When I have the occasional bad day and need to take it out on someone, I don't take it out on my loved ones anymore...
I got the idea one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Bill. May I please speak with Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an ***hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word '***hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was dealing with obnoxious customers or having a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an ***hole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '***hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is Don Hulsey from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the Caller ID program?"
He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an ***hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first ***hole, (I had his number on speed dial ), I thought I had better call the BMW ***hole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an ***hole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two ***holes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called ***hole #1.
"Hello." "You're an ***hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"***hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, ***hole."
Then I called ***hole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, ***hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ***," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, ***hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 2 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.
There I saw two ***holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better.
This anger management sh** really works!
*********************************
Actually that was sent to Jane, but hey don't give me any ideas!!!!!!!
[ February 23, 2005, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: Bill Diaz ]
Posted by Michael Latham (Member # 4477) on :
Bill, Bill, Bill...somehow I feel relieved I don't live in Pontiac! But now, you see, we can forward this e-mail to the police in Pontiac and I bet they would find a whole lots stuff to pin on you!
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
LOL!!!
Is'nt it based on a true story?? (lol)
Please don't let other's who replied on the psyco post see this semi-legal version of psycotic behavior . . .
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
Please, someone get me some oxygen....I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard.....Great story Bill...true or not.
Posted by Randy Campbell (Member # 2675) on :
Posted by Si Allen (Member # 420) on :
I always said that Bill has an evil look in his eye!
Posted by Kissymatina (Member # 2028) on :
I always detected that evil twink in Bill's eye too but never knew how cultivated his evilness was til today.
Posted by Linda Schmidt (Member # 2337) on :
Bill- I printed this out and took it to lunch with my friends... they laughed so hard we started to draw attention. Well, the printout started getting passed from table to table. When we left it was so noisey in there no one could have a conversation... Thanks for another good one! Posted by Ron Costa (Member # 3366) on :
Just read this. What a great idea. Anyone got Bill's phone number??
Posted by Bob Rochon (Member # 30) on :
Sure Ron,
It's on my speed dial Posted by William Holohan (Member # 2514) on :
Bill, Barb just tipped me to this post. Absolutely priceless. Glad I took my morning whiz before I read it.
Posted by Don Hulsey (Member # 128) on :
Now I know why I keep getting all those calls asknig for the person in charge of phone service. Hell, they think I work at the phone company. I never got that far with them, cause when they ask for the person in charge of anything, I tell 'em, "He ain't in today."
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