just want to post this rambleing which has been in my thoughts latly. now with the passing of "duckie"brings it into more prominance of thinking. one of the most emotional painful things we deal with is the death of freinds and loved ones, and ourselves. this has been on my mind a lot with not knowing how bad this cancer was invading my body, and the other nite in the hospital when i thought i was having a heart attack. they gave me NITRO table under the tounge, brought in the EKG machine, then did a morphine syringe into my blood. and i told hennie who sat by my side thru it all, "i dont think iam gona make it." thats how badly i felt. the good book says "all things shall pass" as this did. by morning i was a 100% feelin better, but the mind was still dealin with almost not makin it. my freind frank magoo is attending a funeral this weekend of a dear friend. he to is havin to work thru these same feelings. those of us who survive to endure the pain of freinds passing before us and we deal with the grief all of us on different levels. i lost some very dear friends in the last couple years and upon hearing of their death, i just go numb, no emotion, no crying, just an emptyness. i also have a history of bad depresssion so it makes the greifing process even harder becuase i fear falling back into depression. last month our favorite cat died, it was only a cat, but it was the thing that put me over the edge with grief. now not only does all the greif for the cat come to the surface but also all those who i havent greived for when they passed...i was in the back yard, screanming at the top of my lungs, cryin and i almost passed out from not being able to breath. and poor hennie, whos love for me is very strong(and i regognize it, and tell her i know)has to sit by with no physical pain but enduring so much emotional trama within, nobody has any idea untill you sit thru one bad episode with a loved one or freind. she came home for lunch yesterday.....and her whole face had glow and her eyes sparkeled with the relief of all the emotional bagage had been lifted from her knowing that iam going to be ok....she even sleeps much deeper. i just had to post this because of i have all this happyness for my situation and to say ill gladly pass some of it to bobbie, and magoo and any of ya all if you need it.....makes the movie PAY IT FORWARD so much more real......thanks for being their folks........prayers for bobbie, prayers for magoo....and yours worked for me, and iam gratful and humbled.
[ January 27, 2005, 03:43 PM: Message edited by: old paint ]
Posted by Sheila Ferrell (Member # 3741) on :
OP . . .that was really deep the way you put all that.
Here's some extra anti-depressing words...
Isaiah 26:3
Romans 12:2
II Timothy 1:7
Posted by Don Coplen (Member # 127) on :
First time I've read an OPism cover to cover in awhile. Thanks, Joe...and very happy here that ya made it through.
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
OP...you're all right man....hang in there champ and God be with you. Posted by Del Badry (Member # 114) on :
Im with ya dad...
Posted by Nancie W. Phillips (Member # 3484) on :
Yeah Joe...You're reflecting what's been in my heart all year. I've thought a lot more about what really matters now...and now I'm more focused (or at least I'm better than I used to be)There's no use getting uptite over the small stuff-and face it- it's ALL (pretty much) small stuff!
Posted by Todd Gill (Member # 2569) on :
Well said Nancie! Posted by Kimberly Zanetti (Member # 2546) on :
No kidding Nancie. Back in June, I was hospitalized with heart "issues". They discovered that I have this fairly uncommon heart problem that is primarily brought on by stress. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to connect the dots, when I get upset about something I end up with major chest pains. If I'm calm and relaxed about life, I'm fine.
I got through Oct, Nov & Dec feeling GREAT! Not even a twinge. Last Friday night, my dear husband and I had quite a tiff, about something fairly stupid. I think it got me even more upset because we NEVER fight. Next thing I knew, my heart's been bothering me ever since then.
The bottom line for me is that even though NONE of us are going to get out of this alive, we can life a happier life by letting the little stuff go and relax and most importantly, be kind and loving to those around us.
There was a nasty, huge train crash in Los Angeles yesterday. I was watching the news last night and all I could think was that these poor people got on that train to go to work that morning fully expecting to be home for dinner that night. You don't know when your ride will be up - better not wait until you think the end is getting close to appreciate what you have. You may not have as much time as you think you do.
Use the good china, take the plastic covers off your furniture, take that trip you've always wanted to take. Call your friends and tell them that you love them. As Carly Simon once said - THESE ARE THE GOOD OLD DAYS.
OP - I've so glad to hear that all is going to be just fine. We can't have any more of our Letterhead family leaving us.
Posted by Santo (Member # 411) on :
I spent 9 days in the hospital in December. Pneumia and related breathing problems on top of diabetes and high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I went to the emergengy room to have the fluid drained from my lungs on Dr's orders and didn't get out until I had a catheter run up to my heart to check for blockage and an MRI's, EKG's and enough X-rays to make my teeth glow in the dark. I left with a heart monitor that included a defibulator and I still have it. The morning I left, the young gal that was the care giver the first 2 days I was there came back on duty on my floor. She told me how happy she was to see me doing so well. She said she didn't think I was going to make it though the first 2 nights.
[ January 27, 2005, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: Santo ]
Posted by Dan Sawatzky (Member # 88) on :
Mortality is soemthing we all have to deal with... especially as we get older and start surviving our friends and relatives. Saying goodby to those we love is never easy.
As we get older our own health issues start to remind us that our time on this earth is limited.
I know as I reached the milestone of 50 and more recently became a grampa I was reminded of these facts in as big way. I am a member of the senior generation ALREADY.
It's important that I live my life as I WANT to live it, realise the goals which are important to me... for the road ahead is shorter than the road behind me.
I realise more and more that I need to celebrate each day I am given, to live life to its fullest, to give and get my hugs in, to LIVE the dream as much as I am able. TODAY is mine... tomorrow... we'll have to wait and see.
Love what you do and DO what you love!
-grampa dan
Posted by Cheryl Lucas (Member # 1656) on :
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER by Erma Bombeck
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner, even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was my only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."
There would have been more "I love yous".. more "I'm sorrys"... but mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... Live it... and never give it back.
Don't forget to stop and smell the roses today! Take time to tell a loved one how much you love them, do something nice for yourself, and stop to give God thanks for all of it.
Posted by Myra Grozinger (Member # 327) on :
Joe- I'm so glad you're with us - and so sad that Pat isn't - and I'm generally really bummed out about our mortality, too. Every now and then I simply get po'ed about it that not a single person from the past survived. Mostly because that means I REALLY won't, either. And then all I have is to be happy I made it this far. And the same goes for you, too, and I'm glad you recognize it. I worried about you on Jan 18th. And I was not aware of all that you were dealing with then and now. You are coming back for another round and you will never again return to your original dimension. I'm grateful to have you back.
Love Myra
Posted by John Deaton III (Member # 925) on :
Ol Joe,knowing myself about depression and what it does to you, god bless you for what you said. Like you, I handle grief with hard consequences. I lost my best ol basset hound this week, and Im having a hard time getting over it. Now, Pat is gone and I really feel for his wife and that we've all lost a good friend. I like what you said, This too will pass. Them is words to live by. This is a bad time for us all.
Posted by Steve Shortreed (Member # 436) on :
What can I say Joe? As someone who has said good-bye to my wife 4 times, I know exactly what you are feeling. You touched my heart today.
Posted by Bob Stephens (Member # 858) on :
All I can say is that I'm glad I am different than most and lived my entire life for me with no regrets. If I discover I have a week left then I will smile knowing I was one of the few who got his moneys worth out of this journey.
Its a shame so many put off living thinking they will enjoy life in the golden years. Not everyone gets that chance and then its too late in many cases.
Mortality is inevitable yet the majority spend their lives with their head stuck in the sand fearing to deal with it.
Facing the reality of death head on makes it easier to understand at least it always has for me.
Posted by Rick Beisiegel (Member # 3723) on :
Wow Joe:
Some very deep thoughts. Different than I expected. Your words touched me, and I see you in a different light.
I think we all stop and reflect from time to time. Many times feeling lost with no way to turn. For OP, thank goodness for Hennie. Others have no helper. Bobbie no doubt feels very alone right now. I am not sure how computer savy she is, but maybe someone could post her address so we can give her our thoughts in a card? She may be missing all these comforting thoughts. She could draw strength from them.
In the meantime, in addition to Shelia's comforting texts, I'd like to add:
Isaiah 41:9,10,& 13
John 5:28&29
Revelation 21:3-5
Posted by jimmy chatham (Member # 525) on :
[ January 28, 2005, 10:36 AM: Message edited by: jimmy chatham ]
Posted by jimmy chatham (Member # 525) on :
if only the good die young then i will live forever.
i have had 9 strokes & the docter told me 15 yrs. ago that i would be dead in 2 weeks. shows they are not always right.
i have diabetes, hi blood pressure and lots of other problems.
Posted by Robert Salyers (Member # 5) on :
I'm glad you're still with us Joe! God is Good! Be Blessed!
Airbrush Bobby
Posted by Cam Bortz (Member # 55) on :
Thanks, Joe. That was moving.
And Dan, I especially want to thank you for reminding us how to live fully EVERY DAY - not just with your words here, but by being such a positive example and influence. I don't think I know anyone who expresses the joy and excitement of life more than you do, and I have been remiss in not saying how inspiring that is. Thanks again.
Posted by Bobbie Rochow (Member # 3341) on :
Op, you are a sweetheart, you know that?
Hey, something in that Erma Bombeck stuff hit home with me. Many of us do not take the time to talk to our grandparents, & then they are gone. I love asking my 89 year old grandma things about her childhood, & she loves to tell it. The years of the depression, etc. We must get all that we can from them before they are gone! But you know what? We can ALL do the same for the younger people we know. When we are gone, we are gone physically, but we do leave memories with people, & we can even share wisdom with them! I have respect for people older than me, because they teach me.
And every time one of you goes to a Letterhead Meet, you are helping those that are learning. They will not forget. Even just words of encouragement. I remember my first & only Letterhead Meet so far, a few years ago at Jill's Letterheads on Mars. I was scared to death to paint, because I can't do things in front of people, & I am not near as good as the rest that were there. Every attempt at my panel was just LOUSY! The whole time I was there, this guy walked by every now & then & said something encouraging to me, making me smile. Right before I left, on the last day of the meet, I walked up to this guy & told him that I should have taken his class on hand lettering instead of the gold leaf one that I took. He told me that at his first meet, he was nervous & didn't open his paint box, but at least I did try. That made me feel a bit better! Then, to top it off, he gave me a sweatshirt with his name on it!!!! The sweatshirt says, "Mike Myers Signpainter, Slow Pitch No B*&%H", & I am wearing it now. Thank you, Mike Meyers. I will never forget that, & I hope I meet you again someday.
Posted by faye welsh (Member # 2524) on :
op. truer words were never uttered. it takes staring death in the eye to make you realize what life is about. all life's worries and cares tuck their proverbial tails between their legs and high-tail it out the door.i am on 24 hour0/2. a simple cold or flu germ can mean death for me. i face it day by day. winter is a bad time for me. God is my strength.My family(especially jillbeans) are my cheering section and comfort. i go into depressions,black gloomy days. but, since i have been praying and have been making positive efforts to improve my situation;winter has been delightful this year. i have adjusted my attitude, replenished my spirit. i moved into a tiny cottage,revamped my life.spend days with a few good friends,sit quietly and gaze out the window,paint a picture, write a poem.count your blessings, pray for those who need God's blessings, and enjoy the ride.life can be a roller coaster ride.throw your hands up once in awhile and squeal,laugh, and jump back on for a second ride,old paint.just like west view park, back in the day...God Bless.fiddles
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