fine business people had been through the same kind of thing: A dying parent...a loved one with cancer...a child laying dying from a bad car wreck...even fighting cancer themselves...
I was so SO humbled by the circumstances they shared with me...and more by the out-pouring of love, compassion, and genuine concern that I BE with my father as much as the hospital would allow, AND they understood totally the enormous amount of time and emotional difficulties of dealing with the after-math.
Your GOING to have to take time off IF he passes away to deal with that event and all the time consuming events that surround it...AND if you don't face it THEN, eventually...your emotions WILL come out somewhere . . .sometime . . .
And if he lives?? THEN, life goes on . . .
Alicia...I don't regret one missed job and all the signs I did not get done . . . (almost everyone waited for me and I'm STILL catchin' up!!)
BUT...I am VERY, VERY thankful for all the times I got to spend with my Daddy ...all those mornings I took off before he ever got sick and hung out at his favorite breakfast joint and ate with him...
All the evenings I took off early to go cook and have supper with him and watch his favorite shows with him . . .
And all the time I spent with him in his very last days in the hospital..even if he probably did'nt know I was there, I needed to know. . . .
I have no regrets... while my life goes on with these mundane signs . . . .
[ March 12, 2005, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: Sheila Ferrell ]
Posted by Kelly Thorson (Member # 2958) on :
Alicia,
This must be a very emotional time for you. Make your family your priority right now, you can probably live with loosing a few customers. Life is precious, use it wisely.
Put a message on your answering machine to the effect of: "Due to a close family member's (my husband's)illness I have had to rearrange my priorities temporarily. For the months of March and April business hours will be scaled down to (...). I value your business and hope this doesn't inconvenience you too much. Thank you for your anticipated support."
I think you will be amazed at how your customers rally around you.
Good luck.
Posted by Curtis hammond (Member # 2170) on :
I wish you and your hubby the best.
You have to be strong in your personal life in order to be strong enough to care for his needs. Your not going anywhere. Going to work is not abandonment in any way..
My wife went through this same moral dilema a while ago. I knew she was struggling so I told her just that. Her strength that way lifted great stress and gave me the extra lift I needed to get well.
Posted by Belinda Palmer (Member # 4628) on :
Caring for your family is never "unprofessional" This is the time to reach out to your network of people and I know for us it includes many customers, as well as friends and family. Good luck to you and yours!
Posted by Gene Golden (Member # 3934) on :
Alicia, As simple as this may sound, Life Goes On. If your routine is to spend a certain amount of quality time with your husband, then continue to spend that time with him.
You can't invent quality time. You can't reserve time and say that this moment or event is going to be special. You can spend time with him, and intensify your attention to him. Embed those moments you share with him into an indelible space in your mind.
He loves you, he understands you, and I'm sure he accepts that you are who you are, and doesn't expect you to change for him... even now. If by some chance, you are neglecting his special needs at this time, because of your workload, then there needs to be some adjustment and a little bit of introspection. Somehow though, I don't believe this to be the case.
Of course, you may be burying yourself in your work to offset dealing with the issues. Some of us find solace in our work, and that might be a good way of dealing with pressures, not avoiding them. You pretty much have control over your business, while you have absolutely no control over your circumstances.
No one knows better than you do... I think that's why you asked the question.
Posted by Bruce Bowers (Member # 892) on :
Still praying for you both, Alicia.
I have nothing more that I could add to what the others have already said. we wish you both the best.
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
Sending good energy your way Alicia.
Only you can figure out exactly what you need to do to get through this. Just remember, no one ever said on their deathbed "I wish I had spent more time at work"
